Undergraduate / Princeton Supplement, Short Answer: Past 2 Summers [11]

I think your essays definitely have the write direction in terms of what you want to get across.

The only major form of improvement that I can see is the use of "I". Personally speaking, there are too many "I"s and your sentences seem to get a little redundant. I am relatively new at critiquing other people's essays, so please correct me if you feel otherwise.

Undergraduate / Princeton Supplement, Short Answer: Past 2 Summers [11]

I find that your use of "I"s detracts my attention from what you are trying to get across. You can see it in your first paragraph, to be honest. Almost all your sentences start with "I".

This might just be a personal taste but I really think that small changes are required to improve the whole flow of your essay. I'll give you an example. Here are two sentences that you have written:

" I remember reading 'Wine for Dummies' and being fascinated by the culture behind the wine-making process. I found it quite remarkable how the practice was a delicate balance between science and art."

This is how it would better suit my style (I would really like other people to comment on this because this may just be a matter of my taste and I don't want to affect your essay in a negative way, though you are competing with me for a spot at Princeton ;)):

" I remember reading 'Wine for Dummies' and being fascinated by the culture behind the wine-making process. Delicate balance between science and art was at the core of the practice. Indeed, a mesmerizing method."

Undergraduate / Listening to classical music: something I do for the pleasure of it (short answer) [9]

I think the ending is too blunt.. you bring out a lot of imagery but the ending doesn't seem to flow, in my opinion.

Personally, I think vastly detailed text in a short answer is not a good idea and very difficult to do well. You can make a couple of changes to the ending to make it better if you want to take the risk.

Keep in mind that you can portray a very vivid image in the mind of your reader without having to use large words - as admissions officers say, that is what the SAT verbal section is for.

This is all just my opinion, by the way.

Undergraduate / "I am a performing Carmen" - Common Application Short Answer Response [3]

I would suggest avoiding the creative writing for the short answer. There are ample opportunities to display your creativity in the CommonApp main essay as well as the supplements for the universities you are applying to.

You also have a very small word count so creative language will only harm you in that respect.

I would recommend that you spend 30 words, say, describing the activity. Then another 20 words explaining what you did in the activity. Another 50 words could then be used to describe, how you made an impact, what your responsibilities were, what you learnt from the activity etc. Finally the last 50 words could be used to explain how you plan to develop anything that you learnt from the activity at the university and how the university can help you in that particular aspect.