Imagine you just completed your visit to Lehigh university, what would you tweet about us and why?
a great citadel of learning
"Brilliant people, The Alumni Memorial Building, Trees as alluring as the eye can see, The distinctive marble structure with the inscription "Homo Minister Et Interpres Naturae'' welcomes you to the magnificent campus of Lehigh University. I would tweet about this because I would want prospective students to have an imaginative picture of the setting at Lehigh and feel the sense of belonging at the school. The buildings at the university are outstandingly remarkable and have a medieval touch to them. The view of the campus is simply breathtaking and unique.
Lehigh students work hard and play hard. A typical Lehigh student is intelligent but willing and able to balance a social life in. Most students are involved in multiple clubs and organisations on campus, especially the Greek life community. If you're looking for the best private research university in the country with intense school spirit and outstanding cultural heritage, then Lehigh is the best choice for you.
I just want people to know all these amazing facts about Lehigh because I love it here. It's strong community and the vibrant setting is what makes it fun and why I call it home. Here at Lehigh, you can dare to dream big, get involved in basically everything and meet new people (even if it's awkward at first).
I would use my tweet to promote my school and also show just how fantastic it is. Lehigh is truly a great citadel of learning, the best of both worlds. You cannot understand what it means to be a Mountain Hawk until you experience the magic at Lehigh.
Kindly give me your honest opinions and advice. Thank you@Osiremiza99
I think that you need to make your essay more personal. For example, your tweet sounds like you copied the opening line of their brochure. You also focus a lot on student life, but you need specifics. Is there a club you want to join? Will you join in the greek life community you mentioned? I would also revise any sentence with "you" in it because you're speaking to an admissions officer. They aren't the one looking for a college, you are.
For instance, I would change "You cannot understand what it means to be a Mountain Hawk until you experience the magic at Lehigh." to something like "After experiencing the magic at Leigh, I understand what it means to be a Mountain Hawk".
Finally, I would get rid of any reference to Leigh as your school ("my school" "why I call it home") because it sounds like you think you're guaranteed acceptance. But you could say "I hope to call it home" to show that you're enthusiastic.
@Osiremiza99
Pretty good. Here is my opinion.
OK, It is your tweet:
"Brilliant people, The Alumni Memorial Building, Trees as ..."
What you tweet is about he beautiful campus of Lehigh. When you explain the reason, basically your ideas is that Lehigh students know how to balance work and social life, and about strong community and vibrant setting. See. I think your problem is that your are not specific enough. You don't focus on a spcific part of Lehigh, and I think you should.
Also your reason for your tweets is to promote your school. I think the prompt is to ask for the reason for the content of your tweet. Like, why you say "Brilliant people"? Why you say "Alumni Memorial Building"? Why you want to mention inscription in you tweet? I can't see your answer for the questions above.
Also, I don't think it's a good idea to use "you" to start sentences. In your tweet, you can use "tweet", because, as you said, you are promoting your school, but in the explanation part, you are not promoting to anyone.
Hope it helps.
Thank you for your candid opinions. Here is my revised essay:
"Beautiful campus, well-rounded students, I love it here." I would tweet this because I would want prospective students to have an imaginative picture of the setting at Lehigh and understand how great the students are.
The view of the campus is simply breathtaking and unique. The distinctive marble structure with the inscription "Homo Minister Et Interpres Naturae'' welcomes you to the Alumni Memorial Building (the heart of the campus). A wonderful road network with well-paved walkways constructed between plenty of trees as alluring as the eye can see. In between the tress are outstandingly remarkable buildings constructed on magnificent green lawns.
Lehigh students work hard and play hard. A typical Lehigh student is intelligent but willing and able to balance a social life in. Most students are involved in multiple clubs and organisations on campus, especially the Greek life community. Lehigh is the best choice for anyone looking for the best private research university in the country with intense school spirit and outstanding cultural heritage.
I just want people to know all these amazing facts about Lehigh because I love it, it is truly a great citadel of learning, the best of both worlds. It's strong community and the vibrant setting is what makes it fun and why I hope to call it home. Here at Lehigh, you can dare to dream big, get involved in basically everything and meet new people (even if it's awkward at first). After experiencing the magic at Lehigh, I understand what it means to be a Mountain Hawk.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 It is understood that with 145 characters you used to describe the visit should be enough to entice the reader. So your tweet works, but I feel like something is still missing. What is it? Oh! the hashtag! You forgot to develop a witty or memorable hashtag for your tweet that could help the school gain viral interest in the web. Remember, the hashtags make the tweet memorable and trending. So don't forget to develop a creative one for your tweet.
Your 3rd and 4th paragraphs can use some further development. The information is too general in presentation, which gives away the fact that you haven't visited the campus yet. So do some research and use the names of places, organizations, or activities of interest that would best embody the tweet that you sent out. You have to show a familiarity with the university. That is why this essay is all about.
