Writing Feedback / ielts writing task 2: Rich countries often give money to poorer countries [2]

Hi guys, this is my essay on the IELTS academic writing practice. My target score is 6.5, please evaluate my essay and give some advice to improve my performance, thanks a lot.

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people hold the belief that rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. In my opinion, I believe this point of view is true to a certain extent, i think it should be accompanied by other types to be more efficient.

There are numerous reasons why affluent countries support money for the third world, but it does not meet the problem. Firstly, if other countries give money to those in the poorer countries, they might take advantage of this and tend to rely on those supporters. From then on, people appear to lose their effort in working and studying, these circumstances are likely to make the poorer countries more worsen.

Secondly, if people in poorer countries are supported with financial aid, they have lots of money, but they can not produce some essential products like food, and clothes, so what should they do with their money. Therefore, i think that other countries should not only provide poor countries with financial aid, but also other important things in order to help them improve their living standard. For instance, there are lots of organizations from around the world that assist citizens who are living in Africa, they support them with many aspects, building schools and hospitals, providing food and medicine which are likely to help people at there improve their lives.

All in all, I think supporting financial aid for poorer countries is an appropriate way to help people in the third world, but it should be the only thing to supply for the poor.

Writing Feedback / writing ielts task 1: The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were [5]

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph demonstrates the proportion of people born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in different places namely cities, countryside, and towns over a 5-year period, starting in 1995.

Overall, the bar chart witnessed several changes after 5 years. It is also clear that the number of citizens who were born outside Australia and live in cities remained at the highest rate throughout the given course.

In 1995, the rate of people who were born in Australia living in cities stood at around 50% and grew slightly to over 60% in 2010, while the figure for people who were born outside Australia was considerably higher than it, with 60% initially and rose drastically by 20%, reaching 80% in the 5 following years

Regarding the percentage of citizens who were born in Australia and lived in towns and rural started out at approximately 20% and 35% respectively, after which suffered a dramatic drop and recorded having the same figure, nearly 18%. Similar patterns were also seen in the rates of people who were born outside Australia in towns and rural areas, with 18% for the former and 40% for the latter, both recorded in 1995. Then, those figures reduced sharply to under 15% and 10% respectively at the end of the period.

Thanks for your help

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