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Tufts Supplement-what voice will you add to the Class of 2014


yf8651 16 / 31  
Dec 11, 2009   #1
Hello, everyone, here are three essays for Tufts.
Please express your feeling about them and proof read them.
Any comment and critique is greatly appreciated.

1.Self-identity and personal expression take many forms. For example, music, clothing, politics, extracurricular interests, and ethnicity can each be a defining attribute. Use the richness of your life to give us insight: what voice will you add to the Class of 2014? (200 words)

I love to cook traditional Chinese food. Since elementary school I began to cook dinner for myself because my parents worked late until 7:00 p.m. and they could not prepare food for me before dinner time. Several years later, no longer making the instant noodles or simple cold dishes that could only appease my hunger; I was able to prepare several dishes for the whole family.

Cooking gives me ample opportunities to explore the depth of Chinese culinary art, which emphasizes the perfect combinations of color, smell and taste. I try to create new dishes such as Eggplant and Egg because turning something imaginative in my mind into reality always enchants me. The cooking pleasure comes mostly from my grandmother's kitchen. My grandma still cooks using the traditional Chinese cauldron, three feet in diameter, which can hold food for the whole big family. Usually at her kitchen, I set the wood on fire on the stove and enjoy the picture of fire bouncing happily under the cauldron. After a while, cooking oil begins sputtering in the pot and the sound of oil mixes with the crackle of firewood, making a euphonious symphony. Then, I put the freshly picked vegetables into the wok before a big cloud of steam, fixed with fragrance, arises and fans my face. Such magical experience always brings me into my paradise, where everything is unimportant but cooking.

For the past 18 years, I have already laid a good foundation of Chinese culinary art; I hope to explore cuisines of different cultures in international Tufts University, where I am able to interact with diverse student bodies and to bring my rich cooking skills to the whole Tufts community.

2.Describe the environment in which you were raised--your family, home, neighborhood or community--and how it influenced the person you are today.(200 words)

Village born and village bred, I have special affections for farmland, sheep and irrigation canals. Except my parent, nearly every other members of my big family make a living by cultivating land in typical Chinese hamlets, with no public facilities and descent buildings but paddies and shabby houses. The farming experience, though hard, shaped my habits and had a positive impact on me.

Since I was young at around ten years old, I had helped my relatives farming in weekends or holidays. Although I was alarmed at the disgusting leeches in the paddy field at first, I took courage to help with farm work after realizing that even my younger cousins worked in the paddy. They were indeed "professional" in farming as they often helped their parents with farm works. Influenced by their good performances, I was not self-satisfied about my small accomplishment and tried to finish my job better.

Though I am studying outside my previous village now, I am sure the experiences of that period will be imprinted on my mind forever. Rural life has turned me into a brave and independent man. What is more, I have got the habit of challenging myself and being better.

3.People face challenges every day. Some make decisions that force them beyond their comfort levels. Maybe you have a political, social, or cultural viewpoint that is not shared by the rest of your school, family, or community. Did you find the courage to create a better opportunity for yourself or others? Were you able to find the voice to stand up for something you passionately supported? How did you persevere when the odds were against you?

Two hours, few ties were sold. Suffering from inexorable sunburn of Shanghai in July, three of us had been peddling hoarse. A member complained, "I cannot bear the organizers of Business Challenge of Fudan University Model United Nations. How can they arrange three of out nine competition teams in such a small public square? It makes selling these bizarre ties even harder."

"How about cooperate with them?" I blurted as pointing those two teams wandering over there. "It is absurd. You are taking risk!" my two teammates opposed immediately, "We are taking part in the competition, not the mutual aid game." Believing my view to be right, I replied, "I discovered that people who showed not interests to ties of one team were soon approached by other teams. As all our ties are the same, from the organizing committee, other teams cannot win those show-no-interests people easily, making such actions the waste of time and energy. Cooperation is beneficial for all three teams as it will expand the team scale and selling efficiency." Impressed by my logic, the other two members showed their interests and supports. We got to the other two teams and expressed out sincerity. Before long, a super team came into being.

Our three-people "irregular army" involved into nine-people "regular army" with collective ties, intelligence and clearly defined labor. Because of adequate hands, we were able to carry out our sell more easily. Using a long-narrow no drawer table borrowed from a nearby shop, we set up our "stronghold" at one corner of the square. Our big "squad" soon attracted people's attentions and the dealing carried on unexpectedly smoothly. Within an hour and a half, we sold all the thirty seven ties. At last, we three teams were tied for first place among all the nine teams.

I was proud of that cooperation, which saved three disadvantaged teams.

These three essays are time-cunsuming to finish reading. Appreciate your time and comment.

IntlIndian /  
Dec 12, 2009   #2
I love to cook traditional Chinese food. Since elementary school I began have to cookED dinner for myself because my parents worked late until 7:00 p.m. and they could not prepare dinner for me . Several years later, no longer making the instant noodles or simple cold dishes that could only appease my hunger; I was able to prepare several dishes for the whole family.

Village born and village bred, I have special affections for farmland, sheep and irrigation canals. Except my parentS, nearly every other members of my big family make a living by cultivating land in typical Chinese hamlets, with no public facilities and descen t DECENT buildings but paddies and shabby houses. The farming experience, though hard, shaped my habits and had a positive impact on me.

How about cooperate with them?" I blurted as pointing those two teams wandering over there. "It is absurd. You are a taking risk!" my two teammates opposed immediately, "We are taking part in the competition, not the mutual aid game." Believing my view to be right, I replied,
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Dec 13, 2009   #3
Since elementary school, I have been cookin g dinner for myself, because my parents worked late until 7:00 p.m. and they could not prepare food for me before dinner time. Several years later, no longer making the instant noodles or simple cold dishes that could only appease my own hunger, I became able to prepare several dishes for the whole family.

Below, I will make a suggestion, even though the way you wrote it was already correct:
Such magical experience always brings me into my paradise, where everything is unimportant except for cooking.

Nice job! I think this is an essay that gives the reader a positive feeling about you and your great personality.
krazzikittie 8 / 23  
Dec 22, 2009   #4
I love to cook traditional Chinese food. Since elementary school I began to cook dinner for myself because my parents worked late until 7:00 p.m. and they could not prepare food for me before dinner time. Several years later, no longer making the instant noodles or simple cold dishes that could only appease my hunger; I was able to prepare several dishes for the whole family.

the last sentence could be revise to: after several years, i realized that making instant noodles or simple cold dishes could no longer appease my hunger; therefore i began to prepare several dishes for the whole family.

i changed it because i thought that the way you put it originally, there isn't really a connection between the two clauses. also, the use of passive voice is unnecessary.

just a suggestion. =)
NTabachnik - / 11  
Jan 16, 2010   #5
I really enjoyed reading these essays. They provided a window into your life, and they showed your ability to express your life experiences on paper. It's probably too late for you to make any corrections, but I just wanted to let you know what I thought.

Good luck with your college search.


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