Undergraduate / "What it means to be a volunteer" - UC Prompt [5]

Hi Youngmin. Great essay you have there, but I think you should use your pronouns (like we, I, one) consistently and also remember to include your answer for why you are proud of your personal quality or whatever! :)

Undergraduate / "DISCOVERING THE WORLD OUTSIDE OF THE ORANGE CURTAIN" -UC PROMPT 1 [6]

Hi Sakuni! I also live in Orange County! :) But anyways! I had a UCI reader come to my school and give us some advice. So one of the things she said was: This is absolutely not an essay. So I think you should change the paragraph format so you can view your essay the same way the UC reader views it (a block of words). Also try to narrow down your essay to 500 & 500 because if you have an essay that is 300 words it may look like you didn't care much about one towards the other. GOOD LUCK on your personal statement and hope this helped!

Undergraduate / "I find the strength of women" - Why wellesley essay [3]

Hi there! First sentence: "have" is plural so "difference" should be plural also -> "differences"
Second sentence: a bit wordy try to break it down
Third sentence: the list does not parallel each other (remove even)

So when I first learned Wellesley from a book of my favorite writer Bing Xin, a prolific and respected thinker and writer who used to study in Wellesley almost a century ago, I was like "Oh my gosh, this is exactly what I want."

I would remove "so" and change "was like" to something else (maybe said) because it is a bit informal.

Okay sorry I would help you on the rest, but I have to get back to my other work!!!

Hope my little tips helped though x)