Undergraduate / UT@Austin Topic A: my sister, Helen [4]

instead of
'in the days following her leave'

it would sound better if you were to use 'in the days which followed'.

also, you shouldn't use 'older sister'. you should say 'elder sister'.

Undergraduate / "Never Give Up On Yourself" - My Common Essay (i think it is awkward) [10]

in the fourth paragraph, you start with describing how you fell in love with basketball. But you digress later into another incident, which is the main focus of the paragraph. I think you should start the paragraph with some mention of the incident.

Undergraduate / "Never Give Up On Yourself" - My Common Essay (i think it is awkward) [10]

is this the significant experience essay you wrote for the commonapp? if so, you mention more than one experience. I can see that the main point you're trying to make is in this sentence:

''After a roller coaster ride of ups and downs, I found that the unwavering approval I was looking for came from within.''

but you should try to focus on that point. your descriptions of the ups and downs quite overshadows the main point.

Also, ''I read a lot of books written by masters like Nietzsche, Dilthey, and Mencius. '' sounds incredible. you needn't add that to make your point about your inner transformation. instead try to analyze that transformation. try to describe what happened inside you.

I know how tough this significant experience essay is. I tried to write it for the commonapp. I too had a similar inner transformation. but the essay I wrote didn't make any sense; so I discarded it and began on another topic.

Writing Feedback / Why do you think people attend schools?; 'for learning lots of things' [3]

''...while others may put emphasis on whether they can learn something new or not''.

this part doesn't make sense. you might be trying to say

''... others may go to see if they can learn something or not''.

''I claim that people should go to college to learn things.''

'I claim' should not be used with 'should' here. you should either eliminate 'should' or use 'I think' for 'I claim'.

they essay is focused. but you can elaborate a bit on the 'learning new things' part. like you can say 'Even though we can study by ourselves, we can learn a lot from other people at college. The experience of a professor can guide us through a subject better than we can guide ourselves.'