Undergraduate / 'Green Team and Amnesty International' -Talent, experience, contribution - essay help [3]

Q: Tell us about a talent, experience, contribution or personal quality you will bring to the University of California.

He was looking into my eyes, kindly saying, "Right now, it looks like you'll be on JV. But if you tighten up your long kicks and improve your stamina I might bump you up to Varsity."

I nodded, attempting to control of my face. *Don't grimace, smile.* I said, "Ok." As I returned to the field, the word "might" rang in my ears. *I'm a senior. I should be on Varsity.* Embarrassed, I smiled ruefully when I turned to my friends and shrugged, "I made JV," like I didn't care.

How could this be? How could I, Veronica, who had just joined the clubs Green Team and Amnesty International, despite even my closest friends' derision, feel ashamed? How could I, who just the other day opted to miss the party of the year to write this very essay, care if others thought me uncool?

Then I was passed the ball, and I my insecurities were replaced with my signature searing calf cramps and exhilaration when I made a solid pass. Panting, I remembered why I play soccer, why I stay up on current events, and why I do well in school: for the love of the game.

P.S.: I was planning to italicize the words in between the *...but should I?
Any opinions are welcome. But if you can I have a few specific concerns:
Can you tell what personal quality I'm trying to illustrate? (I'm trying to show that I'm unconcerned as to what is "cool" and that everything I do is because I genuinely enjoy it.)

Can I even "contribute" those qualities?
Are my paragraph spilts ok?
Is it clear my coach is talking to me?
Is it clear that I'm even playing soccer?
Thank you so much. Sorry I have so many questions, I'm just really stressed. :)

Undergraduate / World Affairs Challenge; UC -'A difficult academic endeavor' [5]

hi again! Well here's my #1 UC Essay...I don't really like it but considering I don't much time I have I guess it'll have to do, so any suggestions are all the more welcome.

PS: It's not really finished so ignore the fact that it's too short...unless you have any suggestions on what I should add as I'm kind out braindead at this point

"We're entering the World Affairs Challenge!" announced my teacher gleefully to a class of 30 blank faces. Undeterred, my teacher continued, "The World Affairs Challenge is a competition in which students research a specific global issue and present its solution in a creative form to a team of judges. This years issue is global energy."

And so it began. Split into groups of six, my sophomore world history class relentlessly prepared for three months. As a team, we read the newspapers, watched the news, and were regulars at the library. We learned about Brazil's depleting Amazon and it's essential "carbon sink," India's rolling blackouts, and the worlds melting ice caps. We discussed the availability and efficiency of solar, wind, geothermal, and hydroelectric power. We conducted fierce debates in which no one's opinion went unchallenged or unappreciated. As the six of us began to write a script, we repeated almost the same process. Again we compiled our information, debated over creative concepts, delegated prop and costume production, and set rehearsal times. Finally, with our costumes on, lines memorized, and knees shaking, we ready. We performed our skit, once, twice, three times. Relieved, we cleaned up our set waited for our scores.

"And it's a tie for the Best Overall Team! Mercy High School and---" the speakers voice was drowned out by our triumphant screams of glee. I know, not very modest, but what can I say? We were excited. And amidst pattings on the back, appreciative feet stomping, cameras flashing, (I'm not joking) and the continuing screams of our fellow Mercy girls, the six of us stumbled onto stage and were handed the first place prize--- a Nuevo Latino CD. Weird right? But, we were ecstatic nonetheless.

This project is probably the most comprehensive, in-depth, and difficult academic endeavor I have encountered. Needless to say, it has had a tremendous impact on the way I have conducted my studies and my life afterwards. My grades, no matter how good, do not adequately illustrate the way I learned to painstakingly peruse information and steadily discern what to copy down onto my notes. My academic achievements do not reveal that when I now come across an unknown word, whether it be in Othello or in a Newsweek article, I look it up. My honor role status cannot communicate how I never hesitate to ask a question, whether I am in Biology class requesting a recap on the tertiary structure of proteins or in a debate with one my friends on the conflicting messages in the Biblical tale of Sodom and Gomorrah. Every week I still judiciously read Newsweek, the SF Chronicle, and Rolling Stone. And with the help of Tivo, I regularly manage to catch The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Countdown with Keith Olberman, and Real Time with Bill Maher.

Through this project I discovered the importance of diligence, thoroughness and political awareness. I have acquired the arts of debate and cooperation, of researching and editing, and of confidence. Needless to say, I still have that CD.

Thank you