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Posts by Duke9316
Joined: Oct 10, 2010
Last Post: Dec 21, 2010
Threads: 1
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Duke9316   
Oct 10, 2010
Undergraduate / "commitment to culture and volunteering" - Why Duke [2]

Prompt: If you are applying to Trinity College of Arts and Sciences, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something in particular at Duke that attracts you? Please limit your response to one or two paragraphs.

ESSAY DRAFT:

What do culture, volunteering, and a game of silent ball have in common? They all are components of my inspiration to attend Duke University. Amidst the many fine colleges our nation has to offer, Duke University's commitment to culture and volunteering stands out uniquely in my mind. Diya, a South Asian cultural club at Duke, is especially appealing to me, because it allows me to stay connected to my culture while being away from home. My experiences with Duke Graduates who were active members of Diya have led me to understand that this organization can help me connect with my cultural heritage while contributing to the campus culture in a meaningful way. Additionally, Duke Engage is similarly keen like my personality. Volunteering to assist the members of my community has always been a top priority of mine. Finding ways to give back to the community, be it through leadership in Boy Scouts or through local hospital volunteer work, has allowed me to assist the growing community around me. I believe Duke Engage imbibes this personality within the program and its participants. Duke Engage will help me to expand the scope of my volunteering and help me to continue it throughout my scholastic career.

Although the previous two reasons strongly fuel my burning passion as to why I want to attend Duke, the origin of my passion for Duke was generated in an unusual way. My sixth grade English teacher had glorified the game of silent ball within our metallic trailer walls. Ironically, the game was only named "silent," so that the administration wouldn't notice the intense games of dodge ball occurring during class time. That day the teams were divided between the Tar Heels and the Blue Devils. Not an avid basketball fan yet, I chose the devils. Even with a shortage of skilled players, the Devils conquered the Heels through perfect strategizing. That victory sparked the eternal flame that burns within me for Duke University and the Devils. Even though my initial joy in cheering for the Devils had unusual origins, my keen desire today to attend the university is kindled by the opportunities Duke offers both within and beyond the classroom.
Duke9316   
Dec 21, 2010
Undergraduate / "SKETCHING is my obsession" - essay regarding my hobby-MIT [5]

Prompt?

I can't find any mistakes other then the ones that have been pointed out. In the first sentence when kept saying yet it got annoying and more complicated to understand. If you can avoid doing that i think it would be a great short answer.

Whats the prompt? Its hard to say if your addressing the question or not.
Duke9316   
Dec 21, 2010
Undergraduate / New York City - Why Columbia (insert school name here)? [6]

WOW i never thought of making a why college essay like that. I got differed from my dream school Duke but i think they would have liked something new to look at like you just did. Great job!!

I think there are a couple of things in the first couple of sentences. At first i thought you were trying to make a poem but then all the sentences are choppy. It was hard to understand and read those first couple of line. I think thats the only thing that you need to change but the back half seems good.
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