Writing Feedback / Non-traditional Student College Personal Essay [6]

I'm a 32 y/o female and about to apply to college after a 10 year absence. Any suggestions and tips would be helpful. I know the flow of my paper isn't as fluid as I would hope it to be but I'm hoping the suggestions in this forum will give me the direction I need. Thanks!

I firmly believe in the powerful message of Ecclesiastes 3:1, which states, "There is an appointed time for everything and there is a time for every event under heaven". When I was growing up, my parents instilled in me the importance of education. Thus, I have long realized that stagnancy of knowledge has to be one the worst mistakes in my life. However, looking back on my own life, I can see these different stages of growth that have helped me to understand my own potential and the path I wish to take in life.

When I started college at 18, I didn't have the maturity needed to focus on school. I just wanted to work. I had taken classes part-time over a four year period not truly engaged in academia. I didn't want to spend time in a classroom, when I didn't even know what I wanted to do I life and my grades reflected that. So I left home and school to work odd jobs. Over the years, I've worked as an administrative assistant for a non-profit agency, as an assistant to an accountant compiling tax forms and receipts, I've worked in the marketing field, and even did sales for a furniture store for quite some time. It wasn't until I found a job as a receptionist, at a private doctor's office where things started to change for me. This was my first true exposure to the medical field. I had done volunteer work before in a hospital but this was my first time interacting with healthcare professionals and patients. My job was basic fairly basic administration but I enjoyed it. After six months of working the front desk, my boss, who is a physician, asked if I wanted to learn how to take out stitches. With no previous medical training before, I was curious to learn a new skill. Soon, I was working in the back office learning to apply pressure bandages, interpreting labs and pathology reports for patients, and assisting in minor surgeries.

The doctors in the group granted me much more opportunities for hands-on care than I could have found in a public setting. On one memorable day, I assisted in a facial surgery removing a deep skin cancer from the mandible area. Far from feeling repulsion, I was fascinated by the sight of the internal parts. I realized that I was viewing a physiological structure that enabled movement, and found the experience to be breathtaking. The surgeon taught me how to do a running stitch on the patient, a skill, which would not have been normally taught if I had worked elsewhere else. It was also the first time in a long time, where I felt I was making a difference in people's lives. It was then at the age of 29, I knew I wanted to go back to college and get my degree in nursing.

Attending college at this point in my life has not been easy. I work for a small private doctor's office and often stay at work late at night to finish medical insurance paperwork and call patients to counsel them for surgeries the next day. Commuting every night to get to class after working 10 hours was taxing. However, the distance and time seems so tiny when I think of the wealth of information I am gaining in my classes.

Now is the time for me to tackle my true goal in nursing. I believe that all of my life experiences have been necessary to bring me to this point. I mentally prepared and persistent enough to excel at any endeavor, and have developed the compassion and commitment to nursing that will drive me through the years to come. I look forward to my future with great anticipation, and know that the time has finally come for me to realize my dreams.

Undergraduate / Applying to college after a 10 year absence; Non-traditional Student [5]

I'm a 32 y/o female and about to apply to college after a 10 year absence. Any suggestions and tips would be helpful. I hope the intro and conclusion are a bit stronger than my last post. I know I still have more revisions to make but always welcome constructive criticism. =)

After three hours in surgery to remove a squamous cell carinoma from his nasolabial fold area, the patient was finally ready to go home. I sat down with him to carefully explain the post-operative care instructions needed to help with his recovery period. He was an elderly man in his late eighties, frail and slim but still mentally sharp than any man half his age. I have gotten to know this patient over the years. He was one of the first patients I worked with when I first started my job seven years ago. He grinned, politely taking in hand the instructions to look over once again at home. As he was leaving the office, he turned to me and asked, "Will you be here next week for my follow up appointment, Nurse Tran? You've been so kind and helpful." I gave a timid smile and replied, "Yes. I will be here." He grinned and nodded, "Good, good." There was one thing that troubled me with his request though, a request I hear many times from patients. The fact was I wasn't a nurse. I didn't even finish college.

Choosing the career of my future was one of the toughest decisions I had to make. During my early years in college, when many of my peers were already pursuing their goals and dreams, I was dedicated to missing as many classes as possible. I didn't have the maturity needed to focus on school. I just wanted to work. I had taken classes part-time over a four-year-period not truly engaged in academia. I didn't want to spend time in a classroom, when I didn't even know what I wanted to do in life and my grades reflected that. So I left home and school to work odd jobs. Over the years, I've worked as an administrative assistant for a non-profit agency, as an assistant to an accountant compiling tax forms and receipts, I've worked in the marketing field, and even did sales for a furniture store for quite some time. It wasn't until I found a job as a receptionist at a doctor's office when things started to change for me. This was my first true exposure to the medical field. I had done volunteer work before in a hospital but this was my first time interacting with patients and healthcare professionals. After six months of working the front desk, my boss, who is a physician, asked if I wanted to learn how to take out stitches. With no previous medical training before, I was eager to learn a new skill. Soon, I was working directly with patients learning to apply pressure bandages, interpreting lab and pathology reports, removing stitches and assisting in minor surgeries.

The physicians in the practice granted me many more opportunities for hands-on care than I could have found in a public setting. Every day there was always something new to learn. On one memorable day, I assisted in a surgery removing a deep skin cancer from the mandible area. Far from feeling repulsion, I was fascinated by the sight of the internal parts. I realized that I was viewing a physiological structure that enabled movement, and found the experience to be breathtaking. It was also the first time in a long time, where I felt I was making a difference in people's lives. After six valuable years on the job, I knew I wanted to pursue a career in nursing. So at the age of twenty nine, I enrolled in college again.

Attending college at this point in my life has not been easy. Working full time while attending school part time after being absent for ten years has been an adjustment. However, I am not the young girl who had no idea what to do in life. I am now more focused and determined than I ever was ten years ago. Becoming a nurse is the first goal I have set in my life and it was not decided on lightly. I am mentally prepared and persistent enough to excel at any endeavor, and have developed the compassion and commitment to nursing that will drive me through the years to come. I am ready to fully devote my time and freedoms to achieve this goal not just for myself, but also to those who have been supportive and believed in my through my journey. I believe that all of my life experiences have been necessary to bring me to this point. So the next time a patient turns to me and asks, "Will you be here for my follow up appointment, Nurse Tran?" I can confidently smile back and proudly say, "Yes. I will be there!"