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Posts by sarahharvard
Joined: Oct 28, 2010		 Last Post: Oct 31, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 8  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 10
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sarahharvard   
Oct 28, 2010
Undergraduate / Advertising, Journalism? - ESSAY FOR HARVARD, UCHICAGO, AMERICAN, CARNEGIE [15]

Please help me out with this essay:

I never really understood what adversity is. I always thought of adversity as the "Berlin Wall" of life. I thought of it as the unbearable obstacle that separates freedom from misery. The guarded border that isolates myself from the world. The gigantic wall covered in bad thoughts, memories, and experiences that always rebuilds itself back up, whenever I knock it down. I've been fighting with adversity, and I never let it take the best of me. Being the daughter of two immigrants, I've experienced pessimism, isolation, bullying, and discrimination all my life. However inside of me, I have this internal fire that keeps me going. No matter how hard these obstacles come, I'll continue to fight it. Yet, not only fight it, but overcome it.

...
sarahharvard   
Oct 31, 2010
Undergraduate / Advertising, Journalism? - ESSAY FOR HARVARD, UCHICAGO, AMERICAN, CARNEGIE [15]

I see your point, I didn't completely rewrite my essays. But I did add some parts, and deleted some as well.

Here are the edited paragraphs:

I had to face the brutality freshman year, when my high school swim team coach scratched me from Sectionals with no explanation. He had no excuse to scratch, which devastated me because I was seeded first and would have made it to state finals. I had to face the brutality for four years when my former club swim team coach would cheer on other swimmers to beat me. I had to face the brutality this year when someone anonymously posted a question on Formspring asking me to kill myself and to go back where I came from. I remember it all; but in truth, it has no negative effect on me. With my internal fire from the brutality, my achievements in swimming has led me to be recruited from vast number of Division I, II, and III universities. I also ranked top sixteen in the entire state, top twenty-four in the entire Midwest, and competed in national level competitions. All the brutality I faced, has given me strength, power, and the will to succeed.

Although I have been in America for fourteen years, I never felt that I truly adapted to American society. I still feel different. Of course I wear the same brand of clothes, listen to the same type of music, and watch the same type of movies as my friends. I still feel that I am still in this state of isolation. My family's strict ideologies have never let me attend school dances, football games, or go on dates. Although I still wish to be able to experience the typical American customs, I discovered ways to be part of the American community. I educated my peers about diversity and the importance of being involved. I created my own organization called, "Be The Change" to fundraise for Haiti earthquake victims. I am currently in the process of starting a Model UN charter, as well as, a Human Rights club at my high school. I write articles for my school paper, and The Chicago Tribune's The Mash, to bring awareness amongst my generation on the importance of acceptance, freedom, and liberty. Through my efforts, I feel that I am America.

This is my moment. This my moment to shine and prove myself to all those who doubted me wrong. I am willing to put in every effort to reverse the adversity I have experienced. I want to prove to those who have mocked me because of my differences that I am somebody. I want to prove to my former swim coaches that I will succeed in the pool; that I will swim in the intercollegiate level. I want to prove to my family that the world is not grey, cold, and brutal. I want to show them that the world is vivid, warm, and filled with endless possibilities. I want to prove to my parents that I am talented, can be successful in the journalism field, and that my appearance does not matter at all. America is accepting, and continues to be my land of opportunity. I want to prove that I can overcome the obstacles in life. Most of all, I want to prove to myself that I am triumphant.

^I made grammar corrections

Let me know what you think, thanks!
sarahharvard   
Oct 31, 2010
Undergraduate / Columbia is cool, teaches, and aids foreigners - in 1500 letters [11]

I understand that no college could really "teach" successful writing. But Columbia's Creative Writing program, with thought-provoking Core Curriculums, amazing workshops, small writing seminars, and exposure to the vibrant community that is NYC(sure, I may not get the New Yorker internship that I wanted, but I'll get something just as good), comes pretty darn close.

I'm not sure if you want to start a sentence with a contraction. If that's your writing style, then that's fine.

and Diction, Diction, Diction!
sarahharvard   
Oct 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "value over success" -EARLY ACTION - UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO SUPPLEMENT ESSAY [2]

How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to Chicago.

I believe in value over success. Albert Einstein, a man who contributed greatly to the world, once said, " Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value." In response to his philosophy, I want to be able to cherish and value all the things that occur in my life. The University of Chicago will not only help me succeed, but find my purpose in life.

I dream to be a journalist. Although UChicago does not offer a communications major or minor, it has opened my eyes to a different path. The outstanding Political Science and Public Policy majors that UChicago offers and prestigious professors like John Mearsheimer, has satisfied my hunger for an education. UChicago helped me find my true aspiration. I want to speak out for the unspoken. I want the citizens of America to be treated equally, fairly. I want America to be protected from the dirty politics of Washington D.C. After speaking with a couple staff writers of the Maroon, I came to the realization that I don't need a journalism degree to be a journalist. A journalist does not write about journalism. UChicago's community has an aura of welcome, prestige, unity, and value. The diversity of the student body has led me to feel comfortable as a not only a student, but as a human being. When I walked in the quadrangular, I had this boiling energy rise inside of me. It is as if I transformed Maroon. It made believe that I am University of Chicago.

**Tell me what you think**
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