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Posts by alexakrivoniak
Joined: Nov 17, 2009
Last Post: Jan 18, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 6
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alexakrivoniak   
Nov 17, 2009
Undergraduate / "Can you not move?"; Video Production Essay [3]

"Can you please not move? How do you expect me to ever get this filmed when you won't stop moving around? I set up the shot and you scamper about like some fool. Can't you cooperate for one second? Now, sit still, okay?" My cat blinked up at me with wide eyes, confused. I positioned my camera perfectly behind a nicely knitted spider web and focused the lens on my tabby. "Ready?" I asked and did not wait for a response as I pushed my thumb against the red Record button. The cat blinked once, twice, and raced off camera, following a fat bumble bee down the driveway.

By the time I graduated sixth grade, I made twenty various movies all staring Mrs. Zozo, my kitten. As I have grown, technology followed. Cameras got slimmer and more complicated. I bought (and still own) over six cameras, including a broken old Polaroid. Now, in high school, I hate to say my movies are extremely outdated. Even my technology-impaired mother could produce a better film.

After working so extensively as a producer in my younger years, I love working with technology. I have a passion for creativity. Every aspect of my life revolves around one thingïmy mind. Lock me in a science classroom and I will walk away with a B and a rough understanding of molecules and atoms. But throw me in a classroom with a canvas, with a camera, with a crayon, and I will be there for hours, working on any project assigned.

One of the main aspects that drew me to Allegheny College was the positive reviews from not only employers, but from graduated alumni. I would love to better my knowledge of everything technically creative, but I also am looking for a fun college experience, which, from what I hear, is exactly what Allegheny provides. The school is not far from my hometown, and the campus is just right for my personality. There is a school out there for everyone; Allegheny is my school.

I admit I may not be the smartest kid in my class. My GPA may not jump out at college administrators. My SAT scores may fade into the background behind higher numbers. But that does not mean I do not belong at Alleghany College. My passion and desire to be great stand out from my numbers, from any numbers. I hope this small admissions statement helped you to better understand Alexa Krivoniak as a student, as a learner, as a person. And I promise, if I do get accepted, my little tabby cat will not be staring in any of my future projects.
alexakrivoniak   
Nov 17, 2009
Undergraduate / Dreaded by walking into that class; it felt like I was walking into a class - Influential Teacher [5]

You have a great vocab, which is perfect for a college essay. Just a few grammar mistakes along the way. I also really like the end. :) Corrections are in red.

I absolutely dreaded walking into that class; it felt like I was walking into a prison, never again to see the light of day. These were the emotions racing through my mind when I walked into the first (deleted "class) meeting of my Biology Honors class of my sophomore year (deleted "of high school" ). One of my older friends had taken the class in the past, and all he said was, "You better not hope for an easy 'A' , because you'll be hoping for just a passing grade by the time you get your first test back." One could only imagine how I felt walking into that classroom. Mr. Orlando, the instructor, was the most intimidating teacher I had seen in my entire life; he had the physique of a bodybuilder, and I heard rumors that he had worked as a sniper for SWAT. I took a seat in the back of the room, and waited for class to begin. He went over the syllabus and the logistics of the class, putting an emphasis on the fact that we were honor students and therefore held to a higher standard. By the second week, the class was in full gear.

However, to my astonishment, once he actually began teaching my fears and worries immediately vanished. I was mesmerized by his lectures; they put biology into a unique perspective I had never bothered thinking off. For example, when we were learning about genetics he said, looking around at every student, "Your parents have probably always told you that you were unique and special. Well, they are right. Never in the history of life on this Earth has their been a living creature with any one of your genetic makeup, that is unless you have an identical twin." Ironically, we did have twins in our class and the teacher turned to them and said, "Sorry you guys, you're not unique. Hey, but at least you don't have the same fingerprints." We all burst into laughter.

This one instance (deleted comma) illustrates how Mr. Orlando supplemented biology with passion, humor, and inquisitiveness that captivated my young teenage mind. His class ignited an undying fascination and attachment to the field of biology that can never be extinguished. The class was challenging, and I managed to earn a "B", but that grade does not express the tremendous amount of knowledge I attained. Nonetheless, even after learning so much, his class showed me that we only covered a fraction of the mountain of information present in this amazing field. Mr. Orlando instilled the idea that learning in this field, as with any other, is a continual process that never reaches a destination. What I have gained from that class is simply priceless and words cannot fully describe how much it has meant to me. Every student will have, at some point, a great, inspirational teacher that paves direction to their academic future, and I am very fortunate to of had one at a young, ripe age. I am eagerly hoping to find more instructors of this caliber wherever my collegiate career brings me to-though I would prefer to have professors that can pronounce my name correctly.
alexakrivoniak   
Jan 17, 2010
Writing Feedback / rejected for Early Action - SHORT AND QUICK EMAIL [9]

I was rejected for Early Action to my number one choice and am really nervous about my future! Please look over this short email just to make sure it sounds alright. Please, please don't be afraid of insulting me, I need all the help and suggestions I can get! Thank you!!

Dear -------------,

Hi! My name is --------, and I am a senior at --------- High School. I applied to James Madison in late October. I know that you are extremely busy reviewing applications, but I really felt the need to email you after receiving the rejection letter for Early Action.

I have spent the last few months recovering from a spine surgery, so I have been out of school for most of the year. I know you received my attendance records along with my grades. I just wanted to explain why my work is incomplete and why I have been absent so many times. This year has been rough for me, especially with college applications.

James Madison University is my number one choice. The campus is stunning, and I have only heard great things from current students. I was wondering if there was any other information you needed from me to help my chances for acceptance. For example, I could send an essay or some of my media art samples. When I am fully recovered, I would love to come down and have a personal interview, if you feel on the fence about my application.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this email and, if you have the time, please give me a call on my home phone, -------- or email me back if you have any questions or suggestions. This is really important to me, because I hope to make James Madison my future.

Thank you!
------------------
Anything I should add or remove?
alexakrivoniak   
Jan 17, 2010
Writing Feedback / people should try to earn money as much as possible?? [4]

You use the word "things" a lot! Just be careful of repetition.

A semicolon (;) is used to separate two complete sentences that somehow relate each other.

A colon (:) can be used when addressing a list.

God damn son, this paper was rooooough. I pray to God you still have some schooling left to complete.

alexakrivoniak   
Jan 18, 2010
Writing Feedback / rejected for Early Action - SHORT AND QUICK EMAIL [9]

I'm only adding the bit about my surgery to explain my absences, not because I'm making excuses. It's been physically impossible for me to go to school. And I am still in high school, so I have no "old school".
alexakrivoniak   
Jan 18, 2010
Writing Feedback / rejected for Early Action - SHORT AND QUICK EMAIL [9]

Chillkindacat, it's fine. I'm definitely not offended :) I was just trying to explain myself. I appreciate your feedback. I can't travel yet because of my surgery, so I was going to send this email. Do you think it'd be better if I called her instead?
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