Undergraduate / Location, different fields, amazed: Why Emory is for me...etc. [3]

Hi. This is an essay I've written for the Emory supplement.

Here's the prompt: Many students decide to apply to Emory College based on our size, location, reputation, and yes, the weather. Besides these valid reasons for making Emory College a possible college choice, why is Emory College a particularly good match for you?

Could the people reading this please help me? I feel like it's too...general. As in, I could easily use this for any other college by just replacing the name. At least, that's the feeling I get for most of it. Thanks :]

Entering college is starting a new chapter in life. After touring colleges and listening to my college friends' experiences, I have decided that Emory would be the best place to start my new chapter.

When I toured Emory, everything I saw amazed me; it was like a dream come true. The buildings that were frequently renewed and the high-tech classrooms that gave off a comfortable, but easy-to-pay-attention vibe showed that the school cared for the students' learning environment. Of all the other colleges I had visited, it felt the most comfortable, yet vibrant. Everything was immaculate and not overdone to be a distraction.

I learned that Emory is a place that is able to offer many different fields. Though I have no set major, I am leaning towards the biological field. Emory is one of the leading colleges in research such as HIV and genetics. What better learning environment can there be other than the place where actual modern science research takes place? Emory also seems like the place where I would be able to learn most of each subject. The 7:1 student faculty ratio shows that this college is a learning environment where students can have a close relationship with the professor, rather than a hundred students trying to get help from the occupied professor.

Additionally, as I walked around, I saw different races. So far, the educational environment I have been in has mainly consisted of Caucasians. Emory would be able to offer a cultural diversity that I could experience, no matter what race or financial class I am.

Comparing Emory to my other choices, it is the one college that seems the best with regard to my reasons. The amazing educational aspects and ethnic diversity make it the college in which I want to start my college career.

Undergraduate / "YOU'RE GETTING SMALLER, BUT I CAN STILL SEE YOU!": influencing character [2]

Prompt: Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

"YOU'RE GETTING SMALLER, BUT I CAN STILL SEE YOU!" These were the last words of Owen Meany as he lay dying after sacrificing himself for the sake of the people in the bathroom with him. John Irving's famous character from A Prayer for Owen Meany is an individualistic diminutive male whose story you follow through the eyes of his best friend. He believes himself to be an instrument of God and is a Christ figure himself. Owen is a male who maintains the physical stature and voice of a child, yet is intellectual, alarming, and manipulative to those around him. Unlike other fictional protagonists, I could not forget this character after closing A Prayer for Owen Meany and constantly thought of this peculiar person. Gradually, I imagined about what he would do in difficult situations I faced, not unlike a "What Would Owen Do?" concept. Owen accepted himself as he was and did not care about how others thought of him. He drew people in with his magnetizing aura. He was also a character who lived his life for God.

Owen never grew taller than five feet and had larynx problems; therefore, people were always staring at him. Though many people would have had a hard time dealing with the abnormality, Owen acknowledged how he looked. Many people have a problem with how they look, especially girls. Even though I do not brood over myself constantly, sometimes I will evaluate myself and list imperfections. One time I stood in front of the mirror and listed more than thirty flaws, but after getting to know Owen Meany, I realized that I was being ridiculous, even though he and I are opposite sexes. Owen was obviously worse off than I am, due to his physical deformities. Yet the fact that he accepted himself taught me to appreciate myself more. I was complaining for petty reasons; I should be thankful for not having any defects like Owen. In fact, I should be thankful for being alive. Owen also did not let others' opinions influence his decisions. He refused to let his physical being hinder his acceptance into the army, becoming an army lieutenant during the Vietnam War; and the people really did not have a reason to refuse him. Owen made up for what he lacked; he had the intellect and ability to be in charge. Being apathetic to public opinion is something extremely hard to do. Once, I wanted to take the side of that one person whom no one really liked. Everyone was teasing her, and it was obvious that she was the victim and was being bullied. But whenever I wanted to stand up, I got scared at the possibility of seeing the unbelieving looks on their faces, and sat still and let that person be taunted until the nearby adults stepped in. Now, I have more courage and chide the others for bullying or teasing, ignoring the fact that I could always welcome unwanted enemies. I always have, do, and will be tempted and overcome by impulse to act based on others' views, and to be scared at what others may think. I try to be like Owen and not let others to hinder my future.

If you see a child, but then realize that the child is not a child at all, but is, in fact, an adult, I am pretty sure you would be surprised, even scared. Owen did indeed scare people sometimes. For example, during one of the rehearsals for A Christmas Carol, his acting of the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come was so great that he caused people to scream. But in most cases, Owen drew people in more than he scared them away. They were awed by him, both physically and emotionally. This reaction was repeated throughout the novel. ". . . I had never seen my cousins gape at anyone with open mouths. . . ", "All the children watched Owen closely . . . They never took their eyes off of him." He had an unexplainable aura that made people want to know more about him. This emotional aspect of him was another trait by which I was influenced. People's first impression of me is usually a quiet and somewhat withdrawn person, but by following Owen's example, I am slowly becoming a more socially inviting person. People are not so anxious when approaching me anymore. Owen was also very social, almost always unafraid of new people, wanting to get to know them. I used to find it very difficult to approach any new person; I was afraid that they would stare at me in a condescending, "Are you seriously trying to talk to someone like me?" manner. Even now, I find it a little awkward approaching a new person; however, I am striving to become bolder and take the first step in getting to know a new person.

Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

John Irving described Owen as a die-hard Christian. After accidentally killing his best friend's mother, Owen declared, "God has taken your mother. My hands were the instrument. God has taken my hands. I am God's instrument." He believed that everything in life was God's plan and knew that he had to live his life the way God intended it to be. He did not run away from his death even after knowing how he would die. Owen would later give up his life in Vietnam by getting his friend to throw him up to the roof with a grenade in his hands, a basketball dunk move which the two had practiced for years. He knew that the two of them had practiced for that one moment; Owen believed that everything was planned out by God, whether humans knew it or not. He never doubted God, always trusting in Him, and knew the Bible like an educated priest would know it. He was the perfect Christian. And though I know that the perfect Christian does not exist, I find myself trying to follow his steps in faith. During the times when I am confused about God's plans in my life, I think of Owen and become assured that everything happens for a reason; I have no right to question God. I pray more often and focus on being a good Christian, compared to when I would only sit around and mope about problems. Thanks to Owen, I have become closer to God.

Most people read books and watch movies just for enjoyment or study. Once they have finished, they throw them all away, forgetting about the characters. But for me, the one character that I was unable to forget, Owen Meany, has become real and influential to me. I thank John Irving for giving life to this extraordinary character, whose life I was able to follow from youth to death. Even though he is fictional, he encourages me to become comfortable with myself and not care about how others think of me, to be warmer towards people, and to become more intimate with the God I believe in.

What can I do to not make it so much about the character? Tips and ideas, please. Be very critical and harsh.

Undergraduate / "even if we end up on opposite sides..." - Dear Future Roommate--for Stanford [4]

Prompt:Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

Dear future roommate,
Hi! I'm Elyse. You know, I wonder about what kind of person you are and whether we'll be close friends.

So, a few things about me. I am a girl who has no idea as to what I want to do. I mean, I have an interest in biology, but that could change, which is why I want to attend Stanford to find my real interest. I like to watch the clouds go by since it reminds me of how quickly time flies by and how it should be cherished. I like to watch biological documentaries that most people wouldn't want to watch after eating dinner, which worries my parents. I tend to be night owl as well as an early bird. But I promise that I will never disturb your peace. I love to watch movies and shop, especially with friends!

If you ask my friends about me, they'll say that I am the girl who is always smiling, no matter how I feel that day. I'm also known to speak really fast, trying to keep up with my train of thought. My friends would also say that I'm very random and known to make weird noises, which make them wonder why they ever became friends with me. People also say that the way I act inside and outside of the classroom is so different that they cannot relate the two, the quiet girl and the loud girl. Another thing I am known for is my refusal to give up on certain things, which can be a strength and weakness.

I play violin in an orchestra. Thanks to it, I'll be able to tell my future kids that I once met a famous person-Midori Gotō, a world famous violinist who was the soloist for the orchestra. And let me say, it was one of the most memorable weekends of my life to have been able to play with her and her student Moni Simeonov.

I hope college will be an amazing experience for us. And hopefully after college we'll stay close friends, even if we end up on opposite sides of the world.

Can't wait to meet you,
Elyse Lim

I need to decrease characters...Care to help? And what should I take out and put in?