Kevin Huy
Dec 15, 2021
Writing Feedback / The bar chart shows the employment rate of males and females in South Africa, Chile, Finland, Norway [2]
Hi everyone! I'm a newbie. Please help me with this essay!
Can anyone please estimate a band score and some advice so that I can improve my writing skill?
The graph below shows the employment rates of 4 countries:
Here is my essay:
The given bar chart shows the employment rate of males and females in South Africa, Chile, Finland and Norway in 2002.
In general, the employment rate of males in all four countries is higher than the rate of females. The rate of men and women in Finland and Norway is almost the same. However, in South Africa, the rate of these two genders is slightly different and there is a big gap in Chile.
Specifically, in comparison of the employment rate of males in all four countries, the bar graph shows that Norway has the highest employment rate, which is about 80% then following that is the rate in Chile and Finland which are almost similar to 70% and South Africa has the lowest employment rate of male. On the other hand, in terms of comparing the female employment rate, Norway is the country that not only has the highest employment rate of males but also the rate of females. Moreover, South Africa still stands in the last position, Finland is the second and Chile is the third one.
To sum up, the employment rate of males and females in four countries in 2002 are almost different from others. Only, Finland and Chila both have a similar male employment rate.
Hi everyone! I'm a newbie. Please help me with this essay!
Can anyone please estimate a band score and some advice so that I can improve my writing skill?
IELTS TASK 1: Employment Rates of four Countries
The graph below shows the employment rates of 4 countries:
Here is my essay:
The given bar chart shows the employment rate of males and females in South Africa, Chile, Finland and Norway in 2002.
In general, the employment rate of males in all four countries is higher than the rate of females. The rate of men and women in Finland and Norway is almost the same. However, in South Africa, the rate of these two genders is slightly different and there is a big gap in Chile.
Specifically, in comparison of the employment rate of males in all four countries, the bar graph shows that Norway has the highest employment rate, which is about 80% then following that is the rate in Chile and Finland which are almost similar to 70% and South Africa has the lowest employment rate of male. On the other hand, in terms of comparing the female employment rate, Norway is the country that not only has the highest employment rate of males but also the rate of females. Moreover, South Africa still stands in the last position, Finland is the second and Chile is the third one.
To sum up, the employment rate of males and females in four countries in 2002 are almost different from others. Only, Finland and Chila both have a similar male employment rate.
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