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Posts by Peterson123
Name: M Peterson
Joined: Mar 13, 2017
Last Post: Mar 15, 2017
Threads: 4
Posts: 9  
From: United States of America
School: WPA

Displayed posts: 13
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Peterson123   
Mar 13, 2017
Writing Feedback / CLEP English Comp essay prep - agree/ disagree "no goals so impossible as ones we set for ourselves" [4]

Hello, I am currently preparing to take the CLEP English Comp with essay exam. Please evaluate the following essay; generally, I feel better about my grammar than I do about the structure of my arguments.

I don't have a clear sense of what the standards are for scoring essays and would greatly appreciate some feedback regarding how well this essay would score, as well as any suggestions for improvement. Thank you in advance.

Prompt: Agree or disagree with the following statement: "there are no challenges so difficult, no goals so impossible, as the ones we set for ourselves."

people set their own goals



I disagree with the statement that "there are no challenges so difficult, no goals so impossible, as the ones we set for ourselves." From my own observations and understanding of people, I have learned that many people use self-made goals to challenge themselves to improve and to accomplish their ambitions, and that these goals are often those that the person believes they can achieve. I set many goals for myself, but I only set goals that I believe I can accomplish. I believe that when setting goals, it is important to require hard work of ourselves and to stretch ourselves to achieve real accomplishments. However, I think it is also true that the repeated setting of unrealistic goals that are repeatedly left unachieved often results in discouragement for the person making the goals.

Throughout history many people, such as Abraham Lincoln, have set challenging goals for themselves and through their hard work, have achieved their ambitions. Achievable goals are not those that require no work, but those that require work that could reasonably be accomplished. People do not tend to set impossible goals, or those they believe are impossible.

In many cases, the most difficult goals to accomplish are actually those set for us by others. Many people are pushed to succeed in different activities, in which they may not be interested or at which they may not excel. When people set their own goals, they are motivated by their own desire to achieve excellence and they are encouraged by their belief that with enough hard work, they can accomplish their dreams.

However, people can be motivated by others who believe in them. Teachers, parents, friends, and relatives can motivate people they know to accomplish by encouraging them to achieve their full potential. Potential for improvement that we do not recognize can be recognized by others. This can benefit someone greatly. However, the person must set themselves to the task and determine to actually achieve something. The life of Dr. Carson illustrates this well. His mother pushed him to achieve more than was being expected of him or than he expected of himself. Eventually he became motivated and he ended up achieving great things that he might not have otherwise achieved.

I have found many of these things to be true in my own experience as well. I would say that there are no goals as motivating as the ones we set for ourselves. When someone really desires to achieve something, they are not easily defeated.
Peterson123   
Mar 14, 2017
Undergraduate / "Wanting to transfer because of location" ESSAY statement [6]

Hi Bontonsoup1,

I think that generally you provide a good context for your reasons for wanting to leave Penn State (primarily wanting to be in a new environment).

Some specific comments:
"Even if that takes a sacrifice to move out." Grammatically, this is a sentence fragment.

It is a bit confusing to read that you "felt empty and left out", but then in the next paragraph, you describe the memorable (and implied positive) experiences at Penn State.

I wish you all the best in landing at a school that is the best fit for you!
Peterson123   
Mar 14, 2017
Writing Feedback / Writing 2: Should the government encourage a certain percentage of jobs to be reserved for women? [3]

Hello Arlen,

I think you make strong arguments advocating for your position in favor of the government reserving job slots for women; specifically, in jobs where physical strength doesn't matter, to encourage diversity, and historically.

To improve, you may want to sharpen your grammatical accuracy to convey your ideas more clearly.

Good luck to you!
Peterson123   
Mar 14, 2017
Writing Feedback / CLEP English Comp essay point of view: "Is it easier now than ever before to form friendships?" [3]

Hello, I am currently preparing to take the CLEP English Comp with essay exam. Please evaluate the following essay; generally, I feel better about my grammar than I do about the structure of my arguments.

I don't have a clear sense of what the standards are for scoring essays and would greatly appreciate some feedback regarding how well this essay would score, as well as any suggestions for improvement. Thank you in advance.

Prompt: Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

What a friendship means to you?



Assignment: Is it easier now than ever before to form friendships? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your reasoning with examples taken from your reading, studies, experiences or observations.


Contrary to the claim in Sharon Hendricks's "A Broader Definition of Friendship," the Internet has not made friendships easier to form, but has rather made it more obvious that friendships require personal investment in a deep relationship. Modern social media has made it possible to form superficial connections, but true friendships form by personal interaction, shared experiences, and mutual willingness to sacrifice.

On a ten-day family trip, my siblings and I became good friends with one of our cousins. He visited us at our rental house nearly every day, and we played many games of ping-pong with him on the ping-pong table in the garage. I have always felt that there was something about standing there sweating, competing, and having fun that brought us together and made that neccesarily brief relationship something that I will not forget for many years. All of us loved each other and appreciated each other's company.

Furthermore, those who attempt to satisfy their social needs with anything other than deep human companionship begin to degenerate emotionally. In George Eliot's Silas Marner, the protagonist, a social outcast, turns to money for friendship. It is not until he discovers and shelters a small child that he begins to find love, joy, and happiness. Similarly, social media causes people to settle for something less than true friendship, and they are unable to enjoy the benefits of relationships until they find a true and personal friend.

It has also been overwhelmingly demonstrated that visual clues like body language enhance conversation. Speaking on the telephone is, for me, much more difficult than speaking face to face because all thoughts must be communicated verbally. Written communication is even more difficult because it requires that both body language and voice inflection be imagined by the reciever. Such media for expression of ideas are illustrated in the contrast between reading a transcript of a speech, listening to it on the radio, or watching it on television.

Although social media has its share of benefits, friendships are no easier to form than they have been in the past centuries. Deep relationships still require verbal conversation and visual interaction. People should not settle for Internet-based "relationships," but should rather seek to find friends and share with them a part of their lives.
Peterson123   
Mar 14, 2017
Writing Feedback / Intercultural Communication connecting the societes. Final essay. [3]

Hello Suya,

You have written a well-reasoned essay on intercultural communication based on your personal experiences. I think your best example is the situation with the lady in LA who helped you with directions because it is specific and shows your overcoming your shyness and having a good outcome.

You may be able to shorten your essay by consolidating some of your points, as some sentences appear to be restatements of previous ones.

Good luck to you!
Peterson123   
Mar 14, 2017
Writing Feedback / CLEP English comp essay point of view: curriculum in education [3]

Hello, I am currently preparing to take the CLEP English Comp with essay exam. Please evaluate the following essay; generally, I feel better about my grammar than I do about the structure of my arguments.

I don't have a clear sense of what the standards are for scoring essays and would greatly appreciate some feedback regarding how well this essay would score, as well as any suggestions for improvement. Thank you in advance.

Prompt: Colleges need to have a mandatory core curriculum, required classes that all students must take, regardless of their major. Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your reasoning with examples taken from your reading, studies, experiences, or observations.

College study



Colleges, intended to provide students with necessary information for life, offer both general and specialized classes. The former are used to provide assistance in broad, necessary subjects, and the latter are used as preparation for specific careers. However, mandatory core classes are no less important than specialized classes and should be required because they skills they teach are essential for life in a modern world.

For example, although my father did not major in mathematics, he was required to take certain mathematics classes in college. These classes have been helpful to him in his career and in situations in which he handles money. Similarly, he was required to take certain English classes that have increased his ease of communication in using his degree, just as good communication always opens opportunities.

Mandatory core classes are also helpful for parents who aim to help their children achieve success. Although my mother did not major in English, her education in that area is apparent as she helps me and my siblings with our English homework. She also has a broad understanding of literature and mathematics that enables her to help us effectively.

Mandatory core classes also help students to begin gaining their degrees with better study skills. English classes, for example, would help students to better understand textbooks and write class essays. In addition, students who have studied in less specialized classes will have better abilities to plan for test preparation when the major tests for their degrees arrive.

General classes also offer a less obvious advantage: perseverance. No matter what career I choose, there will always be parts of that career that are unpleasant or outside my comfort zone. However, a broad education and an ability to persevere through awkward assignments will help me to manage problems that are difficult for me.

Just last night, my father spoke with me and my siblings about the advantages of college education. Specifically to the topic of mandatory core classes, he told us that such assignments developed his ability to think and to solve problems. He told us that, when he attempts to manage problems to which he is unaccustomed, a broad education and an ability to handle the less specialized assignments provided in such classes as mandatory core classes enable him to manage situations that extend beyond the scope of his specialized degree.

Mandatory core classes offer students opportunities beyond their chosen majors. They allow for broader understanding of necessary skills and better capacities for more obscure problems. Colleges that require such classes will find that their students are better equipped to study, and even more importantly, better equipped for life.
Peterson123   
Mar 15, 2017
Scholarship / Korea-Russia business. KGSP - Study plan for international trade master program [3]

@amistrelia

While I am not very familiar with the KGSP program specifically and don't know how stiff the competition is, I can say that your essay is well-written grammatically, and your English is excellent.

Your personal academic and professional experience also seem to make you a good candidate for this study program based upon my quick review of the application on the NIIED website.

Good luck to you!
Peterson123   
Mar 15, 2017
Writing Feedback / CLEP English comp essay point of view: curriculum in education [3]

@Holt, thank you very much for your great feedback. This process is so helpful, and I want to improve my writing.

I will say, though, that the conversation with my father did actually happen last night (and we laughed about its ironic timing, and how my essay was perceived when we read your comments), but your point is well-taken to provide more concrete examples. :-)
Peterson123   
Mar 15, 2017
Writing Feedback / Unveiling crimes using sophisticated technology [6]

I agree that your opinion is presented early, before a proper introduction of your topic.

You make good arguments for why you believe that surveillance is warranted, while also discussing the disadvantage of lost privacy.

Your points may be clearer if there are fewer grammatical errors, but I thought it was a good effort.

Good luck to you!
Peterson123   
Mar 15, 2017
Writing Feedback / CLEP English Comp essay - discuss potential merits of various learning forms [3]

Hello, I am working on improving my writing for the CLEP English Comp practice essays. Any discussion of argument weakness and general structure is greatly appreciated, as well as a likely score. Thank you in advance.

Prompt: The old saying, "experience is the best teacher," suggests to some people that they would benefit more from learning on the job or in the world than from continuing their formal education in the school or college classroom

experience is the best teacher



Assignment: Write an essay in which you discuss the relative values of experiential and academic learning. Support your view with specific examples from literature, history, current events, or personal experience.


Experimental vs academic learning



Experiential learning and academic learning are both necessary and valuable to a good education. Experiential learning gives people the opportunity to practice, while academic learning provides the necessary knowledge and saves people a lot of time by allowing them to learn from the experiences of others. Both have advantages and drawbacks, but when they are used together, these two strategies can provide a quality education that prepares and equips people.

Experiential learning, or learning on the job, teaches people how to perform a task by giving them the opportunity to practice. There is great value in this type of learning, because no matter how many books someone has read about a topic or task, they will never be able to do it unless they try to do it and learn by the mistakes they make in their attempts. I experienced this in my Home Economics class. After several lessons in the textbook, we were given opportunities to practice the new skills about which the book had just taught us. Experiential learning is necessary in every skill and profession. People improve with practice. For this reason, experienced professionals are often paid much more than students who have just graduated from college. However, people who only learn experientially can take much more time to learn the same things. They may have to figure everything out on their own, through their own experience, which will be much more limited than that of all people throughout time.

Academic learning also has its share of benefits and drawbacks. Academic learning, or learning from books, offers people the opportunity to learn from the experience of others. Diligent studying and analysis of the errors others have made can help people to avoid those same errors. Throughout history, this has been seen. When people have not studied history, they have only made the same errors that generations before them have made. Good academic learning can save people a lot of time gaining their own experience. It can also give people tips for improvement and prepare them for the experiences they will have when they are out in the real world. However, it can also turn out students who have a lot of knowledge in their head but have not practiced the necessary skills and consequently are unable to perform the tasks required of them.

An analysis of both experiential learning and academic learning leads to the conclusion that both are necessary and valuable, and that learning is best facilitated when these strategies are used together. A balance of experiential learning and academic learning gives people the necessary information to complete a task and the needed experience to perform it well. The value of this is recognized by many educators. Many college students have internships with real companies that work in the area in which the students are interested. After they have learned from their textbooks and in the classroom, they are given the opportunity to see professionals in action and even to practice what they are learning.

I have benefited from this myself. I have done Exchange City, an economics course for students, for several years. The students learn academically through a workbook that teaches them about economics and asks them to complete activities. Then they learn experientially through their experiences at the city with other students. They are given the knowledge necessary to succeed in their experiences and are then allowed to practice what they have learned.

In conclusion, we see that it is necessary and valuable for people to learn both experientially and academically. While there is no replacement for experience, academic learning prepares and equips people for their future experiences in the real world and gives them the knowledge they need to succeed. When used together, a balance of academic learning and experiential learning can offer people a quality education.
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