Undergraduate / UF AND UM Essay - (7 can claim divination) [3]

First off, I am aware that this essay is not complete. My computer wiped itself clean for some weird reason regarding backup and updates. So I decided to start a new essay from scratch because the old one was "not good enough" when I started to think about it. ANY TYPE of help would be appreciated, as i am trying to make the November 1st deadline for UF and UM. here is what I got.

UF:
Essay: In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

Please submit a 400-500 word essay. You can compose the essay in a word processor and then paste it into the text box or you can type directly in the text box. When you are finished save your work.

UM:
Evaluate a significant experience or achievement that has special meaning to you.

Your essay or personal statement is an important and integral part of the application process. Your academic credentials and list of achievements give us information about part of your life, but your essay will provide us with information about you that is not requested elsewhere in the University of Miami Application for Admission.

Please write an essay (300-400 words) about one of the topics listed below. We recommend you copy and paste your essay from a word processing program into the text box below.

RING! RING! RING! The bell seemed to ring abnormally louder than usual that hot afternoon when . In fact, that chimerical difference sounded as if desperate survivors were caterwauling about their suffering. I was nervous, for it seemed that day would never end. It was the day our first high school report cards would be distributed along with our updated transcripts. For some reason, I was wallowed within a morass of self-doubt despite my verisimilitude of being successful to others.

"Anthony Dardano! You're next! Come up here so I can give you your papers." Mr. Hallowell, my teacher proclaimed.
"Relax Anthony, I'm sure you did fine... stop beating yourself..." my friend Giovanni stated.
I walked up to my teacher's desk, received my papers, and sat back down. First thing I saw; straight "A's". Nothing new, I've been used to that my whole life. Seeing that made it appear quizzical to how I was acting before. The real surprise though, lied within my fresh, crisp transcript. My eyes read "Anthony Dardano. Class rank: 7/865. MRank: 8/865." I was appalled, for that collection of text felt therapeutic right upon sight. A plethora of paeans rang majestically in my head and helped me remain sanguine throughout the rest of the day.

It was then since my freshman year of high school, I came to a sudden and dramatic realization. That fait accompli demonstrated to me an elaborate vignette how real, raw talent is nothing more than the culmination of strong responsibility where real prestige comes from the appreciation of rigorous work and integrity...*

*after this point, that's all I got. It's 260 words so far according to Microsoft Office 2007.

I plan to finish more after I wake up :P

Thank you very much guys.

Sincerely,
Anthony Dardano

Undergraduate / "From my heart 'till the end" - UF, UCF, UM Essay [9]

This essay here has been recovered by the miracle of God and I would like some serious evaluation on it. I am trying very hard to reach the November 1st deadline for UF and UM. I plan to use the same general idea for all 3 of these colleges, as I believe it is very important. They are my top 3 college choices in Florida. Right now, the word count is at 517 words with 2,897 characters (with spaces).

ANY HELP A.S.A.P. WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!!! THANK YOU!!

UF:
Essay: In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

Please submit a 400-500 word essay. You can compose the essay in a word processor and then paste it into the text box or you can type directly in the text box. When you are finished save your work.

UM:
Evaluate a significant experience or achievement that has special meaning to you.

Your essay or personal statement is an important and integral part of the application process. Your academic credentials and list of achievements give us information about part of your life, but your essay will provide us with information about you that is not requested elsewhere in the University of Miami Application for Admission.

Please write an essay (300-400 words) about one of the topics listed below. We recommend you copy and paste your essay from a word processing program into the text box below.

UCF:
1. If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.

My mother once told me that when I write I should write from the heart. This past year, I have experienced many obstacles and heartbreaks that have had a significant impact in my life. Shakespeare once wrote, "This is the winter of our discontent." Well, this past year has been the year of MY discontent. Besides losing my grandmother and great-uncle, my nuclear family started to unravel, and my otherwise presumably stable environment fell apart due to an ugly word: DIVORCE.

Fall 2008, I started noticing a change in my family dynamics; my father was more distant and withdrawn than ever. My band "invitational", a meeting of local bands that compete, was marked by my mom, as usual, dedicating her time to my school experience; and my dad, nowhere to be found. This was even more pronounced by the fact that my grandparents did not go see me. You see, little things you do not notice as a kid, you notice as a young adult. Thanksgiving and Christmas came around, and my father was not with us, I confirmed this thing I felt and noticed was real; My family was falling apart, and my life would never be the same again. At that time, I realized I was not only losing my family, but I was losing my childhood.

My father moved out, my mother consumed herself in her work, and in the process of divorce, and my paternal family became distant to me. Everyone I cared about on my dad's side seemed to ignore, chastise, and distance themselves from me. My grandfather, who was my best friend, became a stranger. This hurt more than my father leaving. I still to this day do not understand what my parents divorce has to do with my father's family divorcing me. I understand they take his side over my mom's, thinking I side with her --- I don't. I do side with reason and the reality I see. I do not like being in the middle of a battle I do not feel should be mine; however, I have two younger brothers who I felt responsible for after my father left. Even though mom told me they were not my responsibility, I felt I was the "man of the house" which brought in my mind the responsibility to guide and teach them, and protect my family.

I have always done well in school. I am dedicated, responsible, engaged, personable, friendly, and funny. This last year, I felt my work deteriorate, and my good grades and enthusiasm fall below standard. As I write these essays for college, I try to set my life in order, and realized what I learned from this past year. I learned that my deep-rooted belief in perseverance and commitment is important to me. I learned to be balanced in work and play. Mom said, "Anthony, this is your senior year. Do well, but have fun." I know to this point this past year; I was just existing, and not living fully. This past year has helped me become a well-rounded person. I can sympathize and empathize with other people going through difficult times, and I can help them. I have become more ambitious and responsible, and I believe I bring a spirit of enthusiasm, commitment, and steadfastness to this school. I am a phoenix rising from the ashes of my family's demise on my way to starting anew; soaring high, never to let anything, or anyone stand in the way of what I feel is important and what I feel I can contribute to this world and this school, which in my opinion, is plenty.