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Posts by justme
Joined: Feb 11, 2011
Last Post: Mar 31, 2011
Threads: 3
Posts: 6  
From: Bangladesh

Displayed posts: 9
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justme   
Feb 12, 2011
Undergraduate / What is your contribution to your community and why would you require financial aid ? [4]

This question is for the supplementary information for ** undergraduate admission awards.
There is no word limit provided.

Q. What have you done to contribute to your school or community? (suggest ideas on this question- i think my essay has become quite irrelevant)

What I strongly wish to contribute to the community is the attempt to make a significant change in this world; to wipe out the dominant evil which has been the reason for human decline and establish peace. I certainly know that the road to making this come true is full of prickly thorns but if every individual does not realize how vital this issue is, the gap between the evil and the good will continue to remain undiminished.

I believe I am one of those rare students from my school to participate in almost every field of the extra-curricular activities and also to consistently maintain class performances. During my various extra-curricular activities like music, sports and volunteer works as stated before, I have greatly improved my interaction, interpersonal, analytical, leadership and teamwork skills; I gained much knowledge and have developed my understanding about many worldly issues. I think the skills, the experiences and my beliefs are what I have contributed to my school and community. Apart from these, I have a strong urge to fight against domestic violence which is very common in developing countries like ****. I wish to help women to break through the shackles of utter confinement that the society has created for them; to lend a hand to those who have been victims of domestic violence; to obliterate the issues that have deprived women from having their rights; to put an end to the screams and tears of pain in every house of developing countries and develop a mutual understanding between men and women. In addition, I also have the desire to help the children who are below the poverty line and to stop child labour. What I have seen and learnt about my community is that there is a considerable inequality still existing in this part of the world. Women and children have many restrictions; they are mostly not allowed to raise their voices, unless they are very powerful.

Till this time, I have tried to stand up against the unethical activities in life and I am waiting for that one moment when I can bring the change that I want to. If we want to make a great change in our community, it is our responsibility to grab hands together and work as one team. I believe we need just that one moment in life to closely see the tears of pain of these people and that one chance to prove ourselves to be an actual, worthy member of this society.

*Should I include details of my extra-curricular activities? Any advice would be highly appreciated.*

Q . Do you think that you will require financial assistance to study at university?

Working over eight hours, almost every day in a week, my father has managed to fund our rising expenses till now. It has been more than a decade that we lived in a small country called **** and it is also known by the world how poor the condition of our economy is, compared to other countries. Now, when we are deciding to settle down in Canada to pursue my higher studies and to gain from a better living standard, my father who is the only income earner in our family has to leave his job. Our financial condition would, indeed, be very weak to prepare ourselves for this new start in a completely new region but the question 'how to cover my university costs' haunts us even more every time we think about it. We are assuming that our financial condition would worsen badly when the burden of my significantly huge university costs would directly hit us along with other increased living costs.

Without any source of income, it would be greatly difficult for us to finance our housing and transportation costs, and then furthermore, pay for my considerably high university costs. Moreover, since I have stepped into my nineteenth year last December, I am no longer considered to be a dependent; so when we are arriving in Canada, my parents are probably not also receiving any child benefits (which had been stopped two years back during our absence in Canada). We are arriving in Toronto by the end of July after completing my A-levels here in June, and I do not think it would be quite possible for my parents or me to find work in such a short span of time and earn some immediate money to fund our expenses. In addition to this, my parents may require some training or college classes, especially on English, before starting work in Canada; so they would also need enough time to prepare themselves for work. Even getting any sort of financial assistance from the government would require some adequate time.

My parents now wish that I pay for my own expenses and if possible, some of the household expenses too; but I think it would be quite impossible for me to take up the load of classes and work at the same time, and also end up with good grades or percentage in the class. Student loans will surely help me to fund my university costs but I think this would only be a temporary solution and I will have to go for work sooner or later to support my family needs and also, to pay back the student loan debt. There is a high chance that I would be mentally distressed, distracted and would not be able to give much attention and time to my studies; I would feel paralyzed by the fear of loan debt and would always be engaged in other activities rather than my studies. The scholarship, on the contrary, would highly boost up my self-confidence, increase my motivation to study properly and help me to stand out from everyone in the class. Furthermore, this would strengthen my determination of reaching the heights of success as a top business woman or Chartered Accountant and of changing the perception of a woman's place in the society - what women are and what they are capable of achieving.

Therefore, I believe these reasons provided in my statement are sufficient to demonstrate my needs and also explain why I would require financial aid to study at ***.

* Please check my sentence structure, content, grammar and punctuation. Again any suggestion would be highly appreciated.*

Thank you.
justme   
Feb 14, 2011
Undergraduate / Economics, management, analyze a case, international student - UofT admission [5]

I suppose the deadline for submitting this has already passed last month. :\
Nevertheless, I think you need to correct this :

In addition, economics is closely connected with some subjects like business studies, politics which I am also interested about.

I think I will know more about economics if I go to university.
Do not ever show that you yourself are confused about your objectives. Try to be confident and sure about yourself.

Management is an interesting and a challenging program. OR
Management seems to be quite interesting and challenging to me. (program )

I can learn more about how people think and act in theirat workplaces;/. thus, ...

an outstanding business leader

As we know, Thethe world is becoming globalization, m anagement can assist me to discover more and more opportunities .

to analyze many human interactions happened while our world becoming more globalizationer This part sounds weird to me. Try to change the sentence structure or something.

I can make my life better and better , then and in the future I would be able to help our society to develop . And that why I want to go to university (<------unnecessary) I believeit is the right place this program would help me to learn more about my field of study and career.

When I was studying in my high-school , my teacher always toldusthat when you analyze a case about something happened in the world related to worldly issues, you should look at all aspects of it andyou can judge it fairly, also you will to understand more about it. If I want to become a outstanding peopleestablish myself in this field, I need to follow many rulesto be highly disciplined, like if I have a meeting, I can't be late, be on timeand punctual . Honesty and faith are also very important. That I learn from my parents. I will improve my skills and get more experiences in university.

What I learnt from my parents are honesty and patience/determination and I am eagerly looking forward to improving my skills and gaining more experiences because---

As an international student, English is my second language. (<---they already know that) When I came to Canada, I needed talk with my teacher in English and write essays in Englishjoined English classes and tried improving my communication skills . At first , it seemed to be quite difficult for me , but with the help of my teachers and classmates, I gradually overcame this problem. When I communicate with others, I try to follow my rule which is "Listen quickly and speak slowly" when communicating, thus I can communicate more easilyWhen I write some essays, I need use foreigners thoughts not my navtie thoughts, because two cultures are different. I need develop this as time goes on.

and by now, I have improved my writing skills through a lot of practices. I hope to learn and improve my English even more as time passes.

You need use a spellchecker :)
I hope this works!
I have also applied to U of T this year. Best of luck!
justme   
Feb 14, 2011
Undergraduate / I know how to calculate complex equations mentally without lots of writing or no writing at all [6]

First of all, I would like to thank you for reading and evaluating my application to the University of Toronto. I humbly submit this essay as per your priority requirement. I believe that without proper education, I will not be able to achieve my dreams; therefore I want to be able to sustain myself and become more independent.

This opportunity means the world(<--- This sounds informal. Use a better word. ) to me and I am willing to do my best. I am an ambitious and responsible high school student who wants to succeed in all aspects of life. I'm (no contractions, it is a formal writing) dreaming of owning a manufacturing company and lead it to success, while being a role model for others to look up to. I want to be able to make wise decisions a higher level of education which would help me to succeed in the field of engineering.

Ever since I was a child, I was fascinated by the (use an adjective here) worlds of mathematics and science, and their applications in the real world. My father, a mechanical engineer, was one of the people who inspired me to continue in the two fields while taking me along with him in order to experience the world of engineering first hand. With that in hand, I dedicated my senior years into studying the sciences and mathematics with a future goal of applying to engineering at the University Of Toronto specifically. Considering that U of T is one of the best universities in Canada, my long life (change this) dream was just to visit Canada, and has evolved as I grew up into studying there. I have been to many places here (where?) and there but from what I've heard, Toronto and the University of Toronto are the greatest.and from what I have heard till now is that Toronto and U of T are the most praiseworthy (or of the same kind)

What I see in myself is that I can calculate complex equations mentally without a lot of writing or no writing at all. <----unnecessary though. Make good use of your word limit.

Good body coordination is very helpful once you realize how to make good use of it, now I'm a basketball player in my school's team. Although the team is not that good, I'm the one who is keeping it together as one.

<---Need more info/details and to be organized to convey your message to the reader. Need use of paragraphs for different topics discussed here. I can see your grammar and spellings are alright but you need to be able to structure your ideas and sentences, and also include details to make your writing complete, meaningful and flawless. :)

Take some more time on this and you'd be okay with it. :) I have also applied to U of T this year. Any idea when's the last date for submitting these essays? Is it April 30?

Thanks. Hope I could help! ;D
justme   
Feb 15, 2011
Undergraduate / What is your contribution to your community and why would you require financial aid ? [4]

Thank you so much :)
Yes I know, I have some serious problems with the first essay. I don't know what to write actually and I tried to make it look long by adding these sentences :S :( The content somehow seems to convey no message in my point of view and is going irrelevant x(

What should I actually include in the contribution part? I am so confused with what to write! It says what have you contributed.
I don't actually know what I ''have'' contributed; they are nothing special. But what I would want to contribute are far superior than what I have done till now. Should I write about my extracurricular activities? But there is already a section for those in the same form with questions:

Please check all of the boxes that apply, and tell us briefly about your answers.
* I have been active in school clubs or programs outside the classroom.
* I have excelled in athletics.
* I have excelled in artistic activities (for example, music, drama, visual art)

I obviously cannot repeat my extracurricular activities. Tell me what are usually written in contribution to community essays and how can I make my second one better? :) I sort of included my entire life story and I tried to make it look how bad is our financial condition; in actual it isn't like we're needy if we see people around us here but I tried to show how it would be like if we were in Canada. How possibly can I include a memorable theme? Because I don't have one. :(

Anyway thanks a ton for your suggestions! :) I'll try to think about the changes needed to make it better. :)
justme   
Feb 27, 2011
Essays / (Active / Contributed / Art) outline your contribution and extracurricular activities [6]

THIS IS HOW IT IS GIVEN:
(no word limit provided)

Please check all of the boxes that apply, and tell us briefly about your answers.
* I have been active in school clubs or programs outside the classroom.
* I have contributed to my school and/or my community.
* I have excelled in athletics.
* I have excelled in artistic activities (for example, music, drama, visual art).

Please suggest me what should I put in all the question and how much to write about them, should I tell specifically about one activity.

Here are my activities: (none are from the last two years except for volunteering
handball(4 yrs),music(7yrs),handicraft(4yrs),basketball(1year),swimming course, volunteering (1 event), Art(5yrs)

Should i list all in the first and expand in the following questions?
justme   
Mar 28, 2011
Student Talk / How to speak English fluently and correctly? [62]

Read books! :) They are a great way to enhance your word power. And start talking in English for some time even if you make mistakes. This would help you to boost up your confidence and break this barrier! :D

Good Luck!
justme   
Mar 28, 2011
Scholarship / What extracurricular skills and experience will you bring to Rotman Commerce? [8]

Essay Prompt: This is a 400-word statement in response to a question.
This is an opportunity to outline your extracurricular activities and leadership experience and how they have prepared you to be an active contributor to, and engaged participant in, the Rotman Commerce community. You will also be evaluated on your communication skills.

What extracurricular skills and experience will you bring to Rotman Commerce?

Please critique my writing and do advise where I am going wrong. Do comment on my grammar, punctuation, content, sentence structure, word selection, use of my word limit and any aspects if possible.

It's sorta urgent 'cause the deadline date is just two days from today.

Thank you! =) Any help is highly appreciated.

The exquisite, placidly structured musical notes artistically danced across the grinning sky and embraced the serene beauty of the season- I envisioned while occasionally creating music for a song on my harmonium. Music is something that runs down my veins whenever I have to express my inner thoughts and feelings, but Tagore music specifically was the first, in fact, to build and connect the bridge to this musical world when I got admitted to ****. The long way that I walked in life with the smooth flow of Tagore music has offered me this opportunity to discover and witness the various, distinct ways of life, the many worldly issues and how the complex human mind works in particular.

The applause by the huge crowd after the completion of stage shows whether at or outside our school premises in every event in the Bengali calendar had always acted as a great inspiration for me to shine in this field and also, as an encouragement to continue learning music in order to become an active part of Bengali culture and community. Our aim while dedicating long hours behind practices was not only to simply perform at stage to display our passion for music and demonstrate our musical skills but also to convey our understanding, emotions and knowledge that we bore about our culture, country and language. This was exactly the point where we had to face the challenge and we worked as a team to improve ourselves even in difficult circumstances.

As one of the senior students, organizing many sections of the events, for instance arranging the materials required and planning for the decoration of the event, grouping students, etc, were often a vital portion of our responsibilities in ****. Meanwhile, I was also able to use my sewing skills to give an air of individuality, creativity and our tradition in the embellishment of the many events.

Tagore music had given me a new birth to a new dimension which defined me music uniquely and changed my perception of seeing everything. My introduction to some outstanding people including my teachers, peers and celebrities/artists, and the skills that I learnt will undoubtedly be a great support while sailing my ship to achieve my goal.

Rotman Commerce definitely brings a scope for learning more, and to shower what I had learnt and to bring about more enthusiasm and diversity to its community.

(Exactly 400 words)
justme   
Mar 29, 2011
Scholarship / What extracurricular skills and experience will you bring to Rotman Commerce? [8]

Wow, the corrections definitely make my essay sound better! Thanks a ton!! :D :D
Do you think I should make a second draft or is this okay?
Should I try to include other ECAs?
And I wanted to write Rabindra Sangeet instead of Tagore music and add Tagore Music in brackets once at first.

Thanks a lot again! =D
justme   
Mar 31, 2011
Scholarship / What extracurricular skills and experience will you bring to Rotman Commerce? [8]

@Rajiv- I think I'd go with this essay along with the corrections you made. Adding anything to it would make it messy and ruin the whole essay! Thanks!

@EF_Kevin - Well, as you said I should keep only two of the adjectives but then I'll have to edit the entire sentence and I don't really have much time now. Tomorrow is the last date to submit and I'd want to do it today. So I was thinking I'd go with Rajiv's correction :) I think the essay should look okay.

But I was worried about the content if this was atleast a standard essay for admission purposes. Apart from the structure and grammar, should I make any changes to the content?

Thank you for the help :)
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