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Posts by ohrio
Joined: Nov 29, 2010
Last Post: Nov 30, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  
From: United States of America

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ohrio   
Nov 30, 2010
Undergraduate / Tradition is scary; mindless followers - UT ESSAY PROMPT #2 [3]

Topic B: REQUIRED
Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.


Urrrgh, this is the second essay for UT. I'm almost positive my backup isn't strong enough. Also, I am having trouble with concluding. Extremely picky criticism would be tremendously appreciated. Thanks so much for anyone who can help.

Tradition is a belief that defines cultures; it signifies the importance of heritage and passes down a rich foundation of prior practices among prospective generations. It standardizes the way a culture behaves and interacts, and can branch off into similar traditions that can be held onto until time expires. Tradition is ultimately the reason we celebrate, grieve, and even learn today. Me? I think "tradition" is a deceptive apparition.

By all means, tradition is no menace. I for one, enjoy getting presents for Christmas and will be draped in black to show the utmost respect for those who've passed. Despite its noble associations and grandiose colorations, though, I believe tradition has become a overused and therefore diluted word, a mere explanation used by some to justify not knowing why they participate in customs or activities.

It might not seem like an issue of dire importance, but I am most definitely not overreacting. What brought the dangerous aspect of tradition to my attention blossomed from a simple chain reaction of imagination based thinking. I thought of why racial discrimination against African-Americans was common in even adolescents in the mid 20th century, and why some religions base the majority of their decisions upon a figure born directly from faith, and why children receive sweets for free just for dressing up in costume on October 31st. These three examples all share a common trait: the people solely execute their actions based on what other people have told them. This is the frightening thought. Susceptible minds are exposed to feeble ideas, ones that a single man could conjure. If one idea is morally corrupt, yet appeals to one's imperfect human desire, it could gain enough mindless followers to pass on the tradition for many generations. And no one would know why.

This is why I feel knowledge is extremely important.
ohrio   
Nov 30, 2010
Undergraduate / timid new world - my first year in america [5]

"Classrooms" does not need a hyphen.
Also, put a "the" before classrooms.
"Odd ball" is more of a cartoony phrase; I'd try using a less slang term. Maybe something like:
"They treated me like I wasn't a human", something appealing to emotion and will gain sympathy.

Overall, it's a moving essay. (:
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