ielts writing task 2: Rich countries often give money to poorer countries

Hi guys, this is my essay on the IELTS academic writing practice. My target score is 6.5, please evaluate my essay and give some advice to improve my performance, thanks a lot.

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people hold the belief that rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. In my opinion, I believe this point of view is true to a certain extent, i think it should be accompanied by other types to be more efficient.

There are numerous reasons why affluent countries support money for the third world, but it does not meet the problem. Firstly, if other countries give money to those in the poorer countries, they might take advantage of this and tend to rely on those supporters. From then on, people appear to lose their effort in working and studying, these circumstances are likely to make the poorer countries more worsen.

Secondly, if people in poorer countries are supported with financial aid, they have lots of money, but they can not produce some essential products like food, and clothes, so what should they do with their money. Therefore, i think that other countries should not only provide poor countries with financial aid, but also other important things in order to help them improve their living standard. For instance, there are lots of organizations from around the world that assist citizens who are living in Africa, they support them with many aspects, building schools and hospitals, providing food and medicine which are likely to help people at there improve their lives.

All in all, I think supporting financial aid for poorer countries is an appropriate way to help people in the third world, but it should be the only thing to supply for the poor.

The essay will receive an immediate failing Task Accuracy score because you did not reword/restate/rewrite the topic in your own words. You only cut and paste the original text. Therefore, this is considered as plagiarized paragraph and will receive a failing score. The writer's opinion is also unacceptable because rather than using a strong single opinion presentation, you used the phrase "I think" which is considered uncertainty in your opinion. The writer's opinion is also a failing presentation.

The reasoning paragraphs are under developed in terms of explanation and idea presentation. There is a lack of strong supporting evidence for your presented ideas. This lessens the coherence and cohesiveness of your presentations, leading to further failing considerations. Overall, this is a failing score essay.