Undergraduate / I am good at computer science; Carnegie Mellon- Why I chose CMU [10]

OK so this is what I have so far. CMU is the top school I'm applying to, and my grades are less than stellar when being considered for a school like this. This is basically my writing style, so I guess the personality can be seen from it. Any feedback on this would be tremendously apprectiated. Thanks to everyone in advance.

Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay.

After having just looked over my academic credentials, the admissions officers are probably wondering why someone like me is applying to Carnegie Mellon. It was around the beginning of senior year, when I walked into my AP Phoenix class. Mrs. Creelman had a challenge for us: each of us would apply to our dream schools, no matter what.

So here I am. Putting myself at the mercy of the admissions committee. I'll be the first to admit it, I'm not the perfect student; I'm not valedictorian, I'm not the varsity quarterback, and I don't have a perfect score on the SAT. However, the one thing I am good at, my drive and the one thing that all my future dreams and goals intercede with, is computer science. Computers are my passion, and every minute of every hour that I put into my computer has fueled that passion even more.

My love of computers stems from my childhood. The first computer I ever had ran on Windows 3.1x. The progression from having to type an entire command line to play a game of solitaire, to what technology is now, is unbelievable, and was only made possible by computer programmers. I can only hope that one day I will be responsible for not only reshaping technology, but also the world. Already able to program in C++, C#, Java, XNA, SQL, and HLSL, I'm more than ready to take my education to the next level.

What I expect from Carnegie Mellon U is simple: teach me. Mold my raw potential, dreams and goals into something tangible and viable. Continue where the (in my opinion) best high school computer science teacher, Mr. Bryan Baker, left off. I don't just think of Carnegie Mellon as the computer science school that everyone wants to get into. I view the institution as more of a medium in which the world will be able to understand me, and even help me to understand myself: through computer science. I sincerely believe that the School of Computer Science and the Carnegie Institute of Technology is the best way for me to delve deeper into computers then ever before.

If I were to be admitted into Carnegie Mellon, I would not stop until I made my family, my friends, and the school proud. All that you have seen here are words, written by an aspiring computer scientist. As Andrew Carnegie once said, "As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say, I just watch what they do." Give me a chance to show Carnegie Mellon what I can do. I am proud to say that I'm not the perfect student, because the moment you believe you have achieved perfection, is the moment you stop aspiring for it.

Undergraduate / Common App Essay - Who has Influenced You & Issue of Importance [3]

OK I have two essays, one on how I was influenced by someone, and another on an important issue to me. I'm trying to figure out which one to use on my common app. Any feedback would be appreciated so please, don't hold back the punches :)

-INFLUENTIAL PERSON ESSAY-

All of us, be it politicians, movie stars, athletes, or just regular every-day
people, were influenced by someone important sometime in our lives. What unites
all of us is the fact that some person is responsible for ultimately, who we
are today. The one person responsible for who I am, is my father.

My father, --------, is the epitome of a hardworker. Growing up in extreme
poverty in rural China, he went into the army to pay for college. Years later,
he graduated with a Ph.D in Biochemistry. A year after I was born in China, he
went to the United States to pave a new path and future for our family. Because
of him, we moved from a run-down apartment in Philadelphia, to an apartment in
Dallas, and finally to a house in Allen. The reason for all of this was to
benefit my education. When I would dissapoint him, he would constantly remind
me of why we had moved from China to the United States: Me.

During my childhood, my father was a sort of antagonistic hero. Unbelievably
strict and demanding, I had memorized my multiplication tables when I was 5,
was studying college-level vocabulary, and was on GRE-level mathematics before
I started grade school, all while my classmates in Dallas were struggling with
subtraction. He would make me turn off the lights and open the blinds so I
could read by sunlight. He would measure each product we bought and count exact
change. We never bought anything we didn't need. He was old school. These
values of common sense were passed onto me, as I find myself channeling my
father more than ever these days.

One thing my father loved to do in his spare time was play games. Some days, he
would come home from work with floppy disks of games for us to play. I remember
a certain day, August 21, 2001, my birthday. This was the day my father ever
violated the family commandment of "Thou shalt not buy what thou doesn't need."
He brought home not a computer, put parts of one. He looked at me and said, "If
you can put it together, it's yours." I later found out that the parts costed
over two thousand dollars. The times spent with my dad, killing aliens, or
troubleshooting the computer, were the happiest times of my life, and the
gateway to the career path I would inevitably walk down.

Now, my father lives in China, divorced from my mother, whom I live with. The
feelings I have about this are mixed, but I owe my childhood, my dreams, and my
future to the man who moved up from tending cows in China to a biochemist in a
suburban house in Allen, TX.

-ISSUE ESSAY-

As a child grows up, the most important people in their lives are their
parents. They seem like superheroes, they are invincible, and nothing will ever
happen to them. However, the day that child is told his parents can't deal with
each other, that the differences are too great, that they are getting a divorce
is the day his life crashes down. The day he stops seeing his parents as
heroes. The day he will never see anything the same again. The day he loses his
childhood.

February 16, 2003. My parents had been fighting non-stop for over two months,
but it was that single day that changed my life. First came my mom, "Song, your
father and I aren't going to be living together anymore, but this is in no way
your fault." Typical mom. Sugarcoating words, avoiding the D-word, and trying
to make me feel like nothing's wrong. Then my dad, "Son, your mother and I are
getting a divorce. I'm moving to Chicago." Typical dad. Blunt, to the point,
unemotional.

That was the day I realized that I had never seen them show any affection to
each other for the 11 years I had been alive. Their personalities were so
incompatible that there was no chance of them ever getting along. I had been
wrapped up in my elementary-school, adolescent world to ever notice. By my mom
saying I wasn't to blame, how could I not think that I was? Guilt overcame me.
I begged and pleaded with my parents that I would get better grades, do more
work around the house. Every time I tried to bargain with them, they would say,
"It's not your fault," and of course, I thought it was.

When bargaining didn't work, I plummeted into denial. When friends from our
church and family asked me what I thought and felt about the divorce, I
responded, "Their not getting a divorce, their just fighting. It'll blow over
soon." Oh how wrong I was. The day finally came when my dad moved out of the
house. That was the final blow. I couldn't deny it any more. They were getting
a divorce.

Since then, I have struggled. With life, with school, with friends. With no
male role model, I had to learn how to tie a tie and how to shave by learning
elsewhere. Somehow watching someone doing the windsor knot on Youtube just
isn't the same as your father teaching you. From then on, I was basically
living by myself. My dad was in China, and I lived with my mom, but she was in
such a state that she just stayed in the house all day, never talking. She
didn't get a job, as my father had left some money up till I graduated. Then
she planned on going back to China.

It was probably the realization that when my mom had gone to China, I would be
utterly alone in America. With the closest family I had being halfway across
the world, it was a horrible feeling. However, this sparked an inner resolution
that I would be independent. I would take care of myself, and one day, when I
had kids of my own, I vowed that what I had to go through would never happen to
them.

Although only 0.5% of couples in America get divorced annually, far more are
affected. The friends, the family, and ultimately the children. I feel that
going through a divorce is harder for the kids than it is for the parents. A
divorce rips away half of a child's life, leaving the other half bleeding and
confused. An entire generation of kids are growing up this way, with only one
parent. With only one half of what their life could have been.

Undergraduate / ""curiosity killed the cat" - Caltech Interest in Math,Science,Engineering Essay [NEW]

This is what I have so far, feedback would be greatly appreciated.

As a child, I heard the phrase, "curiosity killed the cat" quite a lot of times. Instead of just accepting it as the other children did, my thoughts were more along the lines of, "it's got nine lives, why not lose a life or two for being curious." This is the way I have approached life: taking risks and getting burned; rinse and repeat.

My dreams, goals, and ambitions, least of all my curiosities have presented themselves to me in a single subject: computer science. I have been working, playing, and learning with computers since I was 5. Ever since I drew a caterpillar on Windows 3.1x and then broke the computer the next day with an upside down floppy-disk, computers have been the epicenter of my passion and drive.

I have progressed through my love of computers. From drawing caterpillars in grade school, to learning MS Office applications in middle school, to programming in C#, C++, Java, etc. in high school, I feel that my journey is not yet over. There is much more out there that I have not learned, and it would be the greatest honor for me if Caltech was the next stepping stone. Through computer science, I don't aim for riches or glory, but knowledge.

Some people sleepwalk, I sleep-program. There are times at night when I wake up with an idea or inspiration, and I lumber over to the computer and write a few lines of code, then go back to sleep. Some people may suggest psychological help with this, but I view it as a way of my subconscious expressing itself, as I can see myself in every program I create, every line of code I write. I put my best work and effort into computer science, hoping that one day I can do for computer science what it has done for me.

Now, I am still learning; I still make mistakes and am far from perfect. I am proud to say that I'm not perfect, because the moment you believe you have achieved perfection, is the moment you stop aspiring for it. Now, if I hear "curiosity killed the cat," I can smugly reply, "satisfaction brought it back."