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people should try to earn money as much as possible??

thinhtvdhtm 41 / 97  
Jan 17, 2010   #1
i am preparing for ielts test. my writing is bad.please check for me about grammar, sentence sructures as well as logic. thanks so much

Money can not buy happiness' it is often claimed. But with money you can buy most of thing that are necessary for happiness: good food, accommodation etc. No wonder that most people want to make as much money as possible. Do you agree or disagree.

The question whether or not money can buy every things is controversial. Obviously, in modern society, people are less like to have a good life without money; because, to buy any things for the daily basis, people need to have money. However, I strongly believe that money is not all things what people need; there are many things that is more important than money such as happiness, friend and family relation ship.

In our daily life, there are a range of things that people cannot use money to acquire. Taking happiness for an example; it is often believed that money cannot buy happiness. It is understandable because happiness is some invisible thing that people cannot see or touch, and people can only feel it in their minds. Furthermore, different people keep different thinking about happiness: some link it to materials, while others link to intangible things. In fact, there is a mass of factors forming happiness such as relation ship with friends, colleges or family members which is not purchased with money, not only materials

Moreover, there are also lots of things which are really more important and justified for people to pursuit than earning money such as building good and strong relation ship with people surrounding us, keeping a clear perspective in the future. I totally think that people will feel more meaningful toward life when they have good friends, happy family and receive lots care from people living surround them rather than having lots of money.

In conclusion, people should try to make more money to meet their material demands for improve their living standard. Nevertheless, it does not mean that people should earn money regardless of what they do, the way they earn. It is much better when people know how to balance between earning money and keeping good relation ship with other people, and at that time, people will feel clearly about the true value of the life.

AnnAsburY 1 / 12  
Jan 17, 2010   #2
In your second sentence
"people are less like.."
less likely

"because to buy any things on a daily basis"
because to buy anything on a daily basis

Third sentence
"that money is not all things what people need"
that money is not the only thing people need

"there are many things that is more important than money such as happiness, friend and family relation ship."
there are many things more important than money including happiness, friends and family.
Hope this helps. : )
alexakrivoniak 2 / 4  
Jan 17, 2010   #3
You use the word "things" a lot! Just be careful of repetition.

A semicolon (;) is used to separate two complete sentences that somehow relate each other.

A colon (:) can be used when addressing a list.

God damn son, this paper was rooooough. I pray to God you still have some schooling left to complete.
hatung94 6 / 8  
Jan 23, 2010   #4
the open of your 1st essay seems too long. you should shorten it and focus on the topic :D
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Jan 23, 2010   #5
There are Hundreds of thousands of deaths around the world are caused every year by smoking.

There are h Hundreds of thousands of people in around the world die every year because of smoking.

In fact, there are plenty of scientific research studie s showing that smoking results in some deadly diseases like cancer of lung, livers, kidneys and other cardiovascular diseases. When smokers are not allowed to smoke in public place, it means ...

In a word, it is the "wisdom" of governments that compels them to ban smoking..

nice job!!!

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