Undergraduate / common app short answer - getting over fear of talking on phones [17]

sounds good
your last sentence develops what the colleges want to see

Undergraduate / "Son, your education is your future." - UC prompt [5]

first paragraph corrections:
i think take out the once and just start it off as 'when you were a kid..
change second sentence to :
From that point on, i always dreamt of having the highest possible education because i would be able to understand the world better.

Undergraduate / "a high-power blender" -elaborate on one of your work experiences in 150 words [3]

i really like your last sentence alot
even i can relate that to myself when im ordering

Undergraduate / Personal Statement for Lafayette Describe creative interest or accomplishment [3]

i saw writing as my escape to freedom i would say would be cliche.
sounds like a good start tho