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Posts by jacob5642
Joined: Dec 22, 2009
Last Post: Dec 22, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 6  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 7
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jacob5642   
Dec 22, 2009
Undergraduate / Dickinson students shall become globally engaged citizen leaders [5]

Dickinson College founder, statesman and physician Benjamin Rush wrote several essays on education for this new nation. Listed below are three of Rush's philosophies. Choose ONE and explain how that philosophy relates to your talents, goals and the reasons you chose to apply to Dickinson.

*Dickinson students shall become globally engaged citizen leaders.

"We will not rest until we reach a permanent agreement [with the Palestinians] that would secure a safe future for our children and that would provide us with renewed hope to live in a region where people lead a life of co-operation and not, God forbid, where blood is shed," said former Prime Minister and General, Yitzhak Rabin. Unfortunately, Rabin was assassinated before he was able to accomplish his goal; I willingly carry the weight of his task.

My determination, and Tikva: hope, for a peace between the warring nations of Israel and Palestine has been misunderstood for naiveté; however, after spending this past summer on Kibbutz Tzuba, and speaking with the people there and in the surrounding Arab villages, I see the reality of peace that Rabin did when shaking hands with Arafat.

I have taken all of the knowledge gained on Kibbutz Tzuba, and am now relaying it to a class of sophomores that I am teaching at my high school. The more educated rhetoric I can develop at Newton South, the closer we get to a unity in the Middle East.

Having emailed with Professor Ed Webb, the head of the Middle Eastern Studies department at Dickinson, I can see that our ideas of analytic education parallel, and that Dickinson's Middle Eastern Studies major, and Hebrew and Arabic minors serve as the proper venue for me to further develop my interest. With the help of Dickinson staff, and Dickinson's thriving study-abroad programs, I can make Rabin's image of a peaceful Israel a reality.
jacob5642   
Dec 22, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Essay: Fictional Character... Dreams Are My Nuts and Bolts!! [15]

1st. I loved that book.

4th paragraph, get rid of "things" and you can keep the allusions of your daydreams.

Is this about your dreams or The Alchemist? make this more clear from the beginning.

Instead of "performing drama" simply say acting!

If I hadn't read the book, I wouldn't know what you meant by your last sentence, "...Because now he knew where the treasure was."

Also, try to make it more clear HOW Santiago taught you to dream.

Don't fright through, it is your first draft, I had to write a thousand to find something I was only semi-happy with!
jacob5642   
Dec 22, 2009
Essays / Secondary School Report or Final Report?/ Preparing for Uni Entrance [4]

Get everything, different colleges and universities will omit and accept different things. It is best to give them as much as you can. In my opinion, better safe than sorry!

Please see my Dickinson Supplement Essay, I would really appreciate some feedback.
jacob5642   
Dec 22, 2009
Undergraduate / Listening or Speaking? - Common App essay [8]

I like the way you tie back to the "Listening: The Forgotten Skill" in your conclusion. But I agree with asth3nia about the debate.

Please read my Dickinson Supplement Essay. I would love some feedback.
jacob5642   
Dec 22, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App personal essay option#1-My Greatest Personal Failure--Feedback [18]

I don't feel like I get much of a sense of who you are after reading this. I understand you as a person much more from your other essay where you briefly mention your mother and that relationship.

Try bringing some more YOU into the piece and less technicality of the school system.
jacob5642   
Dec 22, 2009
Undergraduate / Something you pretend to hate but secretly like, or vice versa. [4]

No complaints. I know that's what people hate to hear on this website, but I think it is really well written.

Although, you may want to consider making it more direct that you won the chess match, even though it becomes quite clear.

Please take a look at my Dickinson Supplement Essay. I would really appreciate feedback.
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