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Posts by mylittlegoni
Joined: Sep 22, 2010
Last Post: Dec 15, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 11  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 14
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mylittlegoni   
Sep 22, 2010
Scholarship / 'high achieving students from low income families' - short answer response [2]

This is for a scholarship for 'high achieving students from low income families'.
This scholarship is very important to me, and i have been working very hard on these answers.
Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated and taken into consideration.
Thanks!!

1.What are your career goals and how did you develop them? (50 word limit)
I aspire to pursue a career in science and mathematics. I have a great passion for mathematics and am two years ahead of my grade level. More then anything in the world I wish to live life to its full potential by continuously building my knowledge, and challenging myself intellectually.

2.Describe which single activity/interest represents your most meaningful commitment and why? (50 word limit)
I have a strong commitment to my circus training, up to 25 hours a week. Circus gives me a good physical workout as well as a great opportunity to perform. Furthermore, I do a lot of community service through circus; I commonly perform for non-profit organizations, charities, fundraisers, and schools.

3.To what use have you put your earnings (for example, paying for food, bills, personal expenses, saving for college)? (50 word limit)
Performing in circus professionally means that I get paid to perform in many events; however, my earnings go to my family as a whole. By allowing me to train and perform, giving my earnings to the family as a whole is the least I can do to show my gratitude.

4.Please describe any special circumstances concerning your household income that you would like to have taken into account when your application is reviewed. (50 word limit)

Due to the fact that there are 8 people in my household and my father is the only provider, my parents are not able to help me with anything financially beyond the basic academics. As the oldest child I have had to sacrifice many financial aspects for my siblings.

5.If there are any extenuating circumstances, or details regarding your academic performance that you would like to add or clarify, please do so here. (50 word limit)

When looking at my academic performance it is important that you remember the fact that English is my second language and that I have struggles with dyslexia my entire life. I am proud of my academic performance because I work hard to get my grades to where they are.
mylittlegoni   
Sep 23, 2010
Undergraduate / The Horizon: I need help on how to improve my UC personal statement prompt #1 [2]

"I never felt I could go this far in life"
'this far is very vague, try and be more specific, what achievement is it that you are talking about?

"I faced many hardships throughout my life and sometimes it is hard to stay strong when nothing goes right and everything goes wrong ."

this is a great sentence, it shows that you are very strong, the end is a bit redundant though

"...a person who would leave the world satisfied with life."

"In America, my parents encountered many difficulties My parents not being educated due to their lack of education.F rom a young age..."

"three bedroom apartment for the ten of us."
this is a very strong point, and good to state, however, it might also be helpful to mention that you came from a big family earlier in the essay as well.

"I remember last few summer years"
This should be rephrased

This is a good essay, it shows how strong you are, however until the very last sentence or so you never mention one good thing about your life, try adding something that is a bit happier to it. maybe your love for your family, or relation to your siblings.

I too am an immigrant and can relate to a lot of what you said.
i hope this helps,
Good Luck!
mylittlegoni   
Sep 23, 2010
Scholarship / About "Parents" - Biographical Scholarship Essay (life challenges) [9]

"gently crying in a room by herself quietly "

"I would sneak in, and begin hugging her extra tight so she would stop crying"
this sentence is very heartbreaking, and provides a very strong image.

"I grew up thinking that your 'parents' were supposed to live separately, that the 'normal' thing to do was spend weekends bouncing between the two houses."

try not to use the word 'thing', in this case you can easily replace it with 'lifestyle'

"It wasn't until I was eight when I saw a change"
... in?
this isn't a complete sentence

"I watched my father who had disciplined me my whole life to be independent, slowly dissolve into someone who was dependent on me."

very good sentence

this is great!
you have some great writing and very strong images.
keep working on it!
Good Luck!
mylittlegoni   
Sep 23, 2010
Undergraduate / "I am addicted to music" - Application Essay to University of Michigan [6]

" My name is <CENSORED>, and I am addicted to music."

Just about everyone who I spend my time with is into music in some way
it wouldn't hurt to rephrase this

The funny thing about it is that despite all of the time I've sunk into it, we haven't really done anything.
anything? can you be more specific?
change that to something saying that you haven't been able to perform much, the sentence as it is right now is a bit unclear


I make music for the sake of making music, not for money or recognition. <- great, show true passion; wonderful sentence

when someone else tells you how cool that one part was

well, i hope this helps,
Good Luck

mylittlegoni   
Sep 23, 2010
Student Talk / SAT Site, a website for getting exams and books for free? [14]

go to your public library!!
there are hundreds of SAT practice tests, and review books,
you can check them out as many times as you want! you have a big variety! and you dont have to pay a dime!

they also have AP review books, i saved a lot by just using what was free and right in front of me ;P
mylittlegoni   
Sep 23, 2010
Student Talk / SAT Site, a website for getting exams and books for free? [14]

these will be very helpful!! :)
Number2
testprepreview.com/sat_practice.htm
powerprep
graduatewriter.com
customwritten.com
freesat1prep
education.yahoo.com/college/essentials/practice_tests
mylittlegoni   
Sep 23, 2010
Letters / How to write a good recomendation letter? (MS Program) [19]

i found that many of my teachers are very lazy
and of course nobody like to write letter of recommendation
so, in some-cases i was asked by my teachers to write them a 'first draft' of the letter
and when asking teachers for LOR's i offer to do so too...
basically, they have everything that i want them to mention, and it only takes them a few minutes to change it, and add/ take away any parts they want.

a lot of them are even too lazy to edit the 'first draft' i give them.

this is nice because i have letters of recommendation that are great, and mention all the facts i want them too, even from teachers who are too lazy to write them
mylittlegoni   
Nov 9, 2010
Student Talk / Spring Vs. Fall admittance...? [7]

I am considering taking a semester off and then applying as an undergraduate for the spring semester, but sadly it seems very hard to find information about the spring admittance/ application process

I have a list of questions, and am having a very hard time figuring out if spring semester is a possibility worth looking into

-does it have any effect of your chances of getting accepted to the university?
-do all colleges offer a spring admittance? if not, which ones do?
-is spring admittance available only for transfer students? or undergraduates too?
- and will this have any effect on my likelihood of getting financial aid?


thank you so much for your help in advance :)
mylittlegoni   
Nov 11, 2010
Undergraduate / "Proprietary software, roommate, research" - All Stanford's supplimentary essays [5]

Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

they are asking for one of two things... I would, in this case, open by stating which one you are talking about. I began readying your essay expecting it to be an experience

Proprietary software should be completely eradicated and replaced entirely with open source software. I have always wondered why I had to pay for some simple softwares while others of the same caliber or better, were a download away. Open source by definition is, "a development method for software that harnesses the power of distributed peer review and transparency of process." It is software that is available for others to study, change, and improve...

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

Like many other freshmen my greatest fear is to get a roommate that I won't like. Luckily, you wont have that problem! I believe in a verse from the bible that says, "theres time for everything". As a kid I thought I was a superhero, and that the important heroic attribute I had, was balance. This is because I tried hard at everything, I tried hard at school, and tried even harder at games.

<- a bit counter intuitive... if you put most your efforts into games i assume you didn't exactly put give school your absolute best efforts...

you might want to rephrase that...

I vow to make your once in a lifetime college experience exhilarating!
- very cute! that sentence really makes you standout

Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you.
Being Ghanaian, I based my University research a lot on climate
-i don't know if this is the best/ most convincing way to explain why you chose that university over thousands of others... That seems like the complete opposite of what they want to hear

hope this helps :)
GOOD LUCK!
mylittlegoni   
Nov 12, 2010
Undergraduate / Is it OK to write about failures and changes? - UC (Listen to Silence) [6]

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you . What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are ?

If you are writing about and event that you considered a failure, but taught you an important life lesson/ changed you for the better, then yes

just make sure it makes you stand out for the better
if you simply write about faliures you probobly won't make the type of impression you would like to.
However, a person that can overcome and learn from thaugh situations shows a very amiable quailty

hope this helps :)
good luck!
mylittlegoni   
Dec 14, 2010
Undergraduate / "My love for circus" - your extracurricular activities or work experiences [2]

This is for the common application,
this essay should be 150 words or less
i am stuck at the 300's and really need help cutting it down,
any writing tips or comments/corrections will also be greatly appreciated
Thanks in advance :)

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences

Outside of school I have a strong commitment to my circus training, in fact, I have been preforming professionally since the age of fifteen. Circus gives me a great opportunity to perform, and allows me to do what I never would have been able to otherwise. Through circus I can swing and climb doing amazing things at great heights in the air. I hang by my neck, do crazy flexibility tricks, balance on the top of a 20 feet high pole while doing a hand stand, tumble, and climbing on silks hanging from the sealing doing drops in which I end up with my head but a few inches from the ground.

My circus teacher, 85 year old, ____________ is a seventh generation circus performer who grew up in a traveling circus, and was one of the top and most skilled circus performers in the world. There are very few people who possess as much knowledge about circus as him. Because of that, _______ would work only with the people he picks himself, ones that 'deemed fit', showing enough passion and determination for him to put time and effort into; 'the best of the best'. It took nearly a year and a half of training until Pietro noticed me, with another half a year for him to decide to train me.

I have done many shows with performers from Ringling Brothers and Cirque de Soleil (the world's top circuses). Circus gives me a great physical workout and teaches responsibility and discipline.

In circus I am responsible for my safety as well as for that of the others around me, when you are so high in the air you can't allow yourself to be careless, even for a moment. Further then just being a 'professional performer', the acts I do are exceptionally rare due to their extreme difficulty, which is even more impressive considering my young age.

My brother and I do an act called 'hanging perch', something very few people can do, and most performers have never even seen before; and for a good reason, this act is extremely painful and difficult. In example, at one point of the act I am hanging in the air, spinning by my neck, off of my brother's neck, who is hanging upside-down by his foot. Things like this are hard to put into words, but worth every minute. There is nothing more freeing than being in the air.

does it flow well? and sound as impressive as i hope?
how do I cut it down??

mylittlegoni   
Dec 15, 2010
Student Talk / Spring Vs. Fall admittance...? [7]

hey,
sorry it took me so long to replay
I am a permanent resident of the US
and am applying as an undergraduate

the colleges i have in mind (or my dream colleges) are places like Brandeis, Brown, Caltech, MIT, Cornell, Duke, Rice, UC Berkeley, Mills college, and Stanford

I feel that if I were to take a semester off, i would be able to bring up my SAT scores incredibly,
and revise my essays, greatly improving my college applications, and likelyhood of acceptance
I am hoping to be able to get into a prestigious university
but i dont know which, if any of them, offer spring semester enrollment
and if taking a semester off would be worth it

thanks for your help
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