Scholarship / "to teach art in the elementary school" - Narrative of Art Ed. [4]

this is really interesting and convincing
it kept my attention throughout the whole essay
if anything, i would alter the last sentence. its a little wordy

Undergraduate / "I want to become a child psychologist" - my personal statement. [9]

in the first paragraph, you should spell out seven instead of 7

and for the last sentence put 'becoming a clinical psychologist will...' instead of 'i want to become a clinical psychologist to...'