Undergraduate / "finding employment in the medical field" - UC Prompt #1 [4]

Can I get some advice and feedback on my essay? It would be much appreciated because I have been having a hard time writing this specific prompt.

Prompt 1: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

The people within a community can act as the cog in a well-functioning machine. Each and every person in the world is able to provide a role that affects the other. However, what of those that are willing, but unable to promote their significance in a world that can be otherwise intimidating to the unfortunate? Do they not deserve this chance to prove that what they have to offer can make a difference?

Throughout my life, I have felt as if I should play an important role in society. I have always believed that my social obligation needs to be so influential, that I can feel as if I have changed the world for a greater good. For years, I completed intensive soul searching in order to find what niche I can be best suited for. After my first day of job shadowing at a community hospital, I knew how I could help this world for the better and feel as if my role changed a person's life forever.

Since I was young, I have wanted to help people. Coming from a family that is their active duty to help citizens, a police officer and teacher, I have been instilled with a passion to help that is so great, it cannot be subdued. Every day I am subjected to stories of how my parents have shaped another person's life, while I listened. One day, after a particularly riveting story about a police standoff that my father recounted, I decided that my career needed to involve helping people, no matter how unfortunate. Seeing as how I had acquired a divine interest in the human body, I concluded that I should be employed in the medical field. After my self-discovery, I wanted to begin my career as soon as possible by acclimatizing myself to the hospital scene.

By volunteering and job shadowing at my local hospital, I made an observation that severely impacted my philosophy on life. On my first day of job shadowing at a community hospital, I finally understood how people condescendingly treat the underprivileged. During my tour of the hospital, I did not find myself overwhelmed with the priceless equipment or the expansive medical staff, but of the hallways in the hospital. With my first steps into the hospital, I found myself surrounded by an array of the sick and injured that lined the hallway as if they were merely wall decorations. Many looked as if they were in extreme agony and needed help. It panged me to see these people in mortal distress just because they were unable to afford the proper medical insurance, or they did not have connections that allowed them excellent service by the medical professionals. I now feel that it is my honorable duty to ensure that each and every person receives equal medical treatment. People should not be treated inferiorly when we are all born equally.

This revelation has given me the potential to realize that my future affirms my goal in helping everyone that is in need. By finding employment in the medical field, I will be able to realize my capabilities of assisting those that are willing, but unable to find their niche in society. By pursuing a medical career, I would be pursuing my love and passion for the human body and achieving an intrinsic goal that I have set for myself. By helping those that are unable to help themselves, I will hope to have inspired others to do the same.

Undergraduate / "Affected By Family Member's Depression" - UC Prompt #1 [3]

Can I have some feedback on my prompt before I send it in? Revisions and editing would be great.

Seeing the suffering of a family member and the impact it has on your family is one of the most unimaginable horrors that a person has to face. It is not a terminal or unexpected death that I was forced to confront, but the reality of my uncle's depression and what it was doing to my grandparents. My unfortunate realization of how a mental disorder can be so piercing to the stability of family gave me inspiration to understand the way the mind and body work.

When I was a child, I overheard my grandparents telling my parents that my uncle was suffering from depression and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I was too young at the time to register what those words meant, but after years of observation I began to comprehend how badly it was affecting my family. My uncle was unable to support himself because of his reclusiveness and withdrawal from human interaction. My grandparents, being the extraordinary parents that they are, gave him full support and have been ceaselessly financially aiding him since. The turmoil it has caused has been devastating, but has exponentially amplified my interest in the physiological cognition of the brain.

The abstruseness of the brain has given me an endless interest of the topic that is most studied by the top neurologists in the world. The localization of mental disorders and illnesses are unknown, and there are no known cures to rid a person of all cranial afflictions. However, with an influx of people with a great curiosity for the brain, then we can solve the greatest enigma of all time. If I were to learn the studies that have baffled scientists for ages, then maybe I could make a difference in society and help alleviate the stress that my grandparents have been forced to endure for years. It is not fair that they have to suffer because of genetic mutations and anomalies that have created OCD and depression. They deserve better, and I want to help them achieve a stress-free environment, devoid of worry and financial troubles.

The pain and anguish that I see etched on my grandparent's faces is enough to make me want to help my uncle in order to help them. If I were to find a viable treatment or cure for the mental illnesses, then I would be able to help not only my family, but every person that has to go through the same suffering that my family has gone through. By having a personal connection to a loved one that suffers from OCD and depression, I can understand what others are going through. This personal connection has instilled in me a passion so great to treat or cure these ailments that I will not rest until something is done. I have found my niche in this world, and I intend to do good because I owe it to my family and everything they have gone through.

Thanks