Undergraduate / "Damage to Ocean Species" - SUNY App Essay [2]

"Ever since I saw that turtle who was entangled in the fishing line, I was concerned about pollution in the ocean." - ...,I have been concerned about the pollution in the ocean.

That's the only mistake I saw, but otherwise I think it's very good! I read over the essay about 2-3 times before I posted this comment, so I think you're okay in my opinion. :)

Undergraduate / Photography Job: School of Visual Arts Application Essay [5]

Thank you, I'll start working on that now.

Undergraduate / "From life in Korea to China" - My experience (quality, talent, experience) [3]

"Both excited and worried, I thought it seemed too difficult, especially when I had had no experience in business, but I immediately threw myself into the project."

I feel like this is a run on sentence. I think it would be better if you put a period at the end of the word business, and replace 'but' with 'however'

Personally, I would type out numbers (...year one kids...) instead of using the numbers on your keyboard, such as '...year 1 kids...'

I think you stayed on topic when it comes to talking about an experience that is important to you. I think you still need to answer the question of how it relates to who you are.

I hope I helped!

Undergraduate / "that person is my sister, she influenced my life" - Admission essay [4]

I just fixed some grammatical errors and removed sentences that didn't make sense/didn't fit. I also added some phrases to some sentences to have it make more sense. It sounds really good, and it follows the prompt. I hope this helps! :) I don't know if anyone else has any other suggestions.

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Most people have had someone that have made an important impact on their life. MeMyself as one of them, there is someone close to me that havehas hadmade in my life, an important impactan important impact in my life.that I am still half way to complete it, andT hat person is my sister.She is five years older than me, and has recently graduated as doctor after 6six years of hard work and nights without sleep. She havehas made an impact that havehas changed me.

When I was young and careless about the grades that I was making, opposite to my sister, from that specific moment, she started makingto make an impact in my life. When I needed help, she sat next to me and taught me how to do my homework right and reminding me the important advices that my parents always have told me; to make from me a person more responsible and careful with my classes.B ut it was not stillstill not enough to keep me in the right path. Although, I always knew what my sister was talking about, and me with the laziness at that time, there were many times that I always left the homework as last option.and having on mind the entertainment, first. On the other hand, I was lucky to havehaving a sister who cares onabout me and kept tried to help me. Indeed, she always waswas always there to help me a little, when she had the chance.

While the time was passing, I could realized the importance of education and the benefits that can make in my life.and I realized this by watching my sister deeply studying for the tests, just to get a good grade and how worried she was. An example that I still remember was, when she was getting prepared for the admission test.thatIt took her long hours of studying to take it. S urprisingly, with hard working and never giving up, she was finally was accepted in one of the prestigious and important universities in Venezuela, where she was able to become a doctor. By the way,T he only bad thing that I remember,andhowever at the same time seen good, was, when she left home to live close the university. As a result, I was practically alone and without her help.and without the minor idea,T his soon changedbecameto be positive tofor me because it was the moment where I started to be serious abouttake seriously my classes and be more independent. With the desire ofto keep studying and getting good grades during the most important years of high school, where the grades will be count for the admission in a university, it has helped me to set up an important goal;that still it is, that is to graduate from one of the best universities where I can become what I want to be.

Finally, my sister has made on my a great impact in my life, by teaching me, reminding me and letting me to see her how hard she always tried. As result, I could realized by myself, the reason of why she was always studying.and takeI needed to be more seriouslyabout education andso I can complete one of my goals in thismy life;that is to graduate infrom a good university.

Undergraduate / Photography Job: School of Visual Arts Application Essay [5]

Photography Job: School of Visual Arts Application Essay - Revised

Prompt: In 500 words or less, discuss your reasons for pursuing undergraduate study in the visual arts. Feel free to to include any information about yourself, your goals and interests that may not be immediately apparent from the review of your transcript or portfolio.

Photography is special to me. I express myself through it and I want to make a career out of it. It has been in my life for as long as I can remember, and there is nothing I would do to change that. I became interested in photography when I was younger and went outside one day to photograph the trees in my backyard. I started to teach myself the basics of photography.

Ever since that day, I have been very motivated about my hobby. I used internet search functions, and read magazines and books about photography. The photos I saw in magazines influenced me greatly. I mimic the images I see. Not to claim it as my own idea, but to learn new techniques. These techniques have helped me greatly in becoming more confident in my own photography. I want to study the Visual Arts because I grew up around it, and it is a passion of mine. I feel as if I have reached my limits in teaching myself. I want to push my skills even further through working with my peers and professors.

I like to cook, and I want to pursue something that includes both photography and food. My hope for the future is to work for a food magazine, such as Food & Wine. I want to be able to take photos of different foods and publish them in a magazine for viewers.

The importance of photography is to show new ways of visual arts. There are several different types of photography, for example, macro images or nature. It can also be used for different purposes; such as food photography. It would be hard to draw or paint food and make it appealing to someone who is looking at the image, but a photograph can capture its essence. Photography is a form of art, and it can be used in many different ways. It can be used for therapy, to show facts, or to collect memories. Expressing yourself is important, and not everyone can express themselves verbally. Some are able to do it through drawing or painting, and others are able to through photography.

I believe that photography is another way to express yourself; another way to send a message. It can be a metaphor for many things. Photography, as well as other visual arts, means to me that you can create your own interpretation of the image that you make. Photography is a unique way of art. It can be manipulated in several different ways. As the famous quote says, "a picture is worth a thousand words."