Undergraduate / That I May Serve... Undergraduate Class of 2018 Review [2]

Hello! Below is the essay prompt. Ths school suggests an essay with about 250 words. What do you think? Please be critical in regards to all aspects of the essay. Thank you so much!

Our motto is Ut Prosim (That I May Serve). How is service to others important in your life?

it's more than just a motto

Ut Prosim is a lifestyle I believe I have been living since childhood. I fell in love with volunteerism at a young age. From teaching a preschool class at my church to helping in nursing homes, I have found that through service, I have been able to form unique bonds with people I may not have been able to meet otherwise. Prior to high school, I knew I love helping others but it wasn't until high school it was my passion too. I volunteered in as many ways as possible and through that, I was able to find my love for children. I joined various clubs such as "Wildcats versus Cancer", a club devoted to helping childhood cancer patients, as well as outside programs, such as G.I.V.E., an elementary school tutoring program.Volunteering helped cultivate my love for serving others and now, I aspire to be a pediatric nurse so I can devote my life to helping those around me.

Volunteering also enables me to stay humble and appreciate the lifestyle I live. Nowadays, society is focused on always wanting more, however through volunteering, I have learned to be appreciative of what I have and to give what I can to help others. I have found that those with the least are the most willing to give- a way I want to live. Ut Prosim is more than just a motto. It is a way of life that has made an immense impact in my life.

Undergraduate / Being Chinese and adopted set me apart from others, even in my own family. Common App Essay [4]

hi there! can someone help me edit my common app essay? I'm sorry this is kind of hard to read! Formatting was weird. the prompt is:

background, identity essay

Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. [No change]

Since childhood, I have known that being Chinese and adopted set me apart from others, even in my own family. Growing up in Northern Virginia, being Asian was not a rarity, but I still was bullied. Despite my physical appearance, I am a citizen. English was my first language. Plaid shirts and jeans are my daily outfit. Although I felt American and did everything my Caucasian peers did, I knew I would never be entirely a "traditional American."

Complicating matters, I've never felt entirely Chinese either. It felt impossible to connect to the culture I was born with. Although my adoptive parents are Chinese, I've never learned to speak the language. When visiting my Chinese speaking relatives, I cannot have a conversation with them. I've felt an immense disunion between my Chinese and American heritages which has often led me to wonder which "group" I belonged if indeed I belonged to either.

I felt like a permanent foreigner in the country I have resided in for most of my life. I felt like an outsider with my family. When my whole extended family would get together, I was left silently unable to communicate with them. Whether I was with my family or in society, I felt excluded. In the school environment, I felt obligated to act more American than Chinese, and in my home environment, I felt pressured to be more Chinese than American. I was constantly fighting a battle between who I should be versus who I actually am. It got to the point where I wished that I wasn't adopted. I thought it would be easier to simply be Chinese back in China so I wouldn't have to contend with discerning who I am every day.

I was extremely ungrateful and bitter. I spent so much time wishing what I could have and how my life would be so much easier and better, rather than thinking of what I had. However, my battle slowly came to an end as the thoughts of loneliness became superficial and irrelevant. This led me to discover how blessed and privileged I actually am. I live in a country with inalienable rights, which many take for granted, rights people in other countries couldn't even dream of. I have a stable, loving home to come home to every night. Through all of this, my passion for helping those less fortunate was cultivated.

I am fortunate for everything I have been given and the least I can do is to help others. I slowly started becoming more involved with activities and service projects. I joined a variety of service clubs at school and through the service projects, I found my love for helping kids. I started volunteering to teach a preschool class at my church, at a children's' summer camp, at the public library as a tutor. Although I started to become busy with school work and sports, I made sure I always had time to volunteer. My love for volunteerism has made such a difference in my life that I now want to devote my career to helping others, as a pediatric nurse. In spite of how out of place I feel during my childhood, I know I'm extremely lucky to have been adopted by a wonderful family, living in a wonderful country with wonderful people, and because of that, I am extremely thankful.

Being adopted is a blessing. The disunion I felt growing up led to the reveal of the real me. I was able to discover my love for service. I'm still not certain where I belong, but who is? I want to have an impact and helping others will be how I find my place

Undergraduate / A healthcare-related experience or interaction that deepened your interest in studying Nursing [2]

BSN Nursing Application

This is my undergrad nursing school essay application. The prompt is: Tell us about a healthcare-related experience or another significant interaction that deepened your interest in studying Nursing , in roughly 250 words (mine is currently 264, but is still okay for the word limit). Thank you!

When I was younger, I naively assumed that doctors were the only people who treated patients. That changed in 2009 when I was nine years old. That year, my mom was diagnosed with a very rare tumor. In fact, we were later told that there have only been six to twelve such recorded cases in all of medical history. As a result of its rarity, the Chairman of Johns Hopkins' Surgical Oncology Department agreed to treat her. There were, mercifully, two happy results to this traumatic experience; my mom was cured and I learned much about the work of hospital nurses. What was fascinating to me was that every nurse was passionate about their job and the wellbeing of everyone, not just their patients. I specifically remember an extremely early morning when a nurse who had treated my mother stopped to talk to us on her way out of the hospital. I remember her tired eyes and large smile comforting me. She was clearly going home from a night shift, yet she still decided to take time to talk to us. Although she worked in a completely different side of the hospital, she would always stop by to say hello to us. Her small act of kindness really made my day, every day, during the most difficult period in my life. I want to be a nurse to help better the lives of others in emulation of that one nurse. One nurse made the difference in my life, and I want to devote my life to helping others, as many others have done before me.

Undergraduate / What is one of your quirks? [2]

Word limit is about 250 words (max 300). I am at 298. This essay is supposed to be more informal.

Describe one of your quirks and why it is part of who you are.

my newfound diet

Bacon. Delicious, crispy, sizzling goodness. Those are just a few ways one may describe the mouth-watering food. I, however, have not eaten bacon in over 10 years, and not for my health or religion.

It all started when I was six when my family went on a trip to a local farm. It was there when we passed the most adorable creature my six-year-old eyes had ever laid eyes on: a little piglet. As I was playing with the little pig and asking to take it home, my dad jokingly said, "You know you're eating that little pig whenever you eat bacon, sausage, and sometimes hot dogs, right?" Right then and there, I proclaimed to my family I would no longer eat pigs.

This was easier said than done. I learned that my family ate pork a lot more than I thought. However, I learned to adapt. While my entire extended family feasted on a honey-baked ham during the holidays, I piled my plate with all the side dishes. Though it was difficult at first, I kept with it. A week without eating pigs turned into a month which turned into a year, and eleven years later, I still have not eaten a single bite of pig.

Although I was passionate about my newfound diet around my family, when eating with friends, truthfully, at first I was embarrassed. However, it has become an integral part of who I am. My love for pigs sparked a love for wanting to help the environment and animal rights. Without making that bold statement eleven years ago, I wouldn't have developed my love for the earth. Though it hasn't been easy, I will continue to keep pork out of my diet and hold onto my belief that, pigs are friends, not food!