forbetterdani
Feb 5, 2017
Writing Feedback / Gender equality has been achieved? Unlikely. [2]
The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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Hello. This is my practice for IELTS writing task 2. Thanks in advance for reviewing my writing :)
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Over the last 5 decades, society's outlook on women role has changed substantially. Even though it seems that gender equality is about to be achieved, it is not completely true. Most females still have less opportunity to experience promising career path compared to their male counterparts.
Some people may argue that society these days have treated women the same as men. They base their view on the fact that, in modern day, there are more females holding high position in companies. According to the latest survey carried on by University of Indonesia, the proportion of female managers has doubled compared to that in 1980s. In addition, they also earn the equal amount of salary as men with the same position. Thus, it is generally believed that gender does not matter anymore in this globalization era.
However, they neglect the fact that most of those successful women have undergone harder obstacle than men to get on the top. It is because the majority of jobs offered to them are low-paid. As an impact, hey have to make much greater effort to achieve the same position as men. These women experience harder situations such as working overtime to show that they are capable to handle more difficult duties. Apart from working conditions, they also often seen as the ones who have full responsibility to take care of their family. As such, for married women, it is more challenging to work outside their homes.
In conclusion, gender equality is not truly achieved considering the fact that females need to experience more immense challenges to be i the same position as males. It can only be considered as gender equality if both sexes have equal achievement by doing equal effort.
The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
========================================================================
Hello. This is my practice for IELTS writing task 2. Thanks in advance for reviewing my writing :)
========================================================================
Role of Women in Society
Over the last 5 decades, society's outlook on women role has changed substantially. Even though it seems that gender equality is about to be achieved, it is not completely true. Most females still have less opportunity to experience promising career path compared to their male counterparts.
Some people may argue that society these days have treated women the same as men. They base their view on the fact that, in modern day, there are more females holding high position in companies. According to the latest survey carried on by University of Indonesia, the proportion of female managers has doubled compared to that in 1980s. In addition, they also earn the equal amount of salary as men with the same position. Thus, it is generally believed that gender does not matter anymore in this globalization era.
However, they neglect the fact that most of those successful women have undergone harder obstacle than men to get on the top. It is because the majority of jobs offered to them are low-paid. As an impact, hey have to make much greater effort to achieve the same position as men. These women experience harder situations such as working overtime to show that they are capable to handle more difficult duties. Apart from working conditions, they also often seen as the ones who have full responsibility to take care of their family. As such, for married women, it is more challenging to work outside their homes.
In conclusion, gender equality is not truly achieved considering the fact that females need to experience more immense challenges to be i the same position as males. It can only be considered as gender equality if both sexes have equal achievement by doing equal effort.
