Undergraduate / Think Globally, Act Locally - UC Essay #1 [3]

Hi,
my parents are also from Iran :D

I really liked your essay, I thought it showed how much you care about the community and addressed the issue of helping others, which not many people choose to put in their essay.

Undergraduate / "I live a busy life and stress fuels me" - UC App- Prompt 1- Yearbook [4]

Hi,

I think your essay's really well written- you show your determination and persistance really well. However I think the subject could be changed? Or maybe you could discuss your background/family/personal life as well as your main essay.

But i thought your last paragraph was really great and had a strong ending.

Good luck applying! :)

Undergraduate / "My India nationality and in-the-middle personality is up for grabs." - UC 1 [9]

Hey,
I love "But which half of me belongs to India?" It shows you're not afraid to question yourself.
There are lots of big words I don't understand, which means your essay's good :P
Your last line is definitely strong- and I like the fact that you leave the reader trying to answer that question "Why can't I just say that I'm from both?"

I think it flows really nicely, and your points link well with the previous paragraph.
The one thing I would say is maybe "dumb" some of the words down a bit- things like "inexorably intertwined" is a bit much.

Other than that I think it's great :)
Good luck!