Undergraduate / "influenced by biology teacher" + "like Dwayne Carter / Lil" my syracuse supplement. [2]

For: Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?

I'm not sure whether you want me to correct your essay on grammars or tell you my personal opinion about it...

There are some run-on sentences and commas that are not placed properly, as well as spelling mistakes, so please re-check them:

for ex.

I was deeply influenced to apply to Syracuse, by my 10th grade biology teacher Napoleon Knight, an alumni of Syracuse University.

He helped me realized the advantages

Also, give more specific examples. You say how Syracuse do this and that to influence you, but you should probably put HOW it did. For ex...

has impact his life in a positive manner (HOW) and has not only allowed him to pursue a successful career, but one that he loves. I feel like Syracuse can help me achieve this goal in pursuing a successful career doing something that I love (WHAT is your goal? What is that something you love?). Syracuse wants to know about you in this essay even if it asked why you chose it.

For: Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this?

Again, lack of comma's or inappropriate use of it.

...him to express himself in a unique way, this inspires <--- (Over here is a run-on sentence. Put a period or a semicolon instead of a comma)

I like the overall idea of this essay;However, only the person you strive to become shows through it (lil wayne). You need to talk about YOURSELF more. You can't assume that by explaining what Lil wayne is like, or his hopes and dreams, the college admission officers would know YOU as a person. You need to relate himself directly to you, talk about how your experience or your life relate to his.

Other than that, as long as you fix the grammars and arrangements of the sentences, I would say, it's good.

Undergraduate / "Mission accomplishment " - UT Austin Transfer, Statement of Purpose [4]

Before asking if it's too much or not, I need to know the word limit of the essay. If, let's say 250 is the limit, I would say it's perfect, but if it's, say, 750, you should probably write more.

"I will hit the ground running to meet all criteria of the College of Liberal Arts" <-- Personally, I like this.

I think your essay is sincere and the points get across; the overall attitude that shows through the essay is also very determined, so that's a thumbs up. The only thing you have to look out for is your commas and words. I feel like they may be words that you can cut out, or at the very least start a new sentence with because sometime while I was reading this I did get lost in the wordiness of the response.

Overall, I really like it; another thing I get from this is that you are very strong-willed :)