Writing Feedback / Certain talents, for instance for music and sport - acquired or learned? [3]

I think that you did use many savvy words such as persistence, declared, miracles and they are great.
However, you have to rephrase more, use more highly academical words and avoid from reusing 1 word :

"Some people believe that special talents are usually ..." >>>>>> While some individuals advocate that unique talents are frequently accompanied with innate, special abilities, the others oppose that everyone can be trained to absorb the savvy, sophisticated talents.

=> the word 'special' is used twice

You should give more explanation for your examples such as :
Mohammed Ali, the professional boxer, who had to endure many difficulties in life, for instance.
Do not give an example and change to the new one without explanation

Besides, you wrote 331 words. For me, this number is quite high. Great one is approximately 260.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2 - Video games: harmless fun or useful educational tool? [6]

I think you should avoid from using the phrases '' as mentioned above" or "into something'' because i find them quite informal and you can easily find the synonymous phrases which are more formal and academical.

furthermore, you should mention more specific examples( optional) because you can easily use highly sophisticated words by giving fake information.
For example, according to Times magazine's statistic, 65% video game addicts cannot receive graduating certificate and 2% of them are illiterate