Scholarship / The elections of Key Club Statistical Secretary - Questbridge 200 Word Essay [4]

Prompt: Tell us about one of your proudest achievements or moments and what it says about you.

Secretary elections

I'll never forget that sound of applause filling the room when they announced my name as the winner for the elections of Key Club Statistical Secretary. That was my second year running for a board position after I ran for treasurer my freshman year and lost to an incumbent, but I tried again because I was so passionate about the club. I'm so glad that I tried again because it took a lot of courage from me since I was extremely shy and quiet at the beginning of high school and had been trying to become more confident in myself and become a better leader because of Key Club. Thankfully, I was elected after my second try and it was very instrumental to building my character and finding my leadership skills, and I think it shows that I am willing to step outside of my comfort zone for something I am passionate about. I always strive to try my best when it comes to something I am determined to accomplish.

I feel like this is so boring and one-dimensional. How can I improve it/make it more interesting? I'm open to any feedback or criticism.

Scholarship / My ACT Test - Questbridge 200 word essay [2]

Prompt:

Tell us about one of your proudest achievements or moments and what it says about you.

"You have five minutes remaining in the section," the proctor announced. I sat there, heart palpitating, thoughts racing, and mind jumbling. I still had ten questions left on the ACT Reading section as I scanned the last passage with feverous haste, and by the time I looked up at the analog clock, I had one minute left. My hand frenziedly scribbled in random bubbles until time had been called. There was still a discomforting void; I stared at my five empty answers as we finished the section and moved onto the next. I felt defeated, but my only option was to just finish the test.

I was sure that I failed, but at the same time, I just didn't know. I log on weeks later to see my results, preparing myself to see a 28 at best, maybe a 29. Except it's not a 28, or even a 29--it's a 31. My eyes widen and my hand hovers over my gaping mouth as I stare at the screen. I jump from my seat and celebrate. I was so proud of myself because I exceeded my own expectations and was capable of doing more than what I limited myself to.

I scrapped my old essay for this prompt and this is my first draft for the new one. I know 31 isn't that great compared to other QB applicants (haha), but the point was that I did better than I had anticipated.

Do you think this is an appropriate story?
How can I improve it?
How do I effectively end the essay?

Any feedback is appreciated, thanks!