Graduate / Olin business school Master of Finance required essay--- I want to learn real expertise [4]

Hi, I am now applying for the master of finance program. Here is an essay required by Olin business school. I want some suggestions.
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At Olin, we aim to know every student by name and story. Please share your journey with us and why the pursuit of this degree is the right decision for you. (500-word maximum)

olin on my path

When I entered college, I started trading stocks myself and made my first pot of gold in the 2015 Chinese bull market. After nearly four years of study, I deem it an unprecedented opportunity to deepen my expertise in Finance in this fast changing capital markets and fulfill my life ambitions in the future.

Studying in XX laid a solid foundation in knowledge and learning ability. I obtained A-level grades in both math related courses and finance related courses. Additionally, I completed several programming courses, such as R and Java, and achieved excellent marks. In the university, I was fortunate to join in a research project investigating stock analysts' traits and their forecasts, through which I found myself not best fitted for academic-oriented work but more adaptable to be an industry practitioner that combines abstract theorem with practical situations. In the meantime, this experience forged my sense of rigor and perseverance which will always be cherished in my later lifetime.

I spare no effort to pave the way for future career. My first internship in a local bank let me realize I have more ambition than just doing work that is standard and routinized. However, in the process of reviewing a loan application mostly by human judgement, I was aware that to effectively address the bad debt ratio concern for most Chinese banks, the risk control system of them should be innovated via more quantitative approaches. Simultaneously, from books and media reports I came to know that US stands on the frontier of utilizing quantitative methods in financial risks control. That was when I confirmed my determination to gain a global insight. In the last two years of my college, I accumulated internships in a big four company and famous securities in China, quickly aligning myself to industry practice. From these experiences, I am enlightened that different parts in the finance industry are closely related to each other. For example, skills of interpreting financial accounts and processing Excel gained in Big 4's auditing work are still helpful later when doing the stress test to evaluate the risk faced by asset management company. After tryouts in various fields, I hope to devote to investment analysis or fund management. The logic of security research and the thrill of identify a promising stock is what I am always pursuing. Meanwhile, I firmly believe my past experience in both sell-side and buy-side and familiarity with both front office and middle office will promote my competency as a financial analyst.

I have heard of Olin's reputation for a long time because it is in cooperation with XX School of Management. The program serves as the essential next step toward my future. The well-structured curriculum offers students required courses aimed to deepen their understanding of financial markets and instruments in practical situations, and this is exactly that I am lacking in as an undergraduate. Furthermore, the highly quantitative elective options may open a new world to me and allow me to transform Chinese financial industry in the future. Above all, I am fully convinced that Olin's practical and professional orientation will facilitate my entry into the financial field and I am looking forward to be a member of the MSF program.

Graduate / LSE Msc Finance essay-I want to make an impact in the financial industry [4]

Hi everyone, I am applying for the Master of Finance program and need some advice. All comments are welcomed. Thanks!

Here is the instruction of the essay:
Your personal statement should:
Explain your motivation for undertaking the programme(s)
Describe your academic interests, strengths and background relevant to the programme(s)
Outline your ambitions and/or research interests
Include other relevant information, such as additional reading or research, work or other relevant experiences that have informed your decision to apply for the particular programme(s)

Master of Finance program application essay

My draft:
Bull and bear market, commission fee, cash dividend, exit right, earnings per share......All these terms easily jump out in my family conversations since childhood, arousing my interest in stock investments. When I entered college, I started trading stocks myself and made a fortune in the 2015 Chinese bull market. At this point, I deem it an unprecedented opportunity to deepen my expertise in Finance in this fast changing capital markets and fulfill my life ambitions in the future.

Studying in XX laid a solid foundation in knowledge and learning ability. I am always striving for academic excellence, obtaining A-level grades in both financial theory courses such as Investments and Corporate Finance and courses requiring strong mathematical background, for example, Probability Theory and Statistics and Operations Research. Additionally, I completed R and Java programming courses to enhance coding my skills. In the near future, I can make full strength of my scope of knowledge to reinforce my competence in the business world.

I spare no effort to pave the way for career development. In the summer of sophomore year, I interned at a local bank as an credit manager assistant. Beginning with balance sheet checking, and then conducting face-to-face inquiry to the entrepreneurs about their business models and future prospects to evaluate their cash flows, finally I was able to carry a 2 million RMB loan review. It was the first tryout to orient my future career and let me realize I have more ambition than just doing standard and routinized work. More conspicuously, the status quo of Chinese banks relying on margins of deposits and loans should be reversed. That was when I confirmed my determination to gain a global insight into the capital operation in mature markets.

In the last two years of my college, I accumulated internships in a big four company and famous securities in China, quickly aligning myself to industry practice. During the internship in XX auditing department, I was involved in a public firm's annual audit procedures. Thanks to the mutual collaboration in our team, I got a much deeper understanding of firms' three financial statements and successfully handled 5 working papers for 5 accounts. Moreover, I was fortunate to participate in a research project investigating correlations between sell-side analysts' characteristics and their forecast, reading a profusion of academic periodicals and collecting background data of security analysts in the domestic market. Through this experience I found myself more interested to be an industry practitioner that combines abstract theorem with practical situations, rather than an entirely academic-based researcher. In the meantime, it cast light on the role of security analysts and prompted me to do the internship as a security research assistant. The thrill of discovering potential values of a stock and the logic displayed in a professional investment report are what I am always pursuing. After tryouts in various fields, I hope to devote to the field of fund management. There are two considerations for choosing this field. First, the asset management sector is growing steadfast these years and still has great potential to explore. Second, my skillsets in investment analysis, accounting basics and risk management in buy-side firms will promote my competence when making decisions as a fund manager. My vision in the future is to apply the fundamental & quantitative strategies to develop products that really meet the needs of ordinary people, thus fueling the advancement of Chinese asset management industry.

The Msc Finance program at LSE serves as the essential next step toward my future. Through 4 years of college study, I find undergraduate curriculum is comprehensive to some degree. I would like to go deeper based on what I have studied. Base in the world's financial hub, London, it is closely connected with financial firms and provides students opportunities to communicate with outstanding industry practitioners. More importantly, the curriculum is well-designed and caters to my needs. The synthesis of the valuation techniques acquired in Corporate Finance and hedging methodology in Financial Engineering enables me to better combine fundamental and quantitative methods. I am strongly drawn to the emphasis the program places on empower students to participate in empirical applications. For example, in the course Topics in Portfolio Management, students can mimic the case of constructing a portfolio and implementing dynamic investment strategies. Meanwhile, the program assembles people with brilliant minds and rich experience that would often share similar career orientation, so we can unite together to prepare for interviews and encourage each other when seeking for employment. In addition, the story sharing of different culture would embellish my extracurricular life.

My short-term plan is to become an investment analyst in an asset management company or a large security broker in UK or China, which provides me with quick growth opportunities and allows me to expand my business networks. I am planning to pass CFA level1 in next summer and hoping to pass CFA level 2 after graduation from the program. Simultaneously, I will always prepare to be a fund manager in the long term, thus fulfilling my long-term goal to independently undertake investing decisions and unearth alphas relative to proposed benchmarks. If blessed with the chance to be part of the program, I would introduce my classmates to the market dynamics in China, the second largest economy worldwide, and share unique insights on how to do business in this evolving world. Never ceasing to striving for a better self, I cherish the hope to be admitted to your program, where I will nourish my aspiration with effort, and from which I will set out for my journey to become someone making an impact in the financial industry. Equipped with a strong foundation in analysis of finance and strong interpersonal skills, I believe I can quickly adapt to your program and put on outstanding academic performance afterwards. With world-leading faculty and top-notch resources, your program will offer me a worthwhile learning journey.