Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

An IELTS task 2 essay on noise control

Tunanut 6 / 12 5  
Nov 16, 2018   #1
Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much noise as they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

sound influence on human life and health

It is widely known that sounds have a strong correlation to the quality of human life and health, both physically and mentally. While some people argue that a man should be free to make noise as he pleases, I agree with those who advocate a rigid policy of sound control, as will now be discussed.

On one hand, I can see why some people are against noise controls. For example, for big entertainment events such as live music concerts and festivals, cacophony is clearly unavoidable. The participants see the noise as an integral part of the recreational aspect of such events. Looking at the argument in this side, many people feel that man-made noise should not be restrained.

On the other hand, I side with people who support a noise control system, because it is undeniable that there are also people who are unwillingly affected by loudness in bad ways. I was once failed my test because a public nearby speaker, which was unceasingly producing unbearable loud music, made me unable to fully pay attention to questions in the test. Not only students, but patients in hospitals also suffer from noise. It prevents them from sleeping and thus, halt the recovering process, and this takes a heavy toll on their health. Any threats to the functionality of critical organizations like hospitals and schools must be banned or controlled, and noise is no exception.

In conclusion, while loud sounds are, under certain circumstances, a means of entertainment, I hold the view that regulations on noise issues are necessary to maintain a functional society. If not properly restricted, songs can also become security threats, as explained in this essay.

ulfaidrus 3 / 2  
Nov 16, 2018   #2
Hi, Tunanut. It is a well-written essay.

To improve your correlation and cohesion, attempt to revise your thesis statement by putting your main ideas. Write in brief the reason for your position.

..., I agree with those who advocate a rigid policy of sound control as it may irritate others.

Besides, I think you need to clarify the topic sentence of your body paragraph 1. Instead of directly giving an example, you may put how people generally like to make noise as their freedom. For instance,

On the one hand, some people may against noise controls because they believe that they should not be restricted for activities that support their passion and enhance their happiness.

Moreover, to make your writing more academic, I suggest you avoid personal styles, such as using "I, we, you" in your essay.
Ken Adams 1 / 2  
Nov 16, 2018   #3
Hi @Tunanut, you did a great essay.
I kind of have something that it can improve your essay:
While some argue that people could be free to make noise as they please. When you have a strongly statement afterwards, it would be better to give a general statement.

to make your writing more formal and academic, you should avoid using the speaking phrase : I can see ( it's seem that) , Looking at the argument in this side, I side with

Try to give a balance answer, and develop your first body paragraph 1 deeper to convince the opinion.
OP Tunanut 6 / 12 5  
Nov 17, 2018   #4
Thanks for commenting on my essay. But, I think I'm not going to and not trying to have a balance answer here, nor to make the first argument more convincing. The reason is I'm in favor of the second idea, which means I would spend more effort to develop it.

Home / Writing Feedback / An IELTS task 2 essay on noise control