Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by ago1130
Joined: Oct 25, 2009
Last Post: Oct 31, 2009
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 5
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ago1130   
Oct 27, 2009
Undergraduate / 150 word essay about playing DOUBLE BASS [6]

I needed something to cope with my stress and relieve me because of the loads of homework that was given. Fortunately, after a long,and seemingly desperate search, I finally found the answer: playing the double bass. Whenever I am frustrated, I relieve my tension and stress by synchronizing myself with the deep resonating sound that accompanies me to my most composed state. I sit on my stool, relax my tightened muscles, calm my fatigued mind, and gently close my weary eyes eventually to be consumed by my only cure. Before long, I am completely immersed in a melody, reaching the blank state that I have so longed for. Playing the double bass has provided me with thea moment where I can relax from arduous tasks and rejuvenate my mind in order to manage my stress adequately to any situation.

Very good essay with good flow. Just a little bit of changes that I made, but other than that its perfect!
ago1130   
Oct 27, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address' - UF Essay: (meaningful event) [7]

Great essay, but good blow flow, but the only problem is you are incorporating too many ideas to the essay, thus losing track of the main idea you are trying to get through. Also, just review it because there are a couple of parts where there are too much wording. For example:

"To be part of the UF Model United Nations would be very prestigious, not only that but also sharing the love" should be rephrased to make it flow better like..."

Good luck on it!
ago1130   
Oct 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Goldman Sachs CTW - CommonApp - elaborate an experience. (150 words) [3]

Hi, I just wrote an essay on the Common Application and I just needed some opinions on it. Thank you!

During the school year, I had the best opportunity to work with Goldman Sachs Community Team Works in a service project called Project HAPPY Carnival Day. The volunteers and I helped assemble a carnival for those with either mental or physical disabilities and entertained them with carnival activities including jewelry making, cup cake designing, car racing, bowling and more. The majority of the time I worked in car racing and bowling, an active area that many kids and adults enjoyed. Being able to work with this organization was the changing aspect of my life, allowing me to realize what I want to pursue as a career. Seeing the faces of children so happy, being cared by not only parents, but by me and other volunteers, felt good knowing that they were safe and healthy. Helping and caring is what I enjoyed and seeing them happy made me realize I wanted to become a nurse, a job that requires taking care of someone, which is something that I both enjoy and good at.
ago1130   
Oct 28, 2009
Undergraduate / 150 word essay about playing DOUBLE BASS [6]

The topic is a very good choice. What the colleges want to see is more of how you write your essay. The are trying to see your style of writing more than to the topic. The essay was written perfect and the only thing that really needs to be change are:

- The first and second sentence are the same idea so condense it into one.
- Then follow the rest that linmark explains, which is perfect.

Don't both changing the topic because it is perfect. Little changes made here and there and your set!

Thanks for helping me on my essay too!
ago1130   
Oct 31, 2009
Undergraduate / CommonApp - Personal Essay - Topic of Your Choice - "Believing is Achieving" [3]

Hi, I just completed my college essay and I wanted to get a few opinions on it. Thank you so much for your help!

The whistle blows, the crowd is cheering, and the coaches screaming. My heart beats with intensity and I feel the urge to run my hardest, take every hit, and reach the main purpose. Win the game.

My body is jittery, full of the anxiety and excitement. I feel the defenders stick heavily resting on my hands, and see the looks in his eyes saying to me "You're not going anywhere." Despite the intimidation, I motivate my mind and my body telling them that there are no limitations to my ability, that nothing will stop me from putting the ball in the cage.

Lacrosse, a sport that requires physical and mental strength, pushes you to reach the max by putting the body and mind to the test. Every practice and game signifies a new lesson with challenges to become a better player. To become faster, quicker, stronger, but more importantly to build the state of mind that nothing can stop you, is the achievement that I set my mind too. I understand the struggles and obstacles that were going to be faced since the beginning, when I first started playing lacrosse in eighth grade. Through the bruises and injures and unfavorable weather, I play lacrosse because I made the decision to achieve.

Having the advantages of family and friends to motivate me, I have no real reason to use lacrosse. I don't play lacrosse to just gain popularity, nor do I play it because I can hit and hurt people. I play the sport because it disciplines me and builds my mental strength on my own. Consistently, I push myself to be stronger, quicker, faster, and smarter to become better than the player above me, for not only the team but for my own dignity. In some way with no weaknesses and full responsibility, I practice every second of the day like it is my last. I shoot at the goal with all my strength, harder and harder, while having the sensibility that I am reaching my achievement and controlling the discipline that is needed in lacrosse. Throughout the practices and games, my mind creates the image of victory that represents my hard work and dedication. Victory constantly reminds me that fighting through the hardships in lacrosse have allowed me to reach the top.

I have built myself to be confident through every task that I have feared. My mind has the fixed image of success in every goal I work hard to achieve. While others may be weak and quit, I, Adrian Go, am strong and determined to reach each goal. No matter what tries to hold me back, I will fight. I will succeed.
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