Writing Feedback / My Assignment: My New Year's Resolutions (200 words) [4]

I'm just a beginner and I'm bad at writing.
Please point my errors out to me! Thank you very much!

Assignment's prompts: My Resolution for the new year. (150-200 words)

Time flies so fast and Chinese's New Year is coming around the corner. And it's time for me to write down my new year's resolutions. This year I will...

First of all, I will have to study harder and harder to get better scores in my class. I didn't do well in my first midterm so studying harder to get better scores is my first priority in 2010.

Secondly, I will invest more time and money to improve my English skills especially speaking and writing skills to be able to earn a high mark on the TOEFL test.

Thirdly, I will read more books to widen my knowledge. This year I will read more about self-improvement, Computer and history books.

Besides, I will spend more time with my younger brother. My younger brother is no longer a little kid and he needs more help from his older brother. I'll spend more time talking with him, more time playing with him and more time teaching him how to solve problems in his life.

In conclusion, there are too many things which are not written here I want to achieve in this year. Overall, in 2010 I will open my heart, take more action to become a doer not just a dreamer.

By the way, I wish you and your family a year of happy , healthy and wealthy!

Writing Feedback / A large factory near your community - do you support or oppose? [3]

It is my first attempt at IELTS writing task 2. Please help by pointing out my errors and giving comments. You can grade my essay on the scale of 9 if you like!

Topic:
A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.

My essay
By offering more job opportunities to people, new factories might bring many good things to a community. However, a large factory constructed near my hometown would be a "disaster" in many aspects. In a long term, It would bring more health and social problems to city-dweller. For those two reasons, I totally oppose the plan to build a factory near my community.

First of all, a large factory would devastate the environment in my city by making noise and pollution. Habitat will suffer from many potential health problems by breathing impure air, drinking polluted water, and eating contaminated food which are caused by toxic substances produced by factories. Besides, many people are not aware of noise pollution which is another serious problem. This kind of pollution would not affect our physical but our mental health. People would often get headache and easy to lose their temper which would bring our happy and stable life away.

Second, the new large factory would change many traditional values of my city by bringing an immigration wave. My city, a small, quiet, beautiful, and unpopulated town, is an ideal place to live for the old, and an interesting place to studying for the young. It would be a shame that there are more exotic people coming to our city and take the peace atmosphere of the city away. Increasing in the city population also leads to many social problems such as hooliganism and vandalism.

A factory would be helpful in some ways. However, the benefits of having a factory are outweighed by the risks. That is why I cannot support a plan to build a factory here.

(273 words)