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Posts by THI [Suspended]
Name: THI
Joined: Dec 19, 2018
Last Post: Dec 20, 2018
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  
From: Viet Nam
School: WASS

Displayed posts: 3
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THI   
Dec 19, 2018
Writing Feedback / Parents have a responsibility to both care for and prepare their children as they approach adulthood [6]

PARENTS AND CHILDREN RELATIONSHIP



TOPIC: In many countries, young people are granted certain privileges and responsibilities at the age of sixteen. Clearly parents have a responsibility to both care for and prepare their children as they approach this important milestone. To what degree should parents intervene in the lives of their 14-15-year-old children?

This is my essay:

All citizen of a country are fair in law as they are entitled to do something when they old enough. If they are a child, they will be protected from danger by the government. In my opinion, there are two ways to ensure that the rights of young people are respected.

Through school, mass media, people's rights are widely disseminated. By putting posters along the main roads, moreover, writing books, song and short films about halls of power as the main topic should be encouraged to produce and give free to students. In addition, the online social network is another way to convey the human rights to the young people. This could educate young people about the importance of their rights so that they seek to help to defend themselves.

The government also has a responsibility to protect the young people's rights. Polices should take the interests of young people into account. In certain circumstance, they will appoint a young people's commissioner to sorority new legislation for compliance with the framework such as the Vietnam Convention on the Rights of the Young. This method results in ensuring young people are continuously represented in the hall of power.

All in all, to ensure the youth rights, the whole society must give their hands. It is clear that respecting the youth rights is not just for benefits of the young, but also for highly security of society.
THI   
Dec 20, 2018
Writing Feedback / The authority is expected to allocate more budget to railroads instead of motorways [3]

Nowadays, to meet the basic needs for worldwide population explosion, public transportation, especially locomotives, play an important role in people's daily commute.

I think it is better to use Today instead of Nowadays in ielts writing.
You also need to notice the commas position in a sentence and subjects and verbs agreement.
Ex: to meet......plays....
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