bovienkid
Sep 30, 2010
Writing Feedback / The Holy Mosque in Mecca, Saudi Arabia - essay describing a place you like to visit. [5]
"First, I enjoyed the comfortable.."
"When I am in the mosque's yard, I see Muslims circling around the Holy Ka'aba in the middle, praying, and seeking blessings. "
"Pigeons fly freely in the air and chirphappily " (how do you know that they are chirping happily?)
"with complete trust in curing "
"sceneto me "
"in aligned rows"
"during only forone minute"
"prayer time"
"I want him to continue " Say why you want him to continue
don't "do not"
Provide a deeper meaning for the second paragraph. Most of it is plain description. You want to make the reader feel the same way you do about the mosque. What is so special about the mosque being wide and three stories high? The glorious chandeliers that illuminate the mosque? How does that make you feel?
Jaron
"First, I enjoy
"When I am in the mosque's yard, I see Muslims circling around the Holy Ka'aba in the middle, praying, and seeking blessings. "
"Pigeons fly freely in the air and chirp
"
"scene
"in aligned rows"
"
"prayer time"
"I want him to continue " Say why you want him to continue
Provide a deeper meaning for the second paragraph. Most of it is plain description. You want to make the reader feel the same way you do about the mosque. What is so special about the mosque being wide and three stories high? The glorious chandeliers that illuminate the mosque? How does that make you feel?
Jaron