Undergraduate / "The loss of a loved one" - Term Paper Overcoming a challenge [3]

My prompt for the essay is overcoming a challenge or event in your life that changed your perspective on life. I choose my gf passing away.

The loss of a loved one will leave you feeling empty inside. As if the world will never be the same again and nothing will ever be able to heal your pain. But the fact of the matter is that time heals all wounds and the world keeps on going as if nothing happened. When I first lost my girlfriend Jackie, the last thing I wanted to hear from anyone was that it would get better as time went on. During the service, people gravitated to me slowly to check how I was doing and give me advice on how to endure. Everyone approached me one by one as if they had all pulled a number already to speak with me and were merely just waiting their turn. All I could do was bob my head back and forth in an attempt to appease them so they would just leave me alone. My mind was wrapped around the whole disastrous night where my one mistake cost me someone I loved. Jackie and I grew up together in fifth ward, which is about as poor as it gets in Houston. When I was around ten years old my family had enough money to move away from poverty but Jackie could never make it out. Her father was an alcoholic and an addict who would sometimes go on random rampages throughout his home and mercilessly beat his family. I found all out this out nine years down the road when Jackie and I had developed our friendship into the next stage. I would always try to be around her home as much as possible because I wanted to protect her and her sister from their father, who hadn't changed one bit. Her father never acted up when I was around the house. When I wasn't around I took the precaution of adding locks to the girls' rooms, so he couldn't harm them if he felt like going on a rant. As our relationship grew, I began to slack in my constant duties of protection because nothing had ever stirred up trouble. One night, I decided to take her out to dinner at this nice Italian restaurant and to a carriage ride through downtown. After the date was over, I drove her up to her house and began to reach for my door so I could walk her inside to her bedroom. But she wouldn't allow me to do anymore for her and pleaded with me to just stay in the car this one time. She was just trying to make it easier on me and repeating that everything was going to be okay. I was just too tired to even try to argue with her and she looked very determined. We both said good night to each other and I watched her walk in through her front door. At this moment, I felt that my night had just gone perfect and now it was time to go home. As I drove down her street, I began hearing an odd buzzing sound coming from below me.

Writing Feedback / Compare/Contrast Family Dynamics [3]

The topic of the essay is to Compare your Family Dynamics with the Dynamics of one of the characters in the three short stories we read. The one I choose is called The Girl Next Door, which in brief is about a mother and her nine year old daughter living in poverty. The mother completely neglects her child and works as a bar tender from the hours of 4pm til 3am, during these hours the child is alone.

Essay: 1490 Words

"Family dynamics is the term used for the way that families communicate and exist together. Every family has a distinct pattern of relating to one another, which can be positive or negative. (Rachel Olivia)." The dynamic is often influenced by certain aspects such as structure, dysfunction, and roles played by each member of the family. Therefore, my family dynamic is completely opposite from the dynamic of Brandi from "The Girl Next Door" by Sedaris.

To begin with, Brandi is an only child living in poverty along with her mother. The structure of her family consists of only two people, her mom and herself. Brandi's mother as a single mother has sole responsibility of the decision-making, the finances, and nurturing of her child. As a woman in our society she is going to make less money than a man and employers are less likely to hire a single parent due to reliability issues. For example, when Brandi's mother is confronted by the author for Brandi vandalizing his belongings, she snaps at him saying "I don't need this right now. No, you know what? I don't need this period. Do you think having a baby was easy for me? I don't have nobody helping me out, a husband or daycare or whatever. I'm all alone here, understand? (Sedaris 516)." As you can see, she has too much on her plate with trying to raise a child and keep her life together. Therefore, the structure of their family causes less attention to the child because of the other areas of importance that the mother is giving more attention to. The relationship between the two of them in terms of structure is just like two roommates living together in one apartment and neither one really cares what the other one does.

Next, every family has members who play certain roles in it and these roles effect how we communicate with each of those family members. Brandi is definitely playing the role of the rebellious child. She is always causing trouble in order to get attention out of her mother but her mother never cares, so Brandi gets away with everything. As far as her mother goes, she is playing the role of an irresponsible mother. She doesn't disciple her child or teaches her right from wrong and she has no sense of shame with random men coming around the house. In other words, Brandi has no deep connection to a mother figure or knows how to act according in a mother-daughter relationship. The bond that is supposed to be shared between the two has never developed and it probably never will.

Undoubtedly, Brandi is part of a dysfunctional family and this is very unhealthy for molding a child. The dysfunction starts with her mother who neglects her child and leaves her alone for hours upon hours at night. In turn, Brandi seeks attention from anyone around her because she is not being nurtured by her own mother. She doesn't understand the boundaries or importance of certain objects to other people because she doesn't even own anything of her own at her home. For example, when the author is showing Brandi around his apartment, he believes he "was exposing her to the things a regular person might own and appreciate, but all she heard was the possessive (Sedaris 511)." As you can see, she doesn't see the beauty in any of the things she is being shown but only realizing that it doesn't belong to her. Furthermore, her mother seems to take out all of her frustration out on Brandi but doesn't know how to lead by example. The little bit of discipline that goes into her bickering is wasted by the fact that she contradicts every word she says. For example, the author would sometimes listen to Brandi's mother "find an excuse to bully her daughter out of bed. Brandi had left a doughnut on the TV or Brandi had forgotten to drain her bathwater. Those are important lessons to learn, but there's something to be said for leading by example (Sedaris 510)." In essence, the dysfunctional family doesn't set a great foundation for the kids to grow and the parents never learn how to properly raise their kids either.

As for my family, our structure is very basic from any other family, which is a mother, a father, a son and a daughter. My parents started in poverty when we first moved to this country with nothing but they still taught me discipline and right from wrong. For this reason, when I communicate with my parents and others around me, I show them the respect they deserve and never stepped out of line. Furthermore, we are still basic in the sense that it's a daddy's little girl and momma's boy sense. I will always seek out my mom for material items or to talk out most of my issues with, but it is the exact opposite for my sister who will always console with my father. Even though, we both communicate more with one parent than the other, that doesn't cause any kind of division within our family. The decision-making, finances, and nurturing of us kids still is the responsibility of both parents as a unit and they work very well together. In other words, our family's structure has created a healthy environment for us to communicate openly with one another and to look up to our parents.

Next, the roles in my family are a little more dynamic than traditional roles. My father is the main bread maker in our house but he is usually the easier going one. He has always been one to work for everything he has and has always done everything in his power to put food on the table. Likewise, my mother has great work ethic but was usually the one to give out the punishments and be the nurturing figure. She had a duty to the home as well as a job to help support our family when we were younger. Both my parents were striving to give us, the kids, a better shot in life and were role models to my sister and I. As far as my sister was concerned, she definitely played the role as the baby of the family but as we grew older she became the hard working prodigy that I should have been. Her work ethic compared to mine was like comparing a mouse and an elephant when we were growing up. I was the older child but I didn't take the role of the child who went all out in activities and strived for acceptance from my parents. Instead, I was the older protective brother who basically just did enough to get by but my sister excelled in everything. The role reversal never really affected how my sister and I communicated with each other. Also, the roles set in our family helped establish boundaries between us and created limits.

Truly, my family is a functional one in which we share experiences and openly communicate with each other. I don't claim my family to be without dysfunction at all because no family is completely content with their relationships in one another and have zero arguments. We sometimes clash with different opinions because we, the kids, are raised in a different culture than our parents but we can get through anything. We can always negotiate around some of the boundaries and get our parents to understand our side of the argument. Our family is a unit that works well together because we were raised correctly. The environment shaped us some but my parents were there to show us the right and wrong paths for us to realize that actions have consequences. Undoubtedly, my parents have given my sister and me much more than they could have ever dreamed of when they were young.

In conclusion, Brandi's family and my family are complete polar opposites but, we were raised in the same type of environment. The structure is a two family system compared to a four family system in which her mother completely neglects her child but our parents were there for us every step of the way. As far as the roles in each family, you can clearly tell that Brandi's mother plays a negative role in her upbringing. On the other hand, my family plays a positive role in my upbringing and has put in the effort to raise us the right way. Likewise, our families are complete opposites when it comes to either being functional or dysfunctional. Brandi's family as a dysfunctional one will most likely be her downfall and leave her stuck in poverty along with a bitter mother. My family as a functional one will always be there to love and support any decision I make. Also, that's how a family should be, in order for an individual to grow and have a shot in this world.

Essay: 1490 Words

Writing Feedback / Term paper over different types of Love - Need a peer edit and ideas for conclusion [2]

The goal of the essay was to describe different types of love in accordance with a short story we ready called "Drinking Coffee Elsewhere" by ZZ Packer

I still need help with the conclusion to help wrap it all up and any type of editing will help. Also, if you have any advice with transitions or the flow of the paper please comment on it

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud" (1 Corinthians 13:4). Love is something that cannot be measured with a ruler or any other measuring device. The magnitude can only be determined by the individual and how important it is to them in their own personal lives. Love is universal and travels through time. There are many types of love in "Drinking Coffee Elsewhere" by Packer such as puppy, companionate, and tough. The two girls go through each type of love as their relationship grows together at school.

To begin with, Dina and Heidi start with the most common type of love which is puppy love. Puppy love is merely an innocent temporary crush on someone that you don't know well. Heidi is the first to experience this crush on Dina when she consistently shows up everywhere Dina is. For example, Dina "thought that that first encounter would be the last of Heidi, but then her head appeared in a window of Linsly-Chit...Next, she swooped down a flight of stairs in Harkness. She hailed me from across Elm Street and found me in the Sterling Library stacks" (Packer 572). Dina could have considered this strange and unusual but instead she actually tolerated it. Furthermore, Heidi was waited for Dina after her session with Dr. Raeburn in order to speak with her but during their conversation Heidi put her arm around Dina and was no refused at all. I believe Dina had to have a small crush or interest in Heidi as well because she would tolerate these small gestures. Also, Dina's psychiatrist Dr. Raeburn notices that Dina is bothered by the fact that Heidi is going out on a date with Mr. Dick again. He asks Dina if she has ever had a romantic interest before or just a seemingly small crush. Dina responds by telling him a story of a young boy she had met when she was sixteen that had asked to walk her home from the grocery store. However, Dina told Dr. Raeburn a lie about kissing the boy and thought "I couldn't tell him the rest: that I had not wanted the boy to walk me home, that I didn't want someone with such a nice shoes to see where I lived" (Packer 577). Dina probably has a small crush on Heidi but she is too ashamed to admit any type of feeling towards her. As you can see, she couldn't tell the truth so obviously it does have some effect on her.

Next, the two experience companionate love, which are the feelings of warmth towards a friend with whom you love to spend time with. Dina and Heidi both took jobs in the Dinner Hall to clean after everyone had left. In the first instance, Heidi began to ask Dina what was in store for her future and slowly the conversation turned into a bit of flirtation. The weather outside was cold and tonight was the night where they had to wash the floors with a hose. Dina decided it was too cold to even go outside in their already wet uniforms and they should just take their showers inside the dining hall with the hose. As Dina undressed, Heidi expressed her objection for the whole situation with such phrases like "You've flipped...I mean, really, psych-ward flipped" (Packer 580). On the other hand, when she began to spray Dina with the hose she was laughing and seemed like she actually liked the situation. Heidi was probably just not showing her true emotions because she thought that this could have been a test from Dina to see if she was gay or not. Once Dina was completely rinsed off, she told Heidi it was her turn to undress and get washed off. While Dina was spraying Heidi she turned up the water pressure and Heidi slipped but she didn't get up instead she rolled back and forth. Dina falls in love with Heidi in this moment while she watched her roll around on the floor. For example, Dina thought she "began to love Heidi that night in the dish room, but who is to say that I hadn't begun to love her the first time I met her? I sprayed her and sprayed her, and she turned over and over like a large beautiful dolphin, lolling about in the sun" (Packer 580). As previously stated, Dina admits to her crush from the moment she met Heidi and even goes as far as calling her beautiful. In the second instance, Heidi started sleeping over at Dina's place more often and they would sleep head to head. One night, Heidi started to compliment Dina's hair and began to touch it in the darkness. Dina described her slowly passing through her hair "til [her] scalp tingled" (Packer 581). As Heidi started to move towards the edge of Dina's face her "fingertips stopped for a moment, as if checking [her] pulse, then resumed" (Packer 581). Furthermore, Heidi took Dina's hand from under the blanket to feel her own hair and Dina described Heidi's smell that was "something richer, murkier. A bit dead, but sweet" (Packer 581). The two girls really start to develop unspoken feelings for each other here. As you can see, the comfort level between the two is like that of a boy and girl slowly getting together and accepting each other for who they are.

Undoubtedly, tough love is something that every human being has experienced or showed to another. Dina shows tough love as a part of her denial of her feelings for Heidi as she still feels ashamed of the fact that she could have feelings for the same sex. For example, when Heidi comes to speak with Dina after weeks of no contact, she is crying about her mother having cancer but she doesn't get the comfort she seeks from Dina. Dina replies to Heidi's crying by saying "it's alight. It's not a big deal" (Packer 582). When she explains the situation to her psychiatrist, she "wanted to say exactly the opposite. I meant that I knew what it was like to have a parent die" (Packer 582). Dina shows tough love due to her denial of her feelings but you can see that actually wanted to comfort Heidi and relate to her in order to make her feel better. Furthermore, when Heidi's mother passed away, the dean of the school pulled Dina aside to tell her that they would pay for the trip to Vancouver. Dina still in denial lashes out to say "what about my ticket back? Maybe the shrink will pay for that" (Packer 583). Later in the day, Dina packed all of her bags and went to Heidi's room to go with her on the trip. Heidi was in her room with a group of her friends from the lesbian group at her school. Cynthia was trying to comfort Heidi by telling her "you've got our numbers, and Vancouver's got a great gay community" (Packer 594). Her statement triggered Dina's tough love and as a reaction she said "she's going to a funeral, not a 'save the Dykes' rally" (Packer 584). Furthermore, Heidi pulled Dina away from the girls into the bathroom to have a one on one conversation. Heidi wanted an explanation for Dina's actions and why she had been ignoring her for months. Constantly, Heidi was seeking comfort from Dina but all she was receiving was the tough love from her denial. As a last resort, Heidi repeated that her mother was dead and the expression on her face was "she looked like someone waiting for a train" (Packer 584). Dina replied by saying "she's going to be dead for a long time" (Packer 584). Again, Dina completely does the opposite of how she feels and instead of comforting Heidi, she pushes her away even further. Heidi ends up going to Vancouver alone while Dina moves back home. Her use of tough love was only a reaction to her denial of her true feelings.

In conclusion, Dina and Heidi went through various different types of love while getting to know each other and develop their relationship.