Undergraduate / Insulting words - Tell us your biggest fear [3]

the apathy

'' Oh my f* god, she's wearing the pink underwear''
''You are such a slut''
'' Why don't you shave your hair?''
''Can you shut your mouth up? ''

This is what I called the ''normal'' conversation. Literally, normal, as I heard it every day. In 9th grade, at a new school, I got bullied by a group of boys in my class. That was probably the most terrible thing I have ever experienced during my 17-year-of-existence. Everyday weighed upon me like a battle. Mentally and physically, I was completely exhausted. I would spend hours thinking about insecurity and tried to unhealthily suppress it to seek the attention of those who bullied me. I became excessively obsessed with how people perceived me and did everything in my power to fill the emptiness inside me with others' approval. But that was not all.

There were great gusts of cold air blowing in. A candle is blown out, was it the signal of the end of something? I'm not sure.

The worst thing was not the fact that I was bullied but people's apathy that hurt me the most. I got attacked by those insulting words. EVERYDAY. From a carefree 13-year-old who alwaýs dreamt about the magical world in Ghibli movies, she was afraid of this world and lost her faith in the people. She sought help from her classmates and even the teacher who thought that they were just the mischievous boys. No one was out there to help her. She once cried her eyes out when watching ''Miracle in Cell No. 7'' when the mentally challenged father decided to sacrifice for the well-being of his daughter after being forced to confess his guilt although he did not commit. He was defenseless, he had no other choice because he was the people whose voice was not heard. I used to be empathetic but had never thought that one day, I would deeply relate to. All the things that happened were the cause that rooted in my biggest fear: it's the apathy - a social disease that needs more serious attention.

Things just got worse over time. But one day, they crossed the line. They insulted my family. And that was my limit. I couldn't stand more. I stood up and sprung to my self-defense. I criticized them for bullying me, for insulting me and my family, for neglecting one's life. I also criticized the other, and even myself for not having the confidence to stand up. That burst of anger fueled my courage. I was made sharply aware of how bullying has been happening terribly everywhere but still, no one comes up with any effective measures and how the apathy has been more and more apparent and intense. And that someone must take action to stop this from happening. It was only a moment of realization but crucial enough for me to acknowledge its existence.

I did not have that power to completely change the whole situation. But I was proud of myself for standing up for me and also for another girl in my class who was also bullied. I may not be certain of my future but I know for sure what I want to serve and want to change. I want to be the voice of the ignored, of the underprivileged, and the unheard. I want to change the way people perceive this world, about the sufferings of the people they treat with disrespect. I will fight against ignorance, discrimination, and prejudice.

With me, the world is no more different than a candle. Love, passion, strength,... Together, we could keep the flame burning. But even if it is blown out, it is not the end. Looking up to the sky, there are millions of stars twinkling. Everyone has and deserves the night sky.

Undergraduate / Tell us your biggest fear (this is the prompt). To being bullied [3]

I know the prompt is way too broad. But I'd like to describe a fear that I had in the past, and how I changed, etc.

Please help me with this and some guidance to perfect this. Thank you so much!

I found my galaxy

There were great gusts of cold air blowing in as I walked under a curtain of darkness that draped the sky, starless. I could not focus.

A single soul used to exist inside me. 2017 was a defining year to remember. Upon my optimistic vision about a new life, however, something happened in a way that I had not expected.

I was bullied by a group of "friends" I spent my summer looking forward to meeting. I stood alone, looking at each of them slowly coming at me, then spit out an insult. I would ask them why, but they never answered. Everyday weighed upon me like a battle, and I was the only one who kept fighting. Mentally and physically, I was exhausted. I reached out for help from friends and even teachers. I felt like I was standing in the dark, but no one voluntarily pulled me out in the light. I was overwhelmed by a feeling of helplessness that resided in me, started to grow, and encompassed me entirely.

When I was seven, I saw a smaller girl than I stood in the sun for many hours asking for money, hands in hands with her little brother. When I was twelve, I saw my mom on the phone, crying. After that

I knew my grandma was hospitalized. She was a woman of struggle, who used to be very healthy just like yesterday, who now developed severe lung disease and was gasping for life. I could not help but resentful of my oblivion and helplessness. I saw my mom break down for the first time, except for the couraging words, I could not do anything else. The feeling of helplessness, I feared it. It did not go away but haunted me like a ghost.

She passed away. I had not properly said goodbye. I refused to let go of my grandmother, to accept the death I had not seen coming. I did not cry; I wanted to be the strong one, to be the one whom my mom could seek comfort and solace. A lot of things were racing through my mind. I lived in despair and neglected my beloved ones; I did not realize how much I had lost. Deep regrets and resentment with myself led me to the realization that later granted me freedom. I did not want to dwell on the past, to live a life directed by the others. I did not want to live in despair or regret. I did not want the feeling of helplessness to trap me in the world of the impossible. Therefore, I needed to take action.

I started to take defense for myself, criticized those who bullied me, and the bystanders' apathy. It was a long time, and I was still the only one who kept fighting in the battle. I got my first win! From the desperate efforts to the determined goals, the bullied were kept in detention. I got my very first friends who could not stand such blindness resurfacing but stood up for me. I started to open up; it took me a long time to relieve the pain of loss. From my grandmother, I collected the memory of her life, her optimism, and her kindness. I collected her years of agony and suffering, years of never giving up. From my grandmother, I learned about life, to cherish every moment, and to beat the fear of helplessness.

Even under the expanse of darkness, I found my galaxy in which every aspect of me shines like a star. I, too, deserve the night sky.