Undergraduate / Diagnosed with (ITP) +an underprivileged household - UCF Admission Essays [5]

I'd appreciate any feedback. I consider writing my weakest point so any suggestions would help me a lot.

1. This past year I have pulled through one of the toughest times in my life. In October 2008 I was diagnosed with Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura (ITP), an auto-immune disease that affects platelets. Learning about this bleeding disorder I had to quit both the Cross Country and Lacrosse teams; sports had always been a part of my life and I was devastated to quit. The rest of the year I was constantly sick or at the doctors. The absent days along with ITP's symptoms, including exhaustion, made the year difficult for me academically. I had to push myself to keep up with my classes both mentally and physically. Throughout the year I tried many treatments to get my platelet numbers up. After a few months of steroids I had multiple Intravenous Immune Globulin infusions with short lived success. The next treatment we decided was on a chemotherapy drug Vincristine; a month of this only raised my platelet count for two months. Before deciding what to do next I attended the annual ITP conference. The conference let me learn about the next treatments available and connected me to other teenagers with the same disease. Finally I felt like there were people to talk with who understood what I was going through. Upon returning I started Rituximab treatments which work by suppressing my immune system. These infusions were the roughest on my body, inducing acute rheumatoid arthritis. I spent the last two weeks of treatment in agonizing joint pain; thankfully it paid off. It has been two months since my treatment and I am responding extremely well. Even though ITP changed my life it helped me realize what is truly important, and that I want to pursue a career in oncology/hematology to help others going through the same situation.

2. Growing up in an underprivileged household has taught me that I need to strive for what I want to accomplish in my lifetime. As a child I understood that anything worth doing required determination, knowing this I grew up into a driven independent woman. My mother did all she could when raising us yet was unable to provide us with all the things we wanted. I never resented that fact, but instead made it my goal to be able to one day have everything within my grasp. Even now that my home is being foreclosed without us having a place to go, my mother has not given up. She is still trying her best to be there for us and keep moving forward. Through her strength to overcome her life's harsh realities I have become a stronger person. I know what it is like to live in a one bedroom apartment with four people, or to not have enough money for groceries. I worked hard in all aspects of my life so that I would be able to prove to my mom that through everything she raised me to be a successful woman. In the Hispanic culture the children are to take care of their parents when they grow old, and I want to be able to give my mom the world for everything she has done for me. This inner drive is the reason why everything I do has all my effort behind it. I want to show the world what I am capable of accomplishing and that no matter the situation, it does not define who you are or will be.

Writing Feedback / Hills Like White Elephants Essay (man and girl frustration) [2]

Write a mini-essay supporting the following questions: Whom does the author appear to sympathize with more? Whom do you consider to be more manipulative? Identify the tone at the beginning, the middle and the end of the story.

Any feedback is appreciated, I particularly am uncertain with grammar. Thanks.

Ernest Hemingway's "Hills Like White Elephants" depicts the story of a young woman faced with the decision of abortion. As the story progresses in intensity, Hemingway seems to sympathize with the girl who is being manipulated by the man she is with. The stressed dialog in the beginning suggests that they are avoiding the deeper issue at hand.

It is quite obvious that the author sympathizes with the girl simply through making her. Being the only character with a name, Jig, seems more real to the reader and personable. The dialog also reveals the author's attitude towards the girl by showcasing her as a submissive meek figured controlled by the man. She says, "Then I'll do it. Because I don't care about me," showing that she is in love with this man and seeks his approval and happiness. Her submissive nature to the man's wishes over her own shows the author's pity towards the girl who is unable to express her emotions. It is apparent that she wants to keep her child even if it is a white elephant and will only cause her to give everything up . This inability to communicate is made apparent early on in the story as the tension builds to their first argument.

Hemingway leaves no doubt that the man is the manipulative antagonist of this story. He is only referred to as 'the man' or 'the American' not giving him an identity. The man is the one who starts both arguments by dismissing Jig's white elephant comment and bringing up the abortion. The author makes the man to be very selfish in wanting the girl to have the abortion so that he can keep his status quo. When he says, "I'm perfectly willing to go through with it if it means anything to you," he is telling her that he will to put up with the hassle of the baby ,but cares nothing about the baby. He is manipulative as he tries to convince her that the abortion is no big deal and that many people have had them. He clearly has no interest in the baby when he says, "I don't want anyone else. And I know it's perfectly simple." The middle of the story is very evasive and caustic with the man playing with the girl's head by saying this he does not mean while she doubts him but eventually concedes.

By the end of the story the tone has moved to frustration between the man and girl. Both feel exhausted by the other's reasoning. The author does not reveal what the girl chooses to do but instead has her state, "I'm fine." With Jig's personality already observed it is reasonable to say that she is indeed no right at all. Whether she had decided to keep the white elephant and give up her life as it use to be, or have an abortion and return to the life she no longer wants is never clear. This leaves the reader able to make their own decision on what choice she made.