Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: Two-Part Question Food [2]

consumer awareness about food

Question
Most people are not interested in how their food has been produced. They care about how much it costs. How true is the statement? What influences people when they buy food?

Essay
In spite of the fact that some customers put the price as the primary consideration before consuming particular food, I believe that a majority of people put more concern on how healthy it is cooked. Apart from that, appearance and nutrition are two factors attracting people's appetite for food.

There seems a mindset growing that the more expensive the meal is, the higher its quality will be causing the reasonable price becomes some people's concern. In fact, however, there is no strong correlation between the price and quality of food. Taking some restaurants in Indonesia as examples, various brands of fast food which contains much preservation, additive, and unhealthy ingredients often offers higher cost than those selling fresh food. Accordingly, instead of only relying on the price, it is more common to cross-check the sanitation of food processing before deciding to purchase it.

Moreover, people tend to value some meal according to its appearance and nutrition fact. To illustrate, the condition of soft bread, blood-red meet, and fragrant apples indicates foods hygiene, origin, and freshness, and then influence consumers' preference, regardless of the actual process they have passed through. Besides, since many people are either health conscious or in a diet program, they often research how much vitamin, fat, mineral, and other nutrition that food contains to check whether it is well-matched with their calorie needs. Accordingly, not only does the outside condition, but the inside one also plays an important role in influencing people's desire for food.

To sum up, instead of paying much attention to how much money should be spent on a sort of food, generally, people's focus on how it is processed and served as well as its nutritional status outweighs it. Moreover, it appears that in future this trend will remain the same considering that more people are becoming more aware of their fitness rather than the financial condition.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: Problems and Solutions Small Business [2]

forms of support for small businesses

Question:
Many small businesses are being forced to close because they are unable to compete with multinational corporations. What are the problems of this cause and how can those problems be solved?

Essay:
Due to the fact that many micro domestic enterprises are hard to survive in the global market competition, they are experiencing a dire pressure to be closed down. As this phenomenon may lead to the root of many problems, poverty, the government should improve their business by providing a loan as well as conducting entrepreneurship training programs.

The most immediate problem caused by stopping people to run their businesses is they will lose their livelihood. Unfortunately, it is then more often than not to them to be able to get a new job in the near future. Thus, it will weaken their purchasing power to fulfill their family's daily needs which then, in the long run, the accumulation of these problems may lead to other worse, wider problems, such as the high crime rate, low nutrition intake, and decreasing gross domestic product.

Based on the aforementioned troubles, this issue should be anticipated quickly such as by lending businesspersons with a loan through national banks since one of the reasons why they are hard to compete is the lack of capital to run their business. To ease them amortizing it, the calculation of the interest should depend on their profit. Besides, the community needs workshops about entrepreneurship in order that they know how to conduct market research, calculate their profit margin, and improve both quality and the uniqueness of their products. This is because business consultants claim that 90% of business failure is caused by the management inadequacy which is shared to 48% for incompetence and 42% for inexperience.

To sum up, instead of forcing entrepreneurs to stop their business that may lead to poorness, it is imperative for the authorities to empower them with not only a soft loan but also training to compete against international industries.

Writing Feedback / Human activities on land and in the sea cause extinction of many animal species [2]

Causes and Solutions of Animal Extinction

Question
The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in sea. What are the reasons and solutions?

Essay
As people's exploitation of not only land and water but also their animals are now in the alarming rate, the diversity loss is becoming a global problem. Accordingly, this activity should be banned by the government by establishing spaceless residence, wildlife subject, and deterrent punishment.

The variety of animals in the environment has been reducing because their habitat is destructed by humans for the settlement purpose. To illustrate, people massively cut trees in the forest to provide the space and resource for building houses which then kills many kinds of animals as they lose their place and food sources. This problem is also worsened by the fact that many extinct, wild animals are hunted uncontrollably for the commercial utilization, such as in Africa, where 95% of the black rhino population has been exterminated by poachers for their horns.

An alternative approach that can be introduced to solve the aforementioned problem is doing activities without harming nature, likes building vertical houses that can reduce the housing area needed. In addition, the authority should campaign the importance of animal conservation by integrating it into the school curriculum and making it the most frequent topic in the mass media. Besides, imposing a punishment for people who irresponsibly destroy both the environment and creatures, ranging from fining to prison, is imperative in order to bring a deterrent effect.

All in all, by reducing the space for residents and promoting the urgency of the environment as well as making a policy, human irresponsible activities, such as deforestation and illegal hunting, that may kill animal species can be controlled and reduced.