Posts by ghostmay101

ghostmay101

Nov 26, 2009

Undergraduate / UC prompt#1 the unknown road [7]

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

"Hello, my name is ..."
As I walked to the stage, my legs shook uncontrollably that I could hardly walk. I could hear my heart thumping heavily and become faster and faster. Although I can feel my icy hand, my face turns red. "How can I get through this?" I thought to myself anxiously. The nerve took over every thought and word.

"I'm going to present a current event about the national governments in America."
Standing in front of the whole class, I tried to utter my first word with 60 staring eyes focusing on me. As I continued to speak, however, my discomfort and apprehension diminished. I saw the curiosity and the encouragement from my classmates' face, which forced me to finish. Despite my awkward English, my classmates gave me almost deafening applause which proved the countless nights I put effort in. I walked down the stage, with smile and valor.

That was my first time to give a speech. When I just came to America, I felt fearful and reluctant to stand in front of everyone and speak. Because of my lack of knowledge in English, and mostly the fear and unconfident, I never think of giving a speech in front anyone.

I was always praised for my intelligence and diligence in school. But I didn't try to step out of my own narrow world. As my primary view of American student, they have more diverse life beyond study. Some of my classmates participate in various sports teams, some establish alluring and organized clubs, and some work for the tuition in college. I realized that America needs leadership and innovation, not obedience and stereotype. They gave speeches in front of the whole school to run for student council and dare to challenge the teacher, which is out of my original imagination.

I'm not a natural-born speaker. Like most children in China today, I was always under the protection and love of my parents. Recalling the time when I was in China, I preferred to be an audience rather than a speaker. I didn't dare to stand on stage and was afraid that everyone will laugh at me if I made a minor mistake.

*I need to change. I need to venture outside my comfort bubble. During the short study-participated experience in Hillsboro High School, I have found my dream and value of life, the participation and enjoyment in the school life.

Only because the two different culture shape who I am today.* When again standing on stage, I became confident and present my project proficiently. Now I even enjoy the feeling to give a speech, instead of sitting there to be an audience. That's success, which I can never get if I choose only to be an audience. Furthermore, I own the courage and determination to choose my own unknown fate. Because I know, whatever life will be, I already have the ability to challenge myself, to conquer myself, to exceed myself.

plz give me opinions, I just could not think of any other ideas... I write some other essays but it seemed so bad...
thanks a lot:]

ghostmay101

Nov 26, 2009

Undergraduate / UC prompt#1 the unknown road [7]

thanks a lot, but i still think my essay is a little trite, like some people use this examples quite often and i'm also trying to write abnother one, but i just don't know what to write about

The nerve took over every thought and word.
i'm not sure what you mean by this. do you mean your nervousness? yes i'm nervous and i want to write about it in a different way... can you help me to correct it?

I realized that America needs leadership and innovation, not obedience and stereotype.
this seems a little harsh. i feel like you are unnecessarily criticizing "America". i also don't understand "stereotype" in this sentence

for this one i want to write about the americans dare to provide some new things or opinions to their teacher. i'm not critcizing america, it's just the difference between china and america. like what i did is more like listening to what the teacher says. actually i kind of praising them

and for the end of the essay
this is what i'm writing about
Because I know, whatever life will be, I already have the ability to challenge myself, to conquer myself, to exceed myself.
how is that?
and i'm going to try some other essays, this one doesn't look good. i'm so stressed out and don't know what to write about.

there's not many days left for UC. which UC schools are u applying to?
hope that you can give me some more opinions!
Best luck to you and to us!!!

ghostmay101

Nov 26, 2009

Undergraduate / UC essay #1: school and everything that comes along with it [5]

awesome essay! but some opionions here
The outside world is dog-eat-dog, they say.
i love this sentences!!!
It is absolutely necessary to prepare for that harsh reality after several secure years of high school. What is learned today will build the foundation for your life after high school.

not use your in the essay, because you're not referring to the admission officers. that's what my english teacher said in our journals. try to use he, or me

Pay attention and try hard, lectured by our well-learned sophomore Chemistry teacher. At least he was right about one thing when he said what we learn now will push us on through college and beyond. No one knew, though, how crucial those years at Gunn really were.

Every so often ,
i don't know what you mean by this
I come across a mom, possibly a friend of my parent's, and the question of the school I attend is brought up. The common response to my answer is a flurry of more questions about this most talked about school that all moms seem to know. I only give them short and concise answers for their inquiries: hard work, passion, high standards. These are the ~~characteristics~~(i would choose dogma instead of characteristic) of this stellar school that have taught me and classes of other students to deal with upcoming life.

Gunn has taught me the essence of hard work. To do well is not to blow past homework as a chore, but to do it with understanding and acceptance that it is created as a take-home quiz. Fantastic teachers, so devoted to their job of educating all who move, truly help their students by writing up stacks of brain-busting homework problems and mind-boggling tests. And, although I do admit staying up until two to finish homework and study is not all that exciting, it has taught me discipline. This preparation for more years to come of hopeless cramming has enabled me to accept work and its counterparts.

As for passion, Gunn is the beginning of the road to satisfying mine. A supportive school environment has allowed me to pick and choose my interests, such as science and my desire to understand why and how things work. Surrounded by friends and family who have cheered me on, I have raced from subject to subject, discovering my interests. Excellent teachers with well-planned curriculums have filled my curious mind with the teas of diverse information. A stable student body and intense teachings have made me a believer of developing passions early in life.

And, of course, there are the school's high standards. All Gunn nerds, as we are called by other schools, have come together to radiate ambition and motivation to all that enter through the pillars of our school. For me, I have learned from my fellow "over-achievers" to set high, yet attainable goals. And, thanks to Gunn, many students have had their "What do you want to be when you grow up?" question answered. We no longer want to be those street performers we see jumping out at people from behind bushes, or those pretty models in the window. Instead, to be an engineer, an entrepreneur, or a doctor, as I aspire to be, are common goals. Gunn and its students have set a bar, reachable yet a long ways up, and this has only prepared me for what life has in store for me.

what i think about your essay is kind like the others. you need more specific details and write about how it influence you more specificly. like you can write about one chemistry class. it changes me and what the teacher said and did and your classmates. how they changed you.

and for the uc prompt. i don't think you really need to totally write about school. you can write what the teacher said and how it influence you, i think it counts in the outside world.

so you should write more specifically to show the admission what exactly you want to convey.
good luck and enroll in UC！！！

ghostmay101

Nov 27, 2009

Undergraduate / UC prompt#1 the unknown road [7]

okay,thanks
i need also to change my topic a little because it's kind of common
and i want write more about how the difference between amrica and china actually bring me something
is there any suggestions of how i will lengthen it.
and i could add a little more since it's almost 500 words
thanks a lot!!!

ghostmay101

Nov 29, 2009

Undergraduate / UC 2:The Pictionary [NEW]

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

"A-A piece of, eh, let me guess, a piece of cake!" The old lady bursted out.
"Yes. Definitely correct!" I answered.
Sitting there, she giggled and did high-five with her friends. You may never imagine, that was a game called pictionary which I was doing my first service project in a nursing home. It's a game that the examiner get a little card with phrases and sentences on it, and he/she should draw some of the words to let them guess. Little did I do, but totally did I change.

At first, I thought I might have some difficulties of communicating because of their age and my lack of English words. But just after some interactions that we did, I find it was easy and joyful to play the unknown game. A sign of the dollar meant money, and forks and knifes meant meals. It's a game that needs to use the examiner's fantasy and the examinee's (audience's) perception and intelligence. Though I'm not good at drawing and made really weak reference, the grandmas are really good at the game and sometimes can guess from only one word in the whole sentence.

After a few draw-and-guess games, I fully loved the game and couldn't wait to my turn to do the pictionary, because after they got each phrases they would me with angelic smiles and upright thumbs. The happiness with them also lit up my heart, which made me feel satisfied and proud. I carefully looked as the other's drawing to improve mine to make sure they have better understanding. The grandmas are versed in the American idiom, like the sentence she is a peach means she is sweet and helpful. They patiently taught me the meaning of the idiom or slang, which introduced me a lot of American language culture. I also noticed that they would laugh when we made a funny picture. And they are so warmhearted that we became friends in thirty minutes.

The time flies through the happiest part. However, I found that there is no barrier of ethnic differences and gap in generation. I became more respectful to the elders and more receptive to the people I met.

It's not only a two-hour service project, but also a step towards maturiy and responsibility. I originally signed up for the project only for the good look on my resume to college. But after I experiencing it, it was totally different from what I thought-boring, time-waste and energy-waste, it's for the good of the community rather than my own self's benefits. I found that I'm not an egoist who ignores others' feeling any more. I know, continuing my life in college, that I will fulfill every project and will always be careful and joyful.

plz give me opinions ASAP, thx. The deadline for UC is only one day left!!!

ghostmay101

Dec 21, 2009

Undergraduate / NU- supplement why NU (a faculty to student ratio of 7 to 1) [6]

i think you should write less about what the northwestern university is like because i can see northwestern anywhere from your essay
do more relation between yourself and the college
how does yourself relate to the university, how can you fit in, how can this institution be so unique and fit for you, think about this, i think you can ace on your essays~~~