Undergraduate / Tufts Supplement-what voice will you add to the Class of 2014 [5]

I really enjoyed reading these essays. They provided a window into your life, and they showed your ability to express your life experiences on paper. It's probably too late for you to make any corrections, but I just wanted to let you know what I thought.

Good luck with your college search.

Poetry / Tufts Optional essay - poem about being green [6]

Fantastic. Concise, clever, interesting. It has a wonderful speed to it and its message is creative but clear to the reader.

Good luck in your college search!

Undergraduate / Tufts Supplement: Many forms of self expression - contributing to the Class of 2014 [7]

I honestly do not think that you need to address the question directly. THIS is your voice that you will add to Tufts; to spell it out to them would degrade your writing and transform this portrait of self-expression into merely another college essay.

Its engaging, interesting, and unique.

Undergraduate / "a member of the Jazz Club" - University of Michigan - diversity short answer [6]

Only intended to learn it- Learn what?
Vice- Chairperson of what?

I think that you need to be more focused in your thought. You dip in and out of several issues that are obviously important to you, but you do not delve into ONE of them. We are getting a wide, but blurred image of you are trying to say instead of a focused, clear one. We want to know the Whys, not only the Whats of the experience your are trying to convey.

Undergraduate / "a member of the Jazz Club" - University of Michigan - diversity short answer [6]

I think that your relevance is fine once you narrow your focus.

I can't necessarily pin-point exactly how to narrow it down, but I think that you should read the essay, categorize every point you make, choose a category and focus on that alone. If you think that the other categories have some relevance, you can work them in, but make sure that you are focused.

Grammar, Usage / Kevin has a question... What is an essay? [22]

Essay is "I say."

Kev- mind looking at my essays? I would really appreciate it.

Undergraduate / UChicago "In chinese, crisis is composed of two characters, danger/opportunity" [9]

Fantastic writing and the formality is perfect for UChicago ("where fun goes to die"). It is honest and persuasive, and the prompt is excellent. It reflects both your past experiences and your present state of mind.

I'm transferring as well, let me know what you think of my essay!
Good luck!

Poetry / 6,142 Feet - a poem of less than 8 lines that "best represents me" [9]

"So close and yet so far away" is a cliche. You need to show more than tell. You're on the right track, but I would use a different metaphor.

Scholarship / Ikea beds = hell (a time when you did something good alone) [3]

I would change the syntax of some of your sentences, so they do not always start with "I did so and so." I like your message a lot, but it would be more interesting with different sentence beginnings. Also, don't start your last two sentences both with "Even though."

Undergraduate / my mother - Some who has made an impact on my life [3]

So beautifully honest. I really liked it.

I would just end with a stronger closing sentence, though that may just be me.

Undergraduate / "a long history and a reputation",DePaul University Admission Commitee Statement [3]

I think that you need to be more focused. You give a bunch of reasons as to why you want to go there, but we want to know why you have those reasons. What is it about YOU that attracts you to this school? Don't just stroke the school's ego- they do that enough themselves- but actually tell them what makes YOU attracted to it.

Also, the ending has to be stronger than those 3 sentences. It should be relevant, sharp, and it should leave the reader thinking.

I think you have a good start to this essay. The length should work itself out if you focus on deepening and developing those reasons why you want to go that you have merely listed here.

Good luck!