I think the ending is too blunt.. you bring out a lot of imagery but the ending doesn't seem to flow, in my opinion.
I agree. The preceding text is too descriptive to end do abruptly. Write a more deserving conclusion. Perhaps something along the lines of: Classical music so intensely evokes feelings of inspiration and gratification in me that I regard it as the ultimate form of indulgence. Just a suggestion.
Personally, I think vastly detailed text in a short answer is not a good idea and very difficult to do well. You can make a couple of changes to the ending to make it better if you want to take the risk.
Keep in mind that you can portray a very vivid image in the mind of your reader without having to use large words - as admissions officers say, that is what the SAT verbal section is for.
I think for this short answer in particular, the passion he has demonstrated in the response is very appropriate. It shows that he is not merely writing an answer that the adcomm expects but rather that he is totally passionate about the subject matter. I think it is an excellent response.
As concerns the complexity of his lexicon (lol!! i did that just to spite you :D), i don't think it really matters as long as it sounds authentic and reads naturally (as his does). It is discouraged when people simple use the thesaurus on every other world in a bid to sound intelligent but instead it results in text that sounds disjointed, or worse, they use synonyms that are ambiguous.
I say keep the text, loose the conclusion and write a more appropriate thesis statement. :)
Sidebar: On top of competing with me for a spot in Stanford, you are also competing with me for 1 in MIT???? I do not like you. :)