Writing Feedback / Debate Essay: Human Cloning Research [NEW]

Human Cloning Research

The scene of this conversation takes place at Sacramento State University science clubroom. This is an argument between Kerry and Joe, who are the members of this club. Kerry joined this club for two years and has a big interest in science and technology while Joe is still a newbie there.

Kerry: Have you read the newspaper this morning? There is breaking news about the scientist who was successful in cloning Dolly sheep. He informed that he would abandon all of research about human cloning. I bet he had to quit because his success wasn't recognized by almost countries, they tried to ban the human cloning research.

Joe: Oh yes, I read it. I think it's better for him to quit his research. Many people agree that human cloning goes against the human morality. It's not the natural process, no one can hold the right to create or own a human being.

Kerry: I don't think so. We are living in 21st century now. This is reality, not morality. Human cloning technology will bring a lot of benefits in many fields such as: beauty business, health care treatment, etc. I think that it's unreasonable to ban this research.

Joe: The Vatican defined that cloning human is "playing god". People were created by the hands of God, no one but God has the right to create a living. Human cloning sounds like making a baby form nothing.

Kerry: I understand that it's hard to convince people when it comes to religious and ground. Many people feel wary of cloning for this reason, yet there is some theologians hold that "playing God" is exactly what God expected us to do. Human are meant to be "co-creator", partners with God in further creation.

Joe: I would admit that while there is a wide range of opinion exists in religious community, "playing God" is not necessarily theologically objectionable. By the way, what can we get from the human cloning research?

Kerry: If you can clone a human, it means that you can create a healthy cell or organ. It will help to reverse the aging process in people. It will bring a huge profit for the business of beauty.

Joe: I wonder if a wise business man would invest in that. Although human cloning research sounds promising, it requires a lot of time and efforts, yet there is not enough evidence that the process will go well and all experiments will be successful. Moreover, it's very hard to make profit from government activity.

Kerry: That's not all. It will make a big hit on health care treatment. The scientists believe that by cloning the healthy heart cells and injecting them in to the damaged heart area, they can treat heart attacks.

Joe: But we can replace natural heart by a machinery heart, right? It doesn't take as much money as human cloning research and we can improve the technology faster.

Kerry: There is a high chance that the patient's body will reject the machinery heart. It's very hard to make non-organic material compatible with organic organ.

Kerry: Putting the heart treatment aside, there is one more important thing that I forgot to mention. The advent of human cloning research will give it possible for infertile couples to have child than ever before.

Joe: I'm aware that the baby will have no soul. After all, it is merely a physical element produced from an existing life. It's not possible to make a clone as your child.

Kerry: A newborn clone is still the same as newborn baby. Newborn creatures are innocent. The clone will grow up normally if we take good care of it.

Joe: When you create a clone and give it to others, it sounds like this clone is an item and people will think they can "own" a clone. There is a high risk that people will take advantage of it and clone massive people to create a group of working underclass.

Kerry: All the activities will be watched carefully by the government and all in details will be treated as classified information. By this way, general public can't get involved in that easily.

Joe: I see. Thanks for your information, Kerry. As expected from what I heard, you are fired up when it comes to science and technology. Please let me know if there is any more information about this research, I'm looking forward to it.

Kerry: Sure, I will.

***Please brief read this essay and help me to pint point out the grammatical errors as well as other errors. Please give me some advice that you think it's good for my essay.

Thank you very much.

Letters / Rogerian Essay: A Letter to My Parents [3]

Dear Mom and Dad,

It has been 20 years since I was born and grew up under your care. First of all, I want to say that I really appreciate everything you did for me. I am really thankful that you are not only my parents but you are also my irreplaceable friends. Since I was young, every time I got into trouble by my stubbornness, you were always there to support me and give me the right advice. I know that without listening to you, I wouldn't be able to grow up to be an adult like today. However, just for today, I would like you to listen to my opinions.

I'm already a second year college student and I have almost finished all of my lower division classes. Since I decided to take part in an engineering major, I have to think about whether I should transfer to an engineering school at CSU Cal Poly or I stay here and apply for CSU Sacramento as you recommended.

I really value your opinion about making decisions for my future. I know that you want me to attend CSU Sacramento because you want me to have a good school life. I can't deny the fact that this school is really near our house, and it has a good program for engineering major. I know that you don't want me to worry about anything else but studying while I am still in school, so you suggested that I go to a local school. I admit that it will be easier for me to concentrate on my studying if I can stay under your care during my time in college.

However, as you and I both want the best for my future, I would like you to consider about my decision of transferring to CSU Cal Poly.

I believe I can get a better education if I can transfer there. CSU Cal Poly has been named the best regional university in the west in a new survey by Carnegie Communications. Moreover, the number-one ranking in the Carnegie report showed that more student than ever consider Cal Poly a top choice in their college decision process. In general, its popularity is a lot higher than CSU Sacramento. Since I decided to choose my future path as engineering, it's better for me to continue my education in a top-ranked engineering school like Cal Poly.

The environment at that place is very peaceful, so you don't have to worry about my living and my safety. Cal Poly has a good university housing system for freshmen students like me. All Cal Poly on campus living options are designed to support students' academic success. The best thing in this system is that students are allowed to select the place on campus where they will feel most comfortable and able to work towards academic success. I shall be fine over there. Together with my new friends, I will be able to take care of myself.

This school also has a lot of connections to other companies and industrial cooperation such as HP, Canon, Chevron, Siemens, and Webcor Builders. Compare to other universities, students graduating from Cal Poly have more chances getting a good job. There are also a lot of training programs for current students in there in various fields like: electric, civil, architecture, mechanical, and chemical. That's why there's a very strong chance that I may get involved in some type of research or training program while I'm still in school. With the experience built up, it's easier for me to get a job after I graduate.

Finally, I want to say that I'm very concerned about my future. When I made my decision, I did all the research and considered carefully all available options. I would like you to consider my opinion about transferring to CSU Cal Poly. I will try my best to study so that I will not upset you. At the bottom of my heart, I will be very happy if I can receive support from you.

Writing Feedback / "The Voting Age" essay [4]

The conversation took place in John's house. At weekend, Hoang came over to visit him and they talk about the limitation in election voting age.

Hoang: Hey John, is it right that people in California must be at least 18 in order to vote?

John: Yes, it's right. The election policy in California requires that the voters must be at least 18 in order to vote.

Hoang: Why doesn't the government lower the voting age down to 16? At 16 a person is eligible to work, he or she can apply for an official job. If the government allows them the right to work, then they should also see that a 16 years old person is mature enough to vote.

John: I don't think we should do that. It's too early for a 16 years old person to vote, he or she lacks of experience to determine whether the issue is good or bad. A 16 years old person usually lives with his or her parents. They have no worries about rent payment, taxes, billing, etc. They are not aware or may have no interest in the political parties and the election. Most of them can tell exactly the stories line of some video games but they can not remember the backgrounds of the candidates. How can we let the ignorant people like them participate in the serious event like the election?

Hoang: I don't think that it's right to restrict 16 years old people from saying their words. At 16 they can get a job and pay taxes and it is undemocratic that they have no say in who sets those taxes. Many fields such as the minimum wage and benefits also affect them directly and they should have a say in these policies.

John: There many policies affect people in various ages. Policies on nursery education affect 4 year olds, but it doesn't mean that we give them a vote. We must trust mature adults to vote on the behalf of ignorant people.

Hoang: Many 18 year old people do not make informed decisions. In fact many 40 year old people do not make informed decisions and this does not mean we deny them the vote.

John: Most 16 year old people would either vote the way their parents voted, or deliberately vote the other way to be rebellious. They would not consider all the issues and make an informed decision.

Hoang: I don't think so. In modern society today, 16 year old people are more mature than ever before and there is no significant gap between an 18 year old person and a 16 year old person's ability to vote, the distinction is arbitrary.

John: You shouldn't think that way. That the fact that more young people are smoking, drinking and having sex earlier than before does not mean that they are more mature. People at 16 are still children mentally and much development happens in the next two years. We should keep the voting age at 18 to ensure full maturity

Hoang: The restriction will limit the number of voters. The wider pool of voters we have, the better it is for democracy, as it increases representation.

John: We can not say that everyone should have the vote. With this argument, why not 15 year old people? The fact is that you must have limits and while some 16 year old people probably are mature enough to vote, the status quo protects against the majority who are not.

Hoang: I think I understand the reasons why the California government limits the voting age at 18. Thank you for your information.

John: No problem.

***The requirement of this essay is the solid debate in an issue. The debate can stay in form of a conversation or a plain article.

Please help me to fix grammatical errors as well as vocabulary. Please give me some advices that I can make my essay better.

Writing Feedback / Classical Essay - Abortion The Right to Choose [3]

During the past century, abortion has been one of the most passionately debated subjects of controversy in the United State. Since the early decades of the 20th century, abortion was used as a measure of limiting families to a manageable size. In the past, due to the lack of knowledge, many families usually gave birth to a lot of children that they could not afford to raise, which is why abortion was abused in early times as an extreme measure of birth control to avoid further poverty to families. Today, many abortions are given to women under the age of 22. There are not many teenage girls who have sex use protection the first time. Impulsive, ignorant, and irresponsible behavior often lead to unwanted pregnancy. Forcing a woman to raise an unwanted child is the ultimate form of child abuse, for the child will receive less of the loving maternal relationship she or he deserves. Moreover, given birth at the early age may cause a great danger on the young mother as well as the baby, etc. By these reasons, we should consider the right of women to decide whether she should keep the baby or not.

Nowadays, many teenage girls have sex in their early age and get pregnant by the lack of knowledge in sexual relationship. If they can not have abortion, they are forced to give birth to the child and raise it while they are still in school. It's not fair for them because they still have the whole school life and their future ahead. That will interrupt their education and even their dream. These teenage girls will have to live the rest of their lives in sadness and despair and the child will be a big burden for her because there is no way she can afford to raise it. There is no reason for us to ruin the future of someone and create a burden for the society. Women have the right to choose how they should go with their lives.

There are situations that even the actual birth of the baby will cause a serious problem to the mother. If we think about the case of a young teenage girl who get pregnant early, or the situation of a middle school girl who was rape, we would see it's very dangerous to force her to keep the baby. There could be serious repercussions if she does not get the nutrition she needs during her pregnancy or correct pre-natal care. Death rate during birth and chances for a premature or otherwise unhealthy baby is also dramatically higher among young mothers. We have no right to ask her to take a great danger just to give birth to unwanted child. We should respect her decision whether or not she will keep the baby.

If the woman doesn't want the baby but she does not have an abortion, and she is forced to give over her body as a life support system to something else, she may resent the child unfairly for the burden it has placed upon her. When the child is being born by a mother who does not want it or at least is not ready to have it, that may lead to child abuse or mistreating, the child can not live in a good environment eventually will become a burden for the society. That's why forcing the woman to give birth to unwanted child not only ruin her life but also create unfortunate future for the child.

The right to a legal abortion is one of the few subjects on which nearly everyone has an opinion. Those who think abortion should be readily available are called "pro-choice", while those looking to restrict the rights of women are called "anti-choice". There are many incorrect arguments used by anti-choicer as propaganda. The most common of all is to say that abortion is murder. This is quite unreasonable. The definition of "murder" is to bring an end to the life of a living thing. Using the anti-choice analysis, the use of contraceptives and also abstinence would constitute murder. We know that every month, the body of female produces a living egg. This egg is alive and has the potential to become a human being. It means if one woman has unprotected sex at a certain time, she will get pregnant. Then it means if she doesn't have sex at this month or she uses contraception while having sex, the eggs will not be fertilized and pass out of her body. Thus, she is a murder because she has taken away the life a living thing. So she should feel obligated to have sex at every possible opportunity because every time she does not permit the egg to meet the sperm, she prevents potential humans from being formed. If we follow the analysis of the anti-choicer, it sounds very ridiculous.

The anti-choicer also argue that the fetus is a human, so it should not be distinguished among us. A fetus cannot be compared to a human being. In a fetus, only has a primitive organ system. It could not possibly sustain life out of the mother's body. It can't think nor breathe. It doesn't have cognitive development, a personality, emotions, etc. There's no relation between a fetus and a person. A fetus has the capability to become a person, but cannot be called a person. A fetus is not considered a person until it is born.

After all, we can see that abortion is the women right to choose. It is her right to choose where she is to go with her life. Saying just because she made the mistake or more of wrong choice of having sex and making her suffer with the burden of keeping the child is wrong. Making women live with the decision and give up the rest of their life would be inequality because she did not get to live the life that she wanted.

*** Please help me to fix the grammatical error as well as the error in vocabulary.

***The requirement of this essay is to write about something you support. Include 3 reasons with grounds and warrants for your reasons. Also include the opposition your rebuttal for that.

(do you think I cover enough the grounds and the warrant?)
***Please give me some advice that you think it will make my essay better.

Thank you in advance.