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The authority is expected to allocate more budget to railroads instead of motorways


yuu483 1 / -  
Dec 19, 2018   #1
Topic:

Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads.


To what extent do you agree or disagree?

(extracted from Cambridge IELTS 11 Writing Test 1 Task 2)

Nowadays, to meet the basic needs for worldwide population explosion, public transportation, especially locomotives, play an important role in people's daily commute. The authority is expected to allocate more budget to railroads instead of motorways. In this essay, I will strongly support the given opinion, regarding to various advantages brought by trains.

First of all, the growing population density is posing an alarming threat to the environment. On that account, train system could reduce the number of private means of transport and thus lower the amount of fumes emission into the atmosphere.

Moreover, as trains run on the respective and particular routes, they could avoid traffic congestion and accidents that are common on the motorways. That being said, commuters can get to the venue in a shorter period of time rather than waste their time waiting idly on the road.

Finally, since trains are already one of the safest ways of travelling, if they are well-invested, they could be more beneficial and profitable for not only the traffic purpose but also for many other fields. A proper example is Japan, a nation with highly innovated railway system. Despite the fact that the potential of railroads has long been exploited, some high-speed trains remain getting upgraded and are made to be luxurious travel tours. Not only do those bullet trains travel tours bring to the country both financial profit and social advantage, but they also helps to solve unemployment.

In conclusion, with a great deal of possibility to develop and profit, the railroads deserve proper investment by the officials, regardless of developed countries or developing ones.

_________________

Hi everyone!
I'm a newbie here and I long for your help with my essays focusing on IELTS Writing format. I look forward to and truly appreciate your kind help and instruction. Thank you in advance!

THI 1 / 2  
Dec 20, 2018   #2
Nowadays, to meet the basic needs for worldwide population explosion, public transportation, especially locomotives, play an important role in people's daily commute.

I think it is better to use Today instead of Nowadays in ielts writing.
You also need to notice the commas position in a sentence and subjects and verbs agreement.
Ex: to meet......plays....
Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Dec 20, 2018   #3
Yuu, since you are using various websites to study how to write the Task 2 essay, I will not change what you have learned about the formatting of the essay nor the way that you present it from those online sources. I do not want to confuse you when it comes to the learning process. I want you to write in the manner that is comfortable for you and reflects what you feel you have been taught by the online tutorials you so that you will not have to try to learn 2 writing styles. Instead, I will simply focus my advice on your grammar and related problems. That will still be helpful to you in the sense that you will learn why your scores might be low in the actual test.

In this essay, you showed a problem in your writing skill with regards to subject - verb disagreements. You wrote "... but they also helps to solve..." when the correct reference in this instance should have been "but they also help solve". Helps refers to action done in the third person present format of the word while help is the actual verb form.

You may also wish to consider building up your vocabulary of descriptive adjectives so that you can create better, more academic sounding essays. Rather than saying "an important role", use a higher vocabulary reference such as "a key role", "a significant role", or "a vital role", all of which help to heighten the impression of your vocabulary abilities with the examiner.

Personally, I would have liked to see you offer a direct response to this question rather than reminding the examiner that you are writing an essay. He already knows that. A simple response of "I strongly support this statement due to the importance of locomotion..." would have been clearer and more cohesive in terms of paragraph presentation. Then again, if you are writing based on the sample from the book, then just ignore my advice and focus on the grammar issues alone. I don't want to confuse you during your learning process.


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