Undergraduate / UC Promt #1 essay "Painting the World" [4]

If you guys can give me any input on how to fix my essay, I would really appreciate it. I've been working on this essay non stop and I'm not sure what to do to fix it anymore. Thanks! ^_^

Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Ever since I was a child, I was always fascinated in art. It wasn't until recently that I found a love of painting. I love the way that each stroke affects the painting and adds detail and texture to the whole. I have found that it takes time to create your perfect piece, but even then it has a couple of flaws. I believe life is exactly the same. Each person leaves their mark on a person they meet, and when that person is all grown up, they are what their creators have painted them to be, beautiful, with a couple of flaws. This is why I want to major in areas that will brighten up a person's painting. Even though their creators might have dabbed them with blacks and dark blues, I want to add those whites and yellows that will give the whole piece light.

When I was a kid, I was a quiet and shy person at heart. My inner painting was drenched in baby blues and light pinks. This is why I tended to listen more than talk. When ever I was alone with my best friend, we would talk about anything in the world that caught our interest. In the end, I always ended up listening. I loved how she would paint her stories and scenes, and how her emotions would come out in various colors. When the conversation was over, I tended to give her advice on some subjects, whether it is guy trouble or family problems. She would give me that appreciative smile at the end that would always warm my heart. The warm fuzzy feeling that I get when I help someone can really compare to nothing else in the world for me. Those moments I have with my friends, as I listen in on their problems and secrets, tell me I have their trust and confidence, and it makes that warm and fuzzy feeling grow even more. Their small appreciative smiles, the shine that comes back in their eyes tell me, that as an artist, as a person, I have added my little whites and yellows exactly where they belong.

Although I believe many will say that I should become an artist due to my interest in art, I believe there is an even bigger canvas that I need to paint. I have this strong urge to paint the world in those yellows and whites I paint my friends in. I may not know in what ways I can paint the world in yet, as that canvas is still bright and filled with possibilities, but I know the road I go on is right for me.

Undergraduate / UC Prompt #1 and 2 :" Compassion within the ice" and "Painting is patience" [2]

I actually posted a prompt one earlier this week, but I decided to start all over and this is what I came up with. I hope you guys will give me some advice on how to fix these up a bit more. Thanks. ^_^

Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

My world isn't filled with diamonds or shiny glass doors. It isn't filled with cows flying over the moon, or knives running away with spoons. My little world is in Rowland Heights, with my family of four. My family, despite its lack of funds, has given me the support and love that I needed to make it through my seventeen years of life. Even though my family may fight a lot and ignore each other most of the time, they have taught me that even the most distant of families can show the greatest of compassion in times of need. It is because of this lesson that I want to help others in any way I can. I want to bestow upon those around me the same courtesy that my family has shown and given me.

A couple of years ago, my mom injured her back and was unable to move. She would lay in bed, unable to work, unable to walk properly, and unable to go to church. I thought that my distant family would barely react to this incident, that we would just go on as if nothing had happened, but I was proven wrong. My family, who hardly talks to each other, who never really had that close bond with each other, pulled together, for the sake of my mother, and took on the burden she always carried, her chores, to keep the family going. My brother and I would do the laundry and dishes, while my dad would attempt to make us dinner after work. We tried to keep the house as clean as possible, and keep my mom healthy and content. We didn't have much money, since my mom brings in most of the income, so we all gave up one thing that we liked the most to survive. My dad gave up his precious fish after dinner, my brother gave up buying numerous amounts of books, and I gave up my allowance. We felt that small thin bond that keeps us together thicken in that one moment. It showed me that no matter what kind of person you are, and what your relationship with a person may be, you will still hold a small piece of compassion tucked away in your heart, because we're all connected in one way or another.

My family's love and willingness to help one another in times of tribulation has really inspired me to go out into the world and do my best to help all those that I can. They taught me, despite their lack of unity, that it is our duty and responsibility to help those around us, especially those closest to our hearts. That is why I want to major in an area that will allow me to help those around me to the best of my ability. It may be in the medical field, or in the psychological field, but I know that when I find the area most suited for me, I will work twice as hard to show my appreciation to my family, who has taught me so much, with so little of their time.

Prompt #2 (all applicants)

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

To me, art has always been apart of my life, whether it was through music or drawings. Even though it's that one constant in my life that I could always depend upon, I never had the patience to complete anything I began. It was only recently in sophomore year that the one pillar in my life that I could never wait for, gave me the patience to wait for everything else.

In my advanced art class, my teacher Mrs. Gavin had us make pieces, in any medium that we chose. I chose color pencils, like always. When I turned in my art work at the end of the week, she suggested that I try painting my piece. I thought, why not, so I gave it a try. It was really frustrating at first, because I've never really painted before, so didn't know how to mix the colors properly. However, I didn't want to give up on something I started, so I kept trying and trying, and found myself getting better each day. Despite the fact that I messed up on several occasions, and eventually had to start over, I began to understand and appreciate the hard work it took to create such beautiful paintings as Van Gogh's, "The Starry Night." As I continued my piece, I started to care more about the quality of my work, and the effort that I was putting into it. I didn't want to make the same mistake of rushing when I first started my piece. Those first rough weeks taught me to be patient and let the piece come together slowly. I realized it wasn't a race; it was about completing my piece and being content with the end result. My first piece, although far from perfect, is the pride and joy of my art career.

That one painting that looked worse than anything I've ever drawn, taught me about patience that no other person could teach me. It taught me that to create a beautiful piece; I must take my time, and place my strokes strategically, because each line can affect the piece as a whole. Before painting, I was always in a rush, always wanting to finish things quickly so I could go on to the next project, but now, I learned to take my steps slowly and appreciate the time and effort that it takes to finish my work. What I am most proud of is not the quality that I can now bring to my work, but the patience that I learned that is behind the quality. There is an old say," you can't teach an old dog, a new trick." Well guess what, I'm not that old.