Essays / Effects of violence - Essay intro [2]

You could start it off as

Whether or not exposure to violence causes increased levels of aggression and violence in young people is the perennial question of research. Some experts argue that fifty years of evidence show that exposure to violence causes children to behave more aggressively and affects them as adults years later.

Undergraduate / From Taiwan to the United States -UC Personal Statement #1 - Describe your World [5]

Essay is pretty good. But it doesn't picture you as a confident personality. It's like you want sympathy from the US authorities considering your family background. Try to focus more on your abilities in the essay.

Undergraduate / UC Prompt 1 Dreams and Aspirations [3]

Excellent essay I must say.
There are two mistakes that I found out.

my peers where interacting with one another ----- it should be " my peers were interacting with one another

And the meaning of last sentence is not clear

The journey seems long but if my heart beats out of pace and away from my goal I will take what I have learned from my culture, family and this passion I have and try again.

I think you should reframe it as the last sentence will decide whether you get admitted or not.

Essays / a report on a world issue - GLOBAL WARMING!! [9]

You can start on a scientific note such as

Global warming starts when sunlight reaches Earth. The clouds, atmospheric particles and ocean surface then reflect about 30 percent of it back into space, while the remaining is absorbed by oceans, lands and air.... and so on.