If you guys can give me any input on how to fix my essay, I would really appreciate it. I've been working on this essay non stop and I'm not sure what to do to fix it anymore. Thanks! ^_^
Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Ever since I was a child, I was always fascinated in art. It wasn't until recently that I found a love of painting. I love the way that each stroke affects the painting and adds detail and texture to the whole. I have found that it takes time to create your perfect piece, but even then it has a couple of flaws. I believe life is exactly the same. Each person leaves their mark on a person they meet, and when that person is all grown up, they are what their creators have painted them to be, beautiful, with a couple of flaws. This is why I want to major in areas that will brighten up a person's painting. Even though their creators might have dabbed them with blacks and dark blues, I want to add those whites and yellows that will give the whole piece light.
When I was a kid, I was a quiet and shy person at heart. My inner painting was drenched in baby blues and light pinks. This is why I tended to listen more than talk. When ever I was alone with my best friend, we would talk about anything in the world that caught our interest. In the end, I always ended up listening. I loved how she would paint her stories and scenes, and how her emotions would come out in various colors. When the conversation was over, I tended to give her advice on some subjects, whether it is guy trouble or family problems. She would give me that appreciative smile at the end that would always warm my heart. The warm fuzzy feeling that I get when I help someone can really compare to nothing else in the world for me. Those moments I have with my friends, as I listen in on their problems and secrets, tell me I have their trust and confidence, and it makes that warm and fuzzy feeling grow even more. Their small appreciative smiles, the shine that comes back in their eyes tell me, that as an artist, as a person, I have added my little whites and yellows exactly where they belong.
Although I believe many will say that I should become an artist due to my interest in art, I believe there is an even bigger canvas that I need to paint. I have this strong urge to paint the world in those yellows and whites I paint my friends in. I may not know in what ways I can paint the world in yet, as that canvas is still bright and filled with possibilities, but I know the road I go on is right for me.
Thank you for the compliment. ^_^ The thing is, I don't really know what my major is, so I selected areas such as Biology undecided, etc. that will give me the opportunity to find out what I will be best at. I'm hoping to find the major that will best fit what I'm trying to accomplish.
This is indeed a nice essay. Even though you are undecided, it is okay to be tentatively decided. You can focus on biology purely for the incredibleness of it, and make it your theme for life right now. You can even declare it as your major right now, but then change it. But the trick is to paint life with broad, full strokes. If you end this essay with some reflection on the way this background has influenced your passion for biology (or something else) it will add definition to the essay and it will make you seem even more focused and determined.
